What kind of childcare do I need? Nanny? Mother's help? and how do I find someone?!

[DreamingOfPeace]

Hi,

I'm 29 + 4 weeks pregnant with twins and have a very-nearly-17 month old DD. I am worried about when the babies arrive, as I don't want to just 'cope', i still want to be able to get out and about with my DD and ensure she doesn't feel totally left out.

I will be able to have some regular help from my parents, maybe one day a week each, although they do live a fair way away. My husband is off one day a week.

Whta would be a good option for me for the other two days?
How long do you have to give a contract for if I have no idea how things will really work out once the babies arrive?! Plus, the fear of not getting on well with whoever I employ/not liking how they are with my DC, as I will obviously be there too a lot of the time. I'm thinking I want someone to be there to help from early mornings- say 7:30-8ish, to help feed/jig/change/dress babies and/or DD, and some days I'm sure we'll all do things together, some maybe I'd want them to take my DD to a playgroup/activity, some days I'd want them to look after the twins while I take DD somewhere for some 1:1 time.

And what on earth will this cost?!

DD does not attend a nursery or any other type of childcare.

I hope this is the right place to ask this, I have no clue how to start looking! (I did find a childcare.co.uk site on google, but no-one immediately jumped off the few on there as suitable.)

Newly qualified nanny maybe? Young woman/man looking for an in into childcare? Though I don't know about leaving newly qualified person with newborn twins, I don't think I'd be comfortable with being left with them for longer periods of time (speaking as a young woman in childcare with no nb experience, I would prefer the slowly increase the time over a period of a month or so approach).

There will be someone who'll suit you though, I think young person looking for an in/newly qualified would be your best bet as long as the job is mostly shared care with bits of sole charge of any of the three children. If it is to become sole charge for longer periods maybe a more experienced nanny would be better.

No idea of cost, I get paid £10 gross an hour in the south east for both of the families I work for, they have employers NI on top of that and one of the families uses a nanny tax agency so that's another £200ish a year I believe. I think thats the average wage for nannies in my area though as most of the nannies seem to be young women or women with their own children if childcare.co.uk is anything to go by!

Thanks pixie, I don't expect there to be long periods of sole childcare- certainly not initially, I only managed to leave my PFB for 90 minutes for the first time at 11 months old!!!

oh blimey, I hadn't even thought of tax/NI payments etc... eek.

Dreaming
Have you considered a postnatal doula for a few weeks initially (they are self-employed as well) and see how you go. Then you can decide if you really need longterm help and if so WHAT you need, i.e. a cleaner/housekeeping type stuff, help with childcare etc and how much, esp if your parents are there. Or if these other people who are supposed to help suddenly get cold feet when they see how much work it is and you need someone who can do MORE hours than you anticipate.

If you've never employed someone before thinking about going through that process, getting the right person, settling them in when YOU'RE adjusting may just be a bit of a 'mare.

Agree a gross wage so that tax/ni payments come out of that. If you use a taxing agency it'll save you the paperwork. If you're eligible for tax credits or whatever it is they call them or the childcare vouchers ensure that you get somebody who is or can be ofsted registered. I paid my own reg but this would usually be something that nannies expect the family to do (as it doesn't benefit us!).

Where are you based? Your local council may have a list of home child carers (brighton and hove do) and also may offer discounted courses to the child carers too.

Lady: I feel stupid, but what exactly does a postnatal doula do? I've not heard of them before but am under the impression that a doula usually helps the mother throughout the pregnancy and helps them with the birth?

I was in a similar situation, and would recommend a maternity nurse for the early weeks to help look after the babies, and get them in a routine, and after that I'd consider a nanny share (or au pair share) with another family. Alternatively, I've used babysitting agencies with some success which can work well for flexible care, without the hassle of becoming an employer. Let me know if you want details of agencies etc.

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and DS is a very active 21 months. I'm having to return to a very 'full-on' work towards the end of this year due to finances, which will mean leaving at 7.30am and home at 6.30pm.

PFB will start kindergarden 2 mornings a week in September and will need to be dropped off at 9 and collected at 12.

Ive ruled out live-out nannies as the cost seems prohibitive but im worried about the inexperience of aupairs and to have someone live-in will mean that the children will have to share a bedroom.

OH is at work long hours so no help on that front.

Im starting to panic already and thats before ive even got my job back and agreed terms with them over my preferrence to work 3 days a week when I know they will be looking for me full time.

help please......!

My last nanny when DC3 was born was exactly what you were describing. I advertised for a shared care nanny/mothers help. So added in things like emptying the dishwasher and general tidying up to a normal nanny role. She sometimes came out with us and sometimes I left the baby with her in a cafe near an activity I was doing with the older ones, so she could bring DC3 to me if she needed feeding.
I made it clear when I advertised that the role was temporary (six months) and I ended up employing someone that used to work in a nursery and wanted to move to nannying. She gained the experience and I got a slightly cheaper nanny that I'd usually pay. I paid £8.50/hour net, usually I'd pay £10./hour net for a nanny.
Its really important that you do emplioy someone you get one with as you'll be spending a lot of time with them.

oh god... It all sounds complicated.

So if I employ a nanny, I have to register (where?) as an employer, and pay tax and NI for her/out of her gross salary?

Yes, what would a post-natal doula do exactly?

And I'm sorry to be quite so thick, but where do you advertise karoleann? Children's centres? local paper?

mazza, I'm just getting to the panic stage! My twins will be sharing a bedroom, and my friend has a 3 year old and 8 month old who share a room with no problmes, so I'm crossing my fingers that won't be a major hurdle for us, and wouldn't for you if you went down the live in route. I think I could cope and exist on a day to day basis with no help, but as I said, I want my children to all feel special, and get out and do things etc etc and not feel I can't becasue coping with 3 under 18 months is too hard.

I really don't think I can create enough space anywhere to have someone live-in...

peniston, I'd love details for some agencies. I'm North West, nearest city is Lancaster.

confused, when you say a taxing agency, do you mean employ someone through an agency, or a totally independent taxing agency?

Gosh, 10,000,000 questions here! I think I just thought oh brilliant, pay someone (as you would a cleaner), job done! Incidentally, we are going to get a cleaner too, but tidying, laundry help etc I'm sure will be needed!

confused: friends that have had doulas have chosen them over maternity nurses cause they look at the whole mum and their needs - so might help a bit getting the washing on, settling the babies (but not heavy duty focused on routine the way an MN might be), will also help with older children in the way an MN wouldn't but I say that with the caveat that my friends have tended to use them when they only have hte baby. But supposedly they will for example help with a fussy older child/take them out whilst the mum and new baby are having a rest etc. the idea isn't that they will stay on for weeks and weeks but help keep the show on the road initially. I just thought it might be an idea until the OP is sure what she wants.

I had an independent midwife and TBH poked aroudn at the time but couldn't afford both options.

There are websites out there if the OP is interested - let's see what she says though.

X-posts. Hmm, lady, I think a doula might be more helpful than a MN for me because with wanting to be able to get out with dd in the morning that wouldn't fit so well with working hard.on getting the babies to nap in their cot. But i think in terms of continuity for dd, a part time nanny/ the kind of arrangement karoleann had might work best??

Doula.org.uk - this site may be useful to you to understand more about what a Doula is and what they do. It also has a Find A Doula facility, so you can see who is in your area and get in touch with them directly to find out more about them and how they may be able to help you. You want POSTNATAL doula, as it is someone to help after the birth. However depending how things progress with your pregnancy you may want someone before hand as well - an antinatal doula.

Having just done a quick search myself on that website, costs for antinatal or postnatal doula in my area (West Surrey) seem to be around the £10 per hour mark.

I agree with the others who say that a Doula may well be a good option for you initially. You seem anxious about how you will get on when the twins arrive and I expect you feel that you want someone else around some of the time to help out, to give you a bit of a break, to help entertain your toddler, to make you a cup of tea, prepare a meal, enable you to wash your hair without worrying about the twins or your toddler.

You have family to help as well, so combined with a postnatal doula during the initial month to six weeks or so, you could at times have your toddler taken on trips out (to make her feel special) by a relative, whilst you get some rest and doula cares for the twins.

Once things have settled down, then address how you will cope longer term. For example it may help to have DD go to a childminder a couple of days a week, so you get time to spend with the twins and DD gets some attention from someone who does is not also caring for newborn twins.

After a couple of months, you may find that you cope fantastically with the twins and that with a little help from family you don't need any other childcare help. At this stage you just don't know what is going to happen.

My advice, talk to local doula's and see what they can do to help and what cost would be involved. Then see how things work out over first few weeks of having newborn twins.

Lady: Thanks for explaining, never knew about them before!