Advice on notice needed with our childminder, please

[bsmirched]

DS, 19 months old, has been with our CM since September, 3 and a half days a week. Up until Christmas, he seemed very settled and happy and we were delighted with her.

Since Christmas, we've had more and more days when she's reported he's been unhappy, to the point that she says he now cries most of the time when at her house unless he's picked up and cuddled.(Apparently he's fine when taken to toddler group/play barn etc)

On three occasions in the last few weeks she's contacted me at work and asked me to pick him up early as he wouldn't stop crying. She has now said that if her 'strategies' to try to stop him crying for no reason don't work by the end of the next four weeks she wants us to find him alternative childcare as he is interfering with her minding and is 'very hard to listen to'

She has put the above in writing, also stating that I am not to leave in a morning if he's crying and that if he's still crying 15 minutes after we arrive that I must take him away again. She also writes that she will get us out of work to collect him if he cries too much. ( I should add at this point that he's not a whingey, clingy boy when with us!)

Bearing in mind all this, we've been looking for an alternative anyway. I'm a teacher so on half term next week, so could attend some settling in sessions with him at the nursery we've found, so an ideal time for him to start there would be after half term.

I feel that the conditions she's putting on having him mean that I really no longer have the reliable childcare that I signed up for so don't feel inclined to give and pay for the normal notice period. What do you think? Am feeling really let down

Incidentally, due to illness in CM's family I had to ask a friend to have him for the day today - he's only ever met her three times, the last time last June. I stayed there with him for half an hour then left for work. He's been there all day with her, her two children and her toddler group friends who came round for a couple of hours over lunch with their children. He's not cried once!

I think you need to out it down to experience, clearly its NOT working. Use her for the next 4 weeks and find somewhere else. good luck

agree with ladyharriet, try and mutually cut down the notice period

I think it might be worth paying a solicitor for advice on this as it would probably cost less than the 4 weeks notice period. It seems to me that she is not following the terms of the original contract by imposing lots of other conditions on your DS's care and therefore either she should be reverting to the normal agreement of you drop your DS off and she cares for him until pickup time unless he is ill or she should waive your notice period. Have you considered posting this in legal for advice?

Sorry for not replying sooner - I kept checking back to threads I'm on and it hadn't updated it!

Well - we've taken the decision to move him immediately as we think it best for all concerned.

I hope none of you think I'm trying to 'get out of' anything, it's just that we can't manage a situation where we don't know from one morning to the next whether or not we have childcare and we have to pay a nursery 4 weeks upfront and, like most people don't have unlimited funds!

I'm afraid we've taken the view that it is our CM who has moved the goalposts/altered the terms of our agreement unilaterally, and in doing so has created an unworkable situation. Added to which, as it's now half term, I can accompany our son on some settling in sessions at nursery. If we leave it another 2 weeks, we then have a maximum of another 2 weeks to move him and no chance for him to have some short settling sessions first.

I think I've also taken huge exception to the CM's letter to us - she describes in great detail the effect of DS's crying on her ' a constantly crying child is very hard to listen to', the other children, their parents and her setting. At no point does she express any concern as to what any of this might be doing to DS. She also says he holds his breath if she 'doesn't give in to his demands' He's 19 months old. He doesn't make demands and holds his breath if he's VERY upset about something! Anyway, I digress!!

Helendee - although the problem has been going on for a few weeks, until the last couple of weeks it hadn't in any way been described to us as being to the sort of extent that it might mean we have to find somewhere else for him. We'd been informally discussing strategies and had agreed with everything the CM wanted to try.

Thanks for all your replies.

I hope he is happy in his new nursery and it gives you piece of mind. Let us know how he gets on with settling in.

Think I'd have tried something along the lines of you are happy for him to remain at cm under the original terms of the contract for his 4 week notice period but that you do not believe the additional terms are fair or reasonable as you would have never agreed to these terms originally as they prevent you from doing your job properly.

Furthermore you feel that these unreasonable demands are tantamount to forcing you to withdraw immediately as the cm does not appear to be prepared to do her job and settle your child. As such you are offering one weeks notice in full and final settlement of the bill. I'm not a lawyer but you get the gist of what I'm saying, I'm sure a legal bod could make it much better and more legal!

She might call your bluff and say that she wont oppose the conditions and then you might have to pay 4 weeks but she might appreciate that as an honourable way out for both of you. But might at least get you out of being taken to court and show that you mean business too.

Breatheslowly - thank you!

Our CM received our letter yesterday and immediately got back to us saying it was absolutely fine, best all round etc! I really can't help thinking that she's got a full timer lined up for his place (he goes 3.5 days and doesn't pay for school holidays) and that maybe this was what this was all about. When I re-read her letter it almost seems deliberately provocative IYKWIM. Then again, maybe I've just got a suspicious nature!

Once again, thanks for all advice and thoughts.

Well done bsmirched- sounds like every one will be happier all round.

I agree her response sounds like she wanted him out for whatever reason but alls well I hope your DS settle into nursery and you have less stress with his care!

Hmm - I'd be suspicious too, if she wanted to keep him as a mindee she could have handled this much better, it does seem to indicate that she had another motive.

I hope he settles into nursery and loves it.

Did you manage to get a term time only agreement with them?

Thanks both. We haven't quite got term time only but can reduce his hours quite substantially in the holidays ie. he can do 1 day a week instead of 3.5 which is fine and certainly over the summer I'd have wanted him to 'keep his hand in' anyway. Besides which they're running a mini Olympics in August which will be worth paying for I imagine!

So glad it worked out for you. I am so glad you did not have to pay notice. I am sure she had someone else lined up. This means everyone is happy. Lots of luck for your son settling in to nursery.

1 day a week in the hols is great - keeps his hand in & gives you a day to yourself - perfect :)

Yes and because I 'have' to send him it'll be almost guilt free!

I had similar. CM did not get on well with minding my dc3. She gave me notice. I had been looking for an alternative anyway as I knew DC was not happy. So in 2nd week of notice I asked her if we could make this the final week and I would pay her up till then and I would then remove him from her care. She was please not to have dc for the final two weeks of our contract and so she was happy to do this.

I think you need to speak to your CM.