How can I tell my childminder I do not need her anymore?

[eastnorth]

Have started to use a nanny one day a week. My son has a childminder who he has had since he was five months old who I adore and is like a friend. Thing is the nanny wants her days. Even though I am happy with the childminder I would prefer to use the nanny four days a week. The childminder needs the money and cannot fill another space that she has, I feel so guilty how can I let her down gently.

There is no way you can let her down gently. But this is a business decision; you are giving her work to someone else because it suits your needs to do so.

Give her the required amount of notice, perhaps a little more.

Hopefully she will be able to accept it and remain your friend, if that's what you both want.

Thanks I feel sick about telling her, do you think it would insult her if I offered her some sort of cash bonus?

Well the nanny doesn't get to chose, you do!

But the. Nanny is so much more adaptable my son does so much with the nanny. If I want her to stay later she does not mind as long as I phone. I do not have to get him up and get out in the morning in the cold. The nanny even bathes him. It's so lovely that I can come straight home.

You need to do what's best for your son.

Well that's different then. You were making it sound as though you were just letting the nanny make the decisions for you.

That's it angi the nanny is. I cannot think of one advantage that a childminder has apart from the fact she is a lovely person.

Sorry ploink worded it wrong, she has only hinted for the days as her other job is about to finish.

It's a business decision and your CM should understand that. And you never know, she may find it easier to fill two slots instead of one. There may be siblings out there that need a CM.

People can't argue with monetary decisions

Just tell her you can no longer afford her so are going to use the nanny

It's a shame as he loves the CM & you have been happy with her, but if you part on good terms now, hopefully she wouldn't hesitate to have your son back if you need that.

I would give her the notice in your contract & if you want to/can afford to a bonus or at least a 'thank you' gift. I would just say to her that you really appreciate how well she has looked after your son and that you would never swap for another CM, but that you have decided that you will use the nanny because it means you can leave earlier without getting DS up, ready and delivered to her and that you can work later as the nanny will stay on, bath him & put him to bed if necessary. She isn't silly - she will understand that if you can afford to have a nanny it's an easier option for you. I would be very tactful and not mention the other things that the nanny does that suits you more (catering more to DS etc).

Nannies & CM's offer different things and both understand that :)

You just need to be brave and come out with it. You might want to make some weak lie excuse that you will be working late in the evenings in the future and this will be the least disruptive option for you DS. As long as you thank her profusely and give her adequate notice, then you can't really do any more.

Gumby?? The nanny will not be cheaper than the CM.

Thanks I am going to be brave and say something along the lines that chip in and angle said. No the childminder is a lot cheaper than the nanny.

Perhaps double check that the 'hints' the nanny is dropping are what you think they mean? Have the conversation with nanny before losing the cm! What if nanny has found another job?

Thanks I think she does want the job because she said pity you do not need four days. Also I think I would go down the nanny route anyway I do not know while I did not do it in the first place. With a childminder it's more you fitin with them having a nanny fits in with you.

Oh sorry

I thought nannies were cheaper because they work in your home & aren't usually qualified like cm's are

No problem gumby, childminders get paid per child so probably earn more per hour than a nanny if they have a few children.

I'm sure the CM will appreciate your honesty, your thanks for the hard work she's done and as much notice as possible - both to advertise the space and to budget, as you say she needs the money.

I'm sure she wouldn't be offended by a bonus (if you can afford it) and would probably treasure a nicely worded thank you card (well I do!).

Whilst its great you are on friendly terms, she'll understand its a business decision, and its as well to stay on good terms - as you may want an ad hoc day or school pick up in the future. :)

I have just had to do this, eastnorth, and after agonising over it for several weeks, I just came out and told her that we have decided to change our childcare arrangements. For the reasons you are quoting too: not to need to get them out of the house in the morning (I have 4 boys), the schoolkids coming home after school, the littlies get to play with their own stuff, have their regular daytime sleep times etc etc.

TBH, it went well. I didn't cry - she didn't cry. We had been with her for 8 years and she was a phantastic CM and a lovely person. Thank goodness, we are still friends - not best friends, but I enjoyed a recent lunch out with her . And she happy to help us out, should we ever need emergency cover, so it's all good.

My top tips:
Tell her at a time when there is no distraction or time pressure.
Tell her face to face.
Don't apologise - you are acting in your DC's/your best interest.
Give her as much notice as you can.
I did not offer her a bonus, but put 2 weeks wages in a Thank-you card which was a lot of money for us, but I was painfully aware that I was removing 4 mindees from her in one fell swoop... .

And FWIW, we were sad to leave her, the boys still sometimes say they miss her (new nanny apparently 'too strict' ), but 2 months after the changeover I can honsetly say that it was the right decision for us.

Good luck!

Thanks pacific dogwood. I am going round there in a minute. I am going to give her a months notice and another months money as I feel this is the right thing to do. I am going to say I have to work longer hours. Feeling really sick about it. Must be so much easier for you I can't imagine getting four up and out.

I think you are a lovely mum and as a cm

Myself I totally understand you have to do what's
Best for your child, and sure she will too. Also cms expect to loose children, that's the nature of the business. Good luck.

Thanks the body I gave her notice last night. She was pretty upset and said she really needed the money, I really hope she can fill the space. Thanks for all your advice. So glad it's over, hopefully we can remain friends at least she still has eight weeks money.

Very kind of you to give her 8 weeks money instead of four :) I'm sure she really appreciates it.