Advice for settling baby DS with nanny

[Taranta]

Hello, we've just found a lovely nanny to take care of our DS for 3 days a week when I go back to work in April, when DS will be 11 months. Aside from the usual anxieties about leaving the little one (I dread it ) I am keen to make the transition as straightforward a one as is possible, logistically speaking, and am looking for some tips on the settling in period in particular...I had planned to have a few days in the two weeks preceding to show our nanny all house details, local area, parks, baby groups etc, and to leave her with DS for longer periods as they get to know each other.

DS is a delight but can be a handful, he has something of a routine but ie only naps when in the pram on a walk, for example...and I also havent yet managed to get him to take a cup of any sort during the day for feeds - he is CMPI and is still EBF as he will not drink the hideous prescription formula - so although I plan to express milk for the daytime I can see it might be a challenge to get him to have any...

The nanny we've chosen is v experienced, but even so I am worrying. id love to hear any advice/comments from nannies who have been in a similar position, how you handled those early days/weeks with a fretful poor napping baby? Anything i can usefully do in the next couple of months to ease the transition.

sorry this is rambling, not getting much sleep as we have teeth coming through right now...

My tip would be to have as short a settling in period as possible. 1/2 a day perhaps, then leave them to it.

May sound harsh but DS needs to learn that you go, you come back.

First day - spend say half the day with them both, then take a few hours out to go and do something, visit a friend perhaps so you have some moral support and someone to nag you about not calling every few minutes to see what DS is doing. Be in reasonable distance should you be needed, for milk on tap purposes. If you have the two weeks off work, then plan something for yourself to do each day your nanny is working - get your hair done, spa day, whatever takes your fancy. Nanny will welcome finishing early, especially if your DS has been a nightmare all day. Your nanny could keep in touch with you via text message and sending you photos perhaps, to keep you reassured things are going reasonably well. Let nanny go exploring to find places they can go. I find it's easier if I spend some time out of the house every day.

Is the prescription formula Wysoy? Maybe he will take some of it from nanny... you never know. Meanwhile express as much as you can and freeze it so there is a supply of frozen EBM.

Bottle Tip: Use a larger size teat, so that the flow is faster. May make him more windy but he may take to it better as less pressure to get the milk out. Least I have found with breast fed babies that when going to bottle a faster flow teat helped.

Napping may change when he is in the care of someone else. I often find that, maybe it's just me. Anyone else find that?

It can often be trouble to get a baby to take a bottle... don't worry too much about it. They can go for remarkable lengths of time with having next to nothing, waiting for mum to come home. They get the idea after a couple of weeks.

A sling/carrier can help, as it can free your hands up to do things whilst still carrying baby close to you. Nanny may love babywearing, or may not. Easier when baby isn't too heavy.

Things you can do... try him on a bottle once a day. Use expressed breast milk. Start with a small quantity. You may find it easiest to choose a feed where you know he's most hungry. Once he's got the idea of sucking a bottle, try the formula milk.

DS now refuses his bottle so he goes without and has water. He only takes the bottle if absolutely starving. It means he feeds more at night but I'd rather that than make feeding a battle. It will be okay.

We are just settling in with a new nanny - she arrived Saturday so was around but not working over the weekend, yesterday was a half day and DS was upset but could be distracted for short periods of time. Today is apparently going better!

I would talk to the nanny and see what she finds works best. Building up the amount of time apart is preferable but you may find you come home and DS won't let you leave again. See if she wants to be shown round of whether just a day of the basics would be better. If she's experienced she will probably have some ideas and you can judge how they will best fit your DS.

As a nanny I preferred to be left to it and I know it gets better, as a parent it's very hard and worrying to let go but if you have to then you get on with it. It's better in some ways for nanny and DS to get to know each other alone because she will feel less inhibited!

Thank you nannynick and sorry for the delayed response - we've had a ghastly night's teething.

The formula is neocate, but he simply wont touch it, so dieticians plan is to try Pepti 2 once i have him drinking BM by some other means than from the boob. He used to take a bottle till around 5 months then has refused ever since, its another thread really, but the most success we've had so far is a doidy cup and to an extent a nuby cup...

Get what you're saying about a short settling in period, it makes sense. I suppose what I'm hoping is that experienced nannies expect a rocky starting period with a new charge, and have strategies for dealing with lots of tears and upset that come with the separation. How do you remain calm and soothe a baby who misses its mum? My DS is the sort to howl the place down if things are even slightly not to his liking, so I'm imagining a meltdown extraordinaire...

Thanks Fraktal, absolutely i will see how our nanny wants to handle things, and intend to give her the space to familiarise herself with DS/everything without me breathing down her neck. i have complete confidence in her, its mostly the feeding thing (good advice re water in day and more feeding at night - he still wakes for feeds at night now so no change there) and his separation anxiety that bother me...

I returned to work when DS was 11.5 months old. He is also CMPI and was solely breastfed at that point (he refused to drink Nutramigen or any other hypoallergenic formula). At 11 months we dropped to morning, evening and nighttime feeds only and he drank water from a sippy cup during the day. He survived absolutely fine. By 18 months he was down to evening feeds only.

He also started drinking soya milk from an open cup at the childminders at around 22 months as he wanted to drink milk like the other children. At the same time I stopped feeding him as I feel pregnant again. He now happily drinks soya milk (mostly the Alpro Soya Junior 1+ stuff) at the childminders and at home.

So what I'm saying is don't stress about the milk issue too much yet - as long as he will eat yogurt and other calcium fortified foods (ready brek being another good one) then if he's not drinking milk during the day at almost one it doesn't have to be a problem.