Tricky subject

[SuiGeneris]

Having overheard some interactions between our nanny and DS, I am wondering about asking her to model more polite language and behaviour to him, but cannot think how one could possibly do it without hurting her feelings. It might just be that we were brought up differently, but I would like DS to hear a lot more "please", "thank you" and "would you please do x", rather than "eat this", "don't do that". Also, I feel that to a certain extent we have to listen to his "no" if we want him to heed ours. How on earth do we do this? I have tried leaving around some suitable childcare books and modelling this Orr of interaction myself when we are all around, but what else could we do? She is otherwise doing well so am keen not to spoil the relationship...

Every childcarer is a role model to the children in their care and manners are an aspect of being a good role model. Ask her if she could enforce good manners as you've noticed your child isn't using them consistently. I hope this ok!, as it's not clear that your child isn't saying thank you etc. Or just be more blunt and say that it's important to you.

Ooh that is tricky. I wouldn't want to say it directly to her (although that probably is what you should do!). I would go for;

'We're having real trouble with DS not asking for things nicely/saying please and thank you. Do you think you could really stress it when you're speaking with him please?'

and/or

'I read a really interesting article the other day about how modelling behaviour is the most effective way to shape a child's behaviour. So instead of saying 'say please, DS', if we all say please and thank at every op he will follow suit'

or something along those lines

I wouldn't dress it up. Just tell her directly, manners are important to you and you want that modelled for your ds - so lots of please/thanks/would you please.

Present it as "this is something we all need to do" rather than "you need to change how you speak" so that it comes across as all the adults involved in his care being on the same page rather than you criticising her particularly.

So agree with this. It amazes me how many parents either don't expect please or thank you from their children or do expect it, but never say it to the child themselves: "Do this", "do that" rathar than "Please do this" or "Please do that".

Tell her you are having a problem with DS's manners and that you want to hear him say more please and thank you and ask her to work on this with him.

Then wait and see what happens.

Thank you all. Have done as you suggested (we must all do it) and now will wait and see...