nanny problems

[bebeduck]

Posted a question before about our liveout PT nanny
I'm posting again looking for some input on whether to get rid or keep until end of June which is the end of her contract anyway.

She doesn't always do the stuff we ask her to and I also feel dd is not gelling with her that much.

Other options if we get rid are not going to be easy. Even if we send dd to preschool a bit more we will still need someone to do pick up once a week and look after her after until 7.00. And dd (34 months) is exhausted after full days at preschool so we have preferred the PT nanny option which worked very well until our previous nanny left for FT employment.

Our beef is

• potty left full to the brim complete with toilet paper for us to empty. She was told last week to empty the potty after every use. This Monday OH came home to find it was full again. He realised after she had left so I will have to have that talk with her again next week.
• food - has been given recipes/ingredients/tips and only has to prepare evening meals. She gives dd pasta with peas to dd with no sauce/butter/oil/grated cheese. Adds cold tomato sauce (straight from the fridge) onto pasta. I have asked her to grate some cheese but still the grater is left untouched. It feels like dd is on a diet.
• use dd as a pretext for stuff she doesn't want to do. Monday they didn't go out at all. the weather wasn't too bad. Dd was fine but she told OH that dd had a cold so she didn't take her out.
• has been asked to speak in English to OH but she speaks to him in her mother tongue which he understands but is not so comfortable with -- he sometimes struggles with the speed she speaks at. He has asked her to speak to him in English but she straight away goes back to her language.
• has been asked to refer to OH as 'daddy' to dd as it's what dd is used to but she keeps using the French word instead.
• seems to avoid communicating about problems she may have with dd. Dd seems to say 'no' to her a great deal which she never did with our previous nanny. I've broached the subject with new nanny who says she only does it when I'm around. We suspect this isn't the case. One night OH came back to flustered nanny while dd looked very much like she hadn't been in the bath. Dd confirmed she hadn't been but the nanny denied it to me the next day and said everything was fine. Dd doesn't talk enough for us to know what really goes on.

We've talked to her and wanted to give her some slack as she is not very experienced. The alternative would be to find someone new but for 4-5 months, we wonder if it won't create more disruption for dd who has got used to her.

Are we being too picky?

Sorry before you wonder about the language thing - dd is bilingual hence the French-speaking nanny.

She doesn't sound like a nanny to me more of an au pair.

Sorry I would be getting rid. Not emptying a potty, not following simple instructions. If she can't do the stuff whilst you're around what chance is there of her getting it right when you're not around.

DD not gelling? Why wait because "she is used to her"? Let her go and find someone who will follow instructions and who your daughter will hopefully have a blast with over the next few months.

Your daughter deserves better than her and there are certainly people out there who can provide top care and a better meal plan than what she is being provided with right now.

Good Luck.

i would also say (as a mothers help/nany) get a new nanny, she sounds a cheeky nightmare!

I'm usually the first one to stick up for the nanny on a thread like this, but tbh not emptying a potty is inexcusable. If I were paying a teenager to babysit I would expect the potty be emptied! Never mind the food, speaking to OH in French when she's been asked to speak in English etc.

I don't think you can just 'get rid' though, you need to have given a written warning I think and have followd the disciplinary procedure in her contract.

At 34 months I would expect your DD to be able to use the toilet, but that's another thread.

It sounds as though your requests are completely reasonable and you should have every expectation that they are met. Not emptying the potty is unhygienic and she knows that part of her job is caring for a child's physical needs. The language thing is just baffling - I can just about understand German but wouldn't be comfortable communicating with employers. If you've made it clear that you expect her to speak English and she's capable of being understood day to day then making an exception with your husband is just lazy.
I think you should call some kind of review so it's not just a "by the way" at the end of the day that doesn't sink in. Tell her that she is receiving a verbal warning, you've given her clear instructions that she's ignored and that you hope she will take this seriously. At the moment it seems like she's not performing basic duties, let alone accomodating reasonable personal preferences.

I see your dilemma about letting her go when its disruptive and she's maybe hard to replace with only a short contract on offer. She shouldn't be scrabbling to try and keep her job by doing the bare minimum though, it's in her best interests to be a good employee and earn a good reference. Anyone else would have similar expectations and she won't find future employers who don't have your concerns as reluctant to fire her!

If you are paying her something half way between AP and nanny salary (minimum wage or just over) then that's probably the standard you will get and you just need to be really firm (as in DO THIS OR YOU WILL LOSE YOUR JOB).

If you are paying full whack nanny rates you should already have been hotting the roof with her and need to replace.

If you don't have any formal disciplinary procedures in your contract you can simply give her the required amount of notice (1 week if less than one year, unless you have specified otherwise) and you will need tt pay accrued vacation on top. I'm assuming she hasn't been with you for more than a year?

hotting the roof. I think I prefer it to the non-typo version...

Thanks very helpful.
She's paid full whack nanny rates, in fact more than our previous nanny who was absolutely fab, and has a contract. She has only been with us for 5 weeks, hence us trying to give her time to 'establish' herself with dd, and dd time to get used to her.

Somehow in the first 2-3 weeks of employment she was emptying the potty but now she seems to have given up on that.

I will give a verbal warning next week and start investigating other options.

You're paying a full nanny salary!!! If she's only been with you 5 weeks then your only just over the probation period surely.

Why are you still even thinking about this. Let her go and tell her why.

Don't be ridiculous, get rid of her. Unhygienic, cold food, lazy....is that the kind of person you want looking after and setting an example for your dd?

Get rid. She may not be 'experienced' but that doesn't stop her following requests. Agree with others, she must still be on probation (I assume) and she really doesn't sound reasonable.

I would definitely find someone else. Just give her notice.

To be honest I would expect an au pair to manage this job and be able to empty a potty and prepare simple meals for one 3 year old. A nanny should be capable of so much more.

Are you really limiting available candidates by looking for a bilingual nanny? I would say the basics (care, food, hygiene, communication) are more important than bilingualism in a part time nanny, so maybe widen your criteria to find a decent nanny first, with French as an added bonus.

If you want bilingual then perhaps look for an au pair. This lady seems like a poor quality au pair to me. You could probably find a better one than this and pay au pair rates instead of nanny rates (provided you have space for a live-in). The time frame of a few months that you need this for would also make this a good job for an au pair. If you don't have the time to train up an au pair then I agree with RitaMorgan that you focus on getting a good nanny and treat bilingualism as a bonus rather than essential.