Urgent advice on how to deal with childminder needed.

[EauDeLaPoisson]

Ok the backstory first so im not drip feeding- my kids have been going to their childminder since I started my job in oct 2010, my husband started back at work the same time. We both leave roughly 06.30 am so we had a very long list of requirements fora childminder- early start, can take both kids, can drop off and pick up from school. Phoned round loads, found one who ticked all the boxes- seemed nice enough, the Mum of a lad my brother knocked about with at school, been looking after kids in nursery/childminding for 40 odd years.

Fast forward to a few months ago (prob about September at a guess), my DD said something about 'X (the childminder) smacked me and it hurt, I didnt mean to roll on the baby' so I asked 'what do you mean- she smacked you?' she said yes, and my DS also backed this story up. So I am raging at this point, phone her, shes not in so leave a message. Manage to keep my cool when she rings back and I tell her what DD has said. She then explained she 'only tapped her to get her attention' as she was rolling around the floor and about to roll onto a small baby' I said okay, it didnt sound half as bad as DD made out but under no circumstances was she to hit or 'tap' or whatever a child again ( I work with kids so also mentioned if I was to do that to a child in my care i'd be in hot water over it)

This morning its a day for the kids to go to the childminders. DD starts crying and says she hates it as 'X pushes me' again I asked her to eleborate and she says last week she pushed her as she wasnt getting her gloves on quick enough. Im really hurt and dissapointed, I hate the fact im paying someone to treat my kids like this (and others in her care). The dilemma is there is NO alternative childcare I can use right now and I cant give up my job or even go part time as we have a suspened reposession order and without us both working we will lose our family home and kids will lose their stability. I feel in such an impossibly shit situation and wish to god I could just pull them out with immediate effect. I was considering calling OFSTED and making an annonymous complaint in the hope they will make her change her behaviour. I hate myself so much at the minute, I desperately need some words of advice

What age are your children? As they are at school (so over 4), you could possibly use an aupair to take them to and from school and cover those hours between your departure in the morning and when you get home.

OP, Where are you?

I work shifts, so thats a big problem
I love kids I dont really want to say in case I out myself at this stage

I know you are upset, but please tread carefully Eau. Firstly, can you be absolutely sure that your children are not making up tales or exaggerating? Before you say no, consider that little ones may be picking up on some understandable stress and anxiety at home, and think that somehow rubbishing their carer is what you want to hear. In a little one's mind maybe saying they hate their carer means they don't have to go, so get to spend more time with Mum perhaps? I am taking into account here how often I see the other side of the coin - youngsters who will cheerfully tell me that they love it at my place and don't want to go home because Mummy feeds them burnt food, they live in cupboards full of spiders etc. If I believed all they tell me, I'd never be off the phone to social services.
If you have concerns, I think you should raise them with your childminder and gauge her reaction. I think complaining to OFSTED is justifiable if you are sure she has overstepped the mark, but also realistically that this would mean you lose your childcare, because surely if it is that serious then the trust has gone. OFSTED are not going to tell her to do things differently. They don't do fine tuning at all. Chances are they will suspend her, conduct a lengthy (possibly inconclusive) investigation and then either let her return to business or close her down. Either way, the likelihood is that she will lose many or all of her current customers, and will she want anything further to do with your family?

I agree with minderjinx. My first thought was are you really sure?

I know you ate going to say you believe your dc and they wouldn't lie but as a rule neither will mine but u am also aware they can lie and be prone to exaggeration.
I could give loads of examples of my dc shouting about me, dh each other pushing them when I could physically see nothing of the sort happened. I have laid my hand on their back to guide them and had a wailing you pushed me.

I would be 100% sure right now that it's not similar things happening here. Talk to the cm see what she says.

It's very unlikely they'll suspend her I know childminders who've been accused of worse and not suspended but if they do you will be without childcare then too. But I would report to ofsted as it is serious if she didn't take your last complaint on board then I think you need to take it further.

She's already admitted to smacking your daughter on one occasion, If it were my child I would be reporting the childminder and finding alternative childcare asap. As a childcare worker it is illegal to smack a child in your care.

Where are you?, For a child to bring up two different things, it's a serious concern. Are there any othere children there, who are mischievious. Your child may blame your cm for their actions. As she may not discipline them.
This is something to consider!, If you could say what town you live or work, there maybe a cm available to do early starts. Do discuss with u cm, as the above suggested. There is no excuse, for physical discipline.

I am cm and can't tell you how many times children tell me what mum has done including getting drunk and falling over at club, slapping round head, shouting at baby brother, cooking poo etc, all of these are pinch of salt as no for fact untrue. I would, as minder says be reporting left and right.

If a toddler was flailing around near a baby I may well tap her arm and ask her to be careful, that's not a smack.

If u reacted in an angry way to her saying this she may well have said a out the glove incident to wind u up!

Not saying this is what happened but just advising you to. Alm down and look at all sides of this.

If it was me I would be very hurt and angry if a parent reported me behinds back, awful cowardly thing to do IMO.

Neither of these incidents sounds really serious and u could be sabotaging your complicated child care needs and ruining a persons business and reputation over, quite frankly, not much. And on no evidence.

I would speak again to CM.
I would also be acutely aware that if there is stress int eh house (repossesion order) then even if you thin you are careful, your child may well ahve picked up on it.

i used to CM for a child who told me
mummy gives me calpol every night so i go to sleep
daddy locks me in the cupboard under the stairs
mummy tells me I am a little shit
mummy hits me

Same child also told his parents that I locked him in a cupboard in teh hall, that I kicked him etc.

i'm not saying your child is lying, but soemtimes they do exxagerate or embelish things to get a reaction.

I've also had a lot (an awful lot) of "anonymous" complaints made to OFSTED about me, which have resulted in my credibilty and good name being questioned by potential clients and all complaints go on CMs report for 5 or 6 years, for all to see. Even though all the complaints agianst are known to be unfounded OFSTED still ahve to investigate and still put it ont eh report

Ds2 (2 yrs) was having a head spinning tongue talking tantrum this morning. I had to scoop him up and practically drag him to the car for a school run. I had my hands under his armpits but he kept slipping away by going limp.

Ds1 (aged 6) was very upset - as far as he was concerned I was hurting him because I was touching him and he was screaming. I reassured him, but wouldn't be surprised if it didn't turn into a tale of me hurting ds2 because he was having a tantrum. Apparently I pushed him into the car. I suppose I did in as much as I was holding him around his middle while he was doing the plank in an effort not to be strapped in. I was gentle. As gentle as possible. But ds1 had a different viewpoint.

Op, why do u 'hate yourself so much at the minute?' please don't take this badly but you are obviously under great stress and pressure, do u think you might be blowing this really put of proportion.

Little willows you are making lots of assumptions here, all cms I no are quite capable of dealing with their minders behaviour, its our job.

Saltire - I've had 2 malicious complaints and neither are on my report as they were proven to be unfounded. The only reason they'd go on is if you're issued with any actions.

I meant in the child's opinion, she wasn't dispcipling. Children have a black and white way of looking at things.

south345 - really? I got letters from OFSTED about the complaints made against me.
3 complaints claimed that I had moved house and was CM'ing from new address without registration. Although this complaint was disproved by OFSTED theys till wrote to me, a letter which said " the childmidner claims she was regsitered at the new house".
(of course I claimed that, I had a reg cert to prove it) and they said on the letter that the complaint will go on my report, even if no action was taken

hardboiledpossum 'She's already admitted to smacking your daughter on one occasion'.

No she hasn't. She said she tapped her to get her attention.

OP I think you need to speak to your DD, speak to your DS and speak to your childminder again. You need to make sure you really believe that the childminder is intentionally physically harming your DD before you report her and ruin her career and your childcare arangements.

Saltire - Do they show on your registration details on the website? If not they're not on your record for parents etc to see, they'll stay on ofsteds files but only upheld complaints are visible to others.

Agree totally with hoho, saltire how awful and unfair, hope south is right, we are so vulnerable in working alone.

If I 'tapped' my DS he wouldn't even register it. If she noticed it was a smack.

You don't know that hardboiled.

Kids lie, kids exaggerate, kids get confused.

Of course kids are also truthful, observant and sometimes spot on.

It may have been a tap, it may have been a smack we don't know.

I think hardboiled probably knows her own child though .

Well I'm sure she does, but her child isn't the child who was hit/tapped by the childminder was it?

She doesn't know the OP's child.

Even if it was a just a 'tap' it is still unacceptable but I still doubt it was. I have worked in childcare for nearly 10 years and have never tapped a child as I know that would overstep the guidlines on how I am allowed to discipline.

A 'tap' as discipline would be unacceptable, but a tap to get a child's attention is not unacceptable.

What area of childcare do you work in hardboiled if you don't mind me asking?

I'm trained as a nursery nurse and have worked in nurseries, schools and as a private nanny.