CMs - Handover time?

[malovitt]

Just taken on a new baby. Mum came in and sat down at collection time during the settling in period, which was ok, but now, a month on, she still expects to come in and sit down and talk for 10-15 minutes every day.

I'm used to handing over on the doorstep, with a quick couple of minutes chat if necessary. Everything important is in the weekly diary and I email her photos during the day if we are anywhere interesting.

Her child is the last to leave and it's usually been a long day and I've got to start the dinner, clear up etc.

What do you all do at handover?

I was having this same discussion with my OH the other day. I worked out that handover with my parents can sometimes add an extra 2 hours to my working week! I am the same, I give a daily diary with full details of their day but for some reason all my parents still come in and want a full verbal handover! I have on particular parent (who is lovely) but she sometimes stays for 15 each time (4 days a week)!

I have never handed over at the door, I always invite them in but would prefer them not to stay so long.

I will be interested to see what others say.

Yup another one here. I am a bugger though and happily have a chat, realising all the kids have got everything out again.

I generally don't mind, although I do have one parent who really struggles to get her kids out, they just wont go, I have to start making threats myself, as she stand there going "now come on you 2 we have to go - I am getting fed up of repeating myself" and will say it 10 times over with no conviction in her voice. I usually end up saying, if you don't go with mummy now we won't be able to do x next time.

Yes this is a pain that I guess most cms have at some time. Think if parent turns up early then they probably do so in order to chat and think you just have to swallow this. However if she is on time or late then It's not on.

I would in this case have child in shoes and coat, bag ready by the front door. Make sure all toys put away and if u have playroom

turn off the light. Keep all room doors closed and keep her in the hall.

If she doesn't get this hint then be upfront and say, bye and kiss child and say got to go as busy evening, or you could put your coat on too as if u in a hurry.

The thing is you must deal with this because it will eat away at you.

Good luck

My first CM (when we went to meet her) said that she wanted to tell me this at the beginning so we didn't think it was our ds, but that, in her experience, it was most children. She said that when both the CM and parent were there, the dc would play them off against each other, with both adults trying not to appear too "firm" in front of the other. She said she'd developed a policy that she would always have them ready, in coat, and with bag at pick up time, so we said hello and then went straight home. She said if I had any worries I could alway phone her in the evening if it was too urgent to put a note in the book. (I never had to, as she was lovely, and all I might want to know was always in his diary). The children are tired. The CM is tired. The parents are tired. All everyone wants is to be able to get to their own home and get the tea on!
I'm so glad she did this, as it just set the expectations for the next 13 or 14 years (until youngest left childcare). It was brilliant.

This falls under the umbrella of things I will change when taking on new mindees. I will be stressing the drop off and pick up times are to be strictly adhered to and I will be enforcing early drop off and late collection fees. One (of many) things I let go was that when one of my mindees started the start time was 7.30 but the parent would arrive at 7.15 so they could take baby out of the buggy and fuss about before leaving to catch the 7.40 train. At first it didn't really bother me as I charged a decent daily rate, although the day is 10 hours not the current 10 hours and 15 minutes). Sorry, getting side tracked, in the new year I told all of my parents that I would be making small changes to my working practices and I would be putting all changes in writing. One that I implemented immediately was to make sure that all mindees were ready to go at their collection time and so far it's working well. When the parent turns up I hand them the child's changing bag or school bag and say "here you go, X's diary is in the bag, had a good day (or whatever is relevant), see you tomorrow. Good Bye". I have found the key has been to not ask any questions, not even how their day was as it opens you up for a conversation which you don't want to do and when they ask you anything, be polite and if the question is about you give very short answers such as,"how was your day?", "yes, good thanks". Sounds simple but actually very difficult cause you might feel you aren't being friendly. If the question is about the child give a short answer and then say that everything is in the diary, "yes X had a good day, it is all in the diary". You want to be professional and not let people think you are some kind of proxy friend or marriage councillor, I have had to start doing this as one of my parents started telling me all about their relationship and extended family problems, stuff I do not want to be told.

I had one family who would sit down and stay for an hour after pickup. They were casual aquaintances and I felt obliged to offer a cuppa but after a few weeks I just said things like "I've just got to start the tea" and stuff like that and they would go.

When I cut down my days, I cut their day not because of the child who was lovely but because the parents extended my working day so much and my dcs resented it.

Next time I start with a new family I will set expectations from the beginning.

In my experience it's never the children who cause cms problems! Only parents and most of this is thoughtlessness not malice but stuff like this can drive u dotty.

One of the reasons I chose my childminder is that she prefers to do a verbal handover rather than a daily diary and I find the interaction with her really valuable. I get to see how my DD interacts with her and the other children and it feels less like a working relationship as she's not just chucking DD out at the end of the day. She's my first so I am a bit PFB with her and I want to know all the little things that I've missed while I'm at work.

I'm so happy with her, that we're looking for a new house that will keep DD in her catchment area when she starts nursery/school.

I do however pay for the 15 or so minutes that we spend chatting (and persuading my DD to put the toys away).

Yes, isn't the solution just to charge for the time the child is with you, incl handover? You are meant to log time in and out anyway so there shouldn't be conflict on time.

When I was a nanny(many moons ago) I used to find it a bit odd when the parents didn't want me to hang around to chat for 10 minutes. Didn't they want to know what their children had been doing / thinking / learning / whatever?

I can also see how annoying this eating into your time must be though.

Now I'm a parent, however I do take DS at the door, as it's obvious that's what our CM wants. We do have a nice chat every so often, when she instigates it.

Like the others say can't you charge for it? Or ask the mum to come 10 minutes earlier, explain you need to finish working on time?

My nursery has a parent evening. As obviously pick up is a hurried affair and parents sometimes do want to have a chat. So I think it's fair for a CM to say if you want to chat about progress, let you know in advance, and that it has to be within your work hours and you charging for it.

See it's not just about parent's evening though.

There are certain things that come up day to day when you're minding DCs, and which a regular chat would pick up in the way that parent's evening doesn't.

I remember for example sometimes the DCs I was minding would ask occaisionally questions about sensitive issues such as sex, death and religion. There particularly I felt I need the guidance of the parents, as I'm very happy to answer these questions from a personal point of view, but I think it's a good idea to know what the family's stance is on these things so you can be respectful of their views, and also just to let the parents know that they're asking about these things. That's just one example though. It's also good to know other day-to-day stuff your child is up to!

Having said that, now I'm on the other side of the situation, I don't often get a chat with our CM about DS. And I hadn't thought back to how I felt about this when I was a nanny until this thread. I suspect I've been too busy to give it much thought really

It is giving me pause for thought now though.

So, back to the OP, I don't think the mum is being unreasonable wanting to keep up to date with what her DC is up to.

The problem here is that it's eating into your time.

Can you think of another way to accommodate this without it eating into your time?

Would it work if you said, "I need to finish working at 6, would it be possible for you to come a little earlier so we can have our catch-up before then?"

I don't wave them off without a word!
Do have a chat every evening along the lines of " She ate all her porridge this morning, I added some papaya in for a change which she enjoyed. Seemed hungry today. Nap at usual time, then we went to the zoo, she managed to point at her favourites and say hippo and giraffe. After lunch of XXX we played with the XXX and I noticed that she had started to XXX, have you noticed her doing that? She should sleep well tonight, thanks, see you tomorrow.
This takes me 2-3 minutes to say. It's all written up in greater detail with photos in the weekly diary.
Is that not enough at handover? (if nothing untoward has happened which needs a proper discussion, which I would of course make time for) I really can't be dealing with 15 minutes per night (five day week) She can't come earlier as is straight off the same train.
I've never had anyone do this before - most people just want to get home!

One of my parents is a 10-15 minute stay each evening! Handover is often chaos or leaves me with open mouthed! Sometimes she struggles with her DS to put his coat on and it can take AGES to coax him into it. I have now started having him ready with coat on. We now have a different problem of her playing with him in my living room. It can be football, running around chasing each other or the latest game...running from my hall into the living room, kneeling down in front of the stair gate, shaking the bars and pretending to be in jail then repeating the whole thing over and over! I kid you not. I think she saw the frustration on my face last week.

Garden pixies how mental is that behaviour, mum seems to b hyping child up, I think you need to just say calm down, both of you, one of my house rules is no running so I certainly would t appreciate a big parent doing that or shaking my stair gate as that could damage it.

I also dont feel it's always appropriate to talk about
Children in front of them, especially regards their behaviour.

I just want them to go home at pik up time, read the daily diary for detailed info, otherwise why would I bother to do it!

On reflection that's probably another reason I giving up child minding, house invasion doing head in

thebody - I know, it is mental! DP and I have a running joke about it. We also sometimes take bets on how long she will stay or which mad game she will partake in. She is a nice woman but I think the game playing is partly her feeling guilty about leaving him all day. Who knows! I give detailed daily diaries each day but for some reason, they still feel the need to stay and chit chat.

Yes think nail on head there, she feels guilty so goes over the top to be fun mum on pik up. Can understand to a degree but
Must do your head in.

I always find the calmest kid goes a bit hyper when parent turns up so that's precisely why u want them to just go.

We recently had a cute 1 year old start with us.

A mum came to pick up her child and she wants to take responsibility for her child when she comes to releive us. BUT when she saw this other child she was cooing over this one and ignoring her own one.

This made it difficult as we needed to get on with concentrating on changing the 1 year olds nappy (at the moment it takes both of us me and husband to change her nappy as she is she hates lying down) and getting her to go for her sleep. This child isn't with us long.

Her own child was playing up because of the mum's ignoring. Not majorly but enough to notice the child was doing it for getting her attention.

Also my husband needed to go and pick up another child and needed his lunch before going out.

Grr

Yep pik ups can be very stressful, poor u mumo3g, all been there gggr Indeed

I find this the hardest part of the day, some parents hang on forever, so I have been known to be in my coat and ready too, so I usher them out the door, saying I have an appointment and I jump into my car and drive round the block!

This is what I write into my contracts and give out at contract renewal.

The start and finish times stated on your contract must be adhered to, as I try to stagger drop off and pick up time so each family can be met individually and your child handed over calmly and settled.

If you are early, I may still be getting ready, so I will not be able to come to the door, please use this time to share a book with your child in the car.

In the morning, please hand over quickly at the front door with the minimum of fuss, it is far better for your child, to kiss and go!

If you are late, I may have already departed for nursery and then straight to music or toddler group where you will have to meet me.

If you wish to talk about your child?s day; you are very welcome to, (though this will be detailed in their daily dairy) so please ensure you arrive in good time before your contracted collection time.

The extra 15 minutes a day adds up over a week/month to several hours, so if it happens consistently, I will renegotiate your contract or charge overtime. I have to clean, tidy, and complete paperwork at the end of the day, and also to prepare and plan for the following day for your child. Late drops do not constitute a late pick up!

Delays are inevitable with trains and traffic, so please inform me well ahead if you will be delayed, so your child is not waiting dressed ready to go necessarily, 10 minutes is a long time for a small child when they see everyone else has gone home with their parents.