Could I childmind...

[thehidingcrisis]

I have posted this in chat too... sorry for the bad ettiquette but I realised you guys might be helpful too..

Lost standing poster ? namechanged, having a life crisis. I work in a demanding target lead environment and have done so for nearly ten years. I have a young daughter whom I have always put with a child minder without much guilt at all. However, I am EXHAUSTED by going to bed every night (I rarely sleep properly, if at all) thinking about targets and how much money I have made for my company. Even if I have exceeded my targets I am bitterly aware of the next month?s target and to be honest I don?t really know what it?s all for. I also worry about things I have and haven't done. I never, ever finish my to-do-list and I don't feel like i am naturally "good enough" it's always a struggle to keep up with my peers - although no one would guess i felt like that.
I?m not very maternal really but I have started to feel like I?m missing out on something wonderful for nothing at all. I have fairly recently had a big promotion which I have been working towards my whole career? but now that I have it (and with it has come more stress and more hours, and even less sleep) I don?t actually want it. I?m missing the first ever school assembly I have ever missed today (DD has a big speaking part that she?s worked really hard for) because work is just too busy to be able to justify taking two hours out. I just can?t bear the thought of her not having me there.

I suggested to my friend this morning that I could become a childminder.. she laughed at me which was entirely fair as I am the least childmindery person you could meet.. at least, I always have been? but I feel different somehow now.

I had PND which if I?m honest I never really dealt with at all. It?s only been in the last few months that I have felt like a mum (dd is nearly 6) and, I don?t know. I really don?t know.

Come and tell me how you are happier with less money? Tell me how you manage to work around your family life and keep your sanity? come and tell me what I (a complete stranger to you!) should do with my life??

Also, if anyone could tell me how much money they make as a childminder and how many kids they have that would be interesting. My Childminder friend guffawed when I suggested I would need to earn £115 a day before tax. She was also very lovely and gave me a big cuddle

I'm a nanny rather than a childminder, so an employee rather than self employed - thus steady income.

I took about a £7000 salary hit when I changed to being a nanny. Best thing I did I feel, but I have no dependents so I was able to take the risk (I was made redundant which also helped, as meant I had a financial cushion to pay the mortgage should things not work out).

Working with children is a different kind of stress. Much nicer I feel, I'm far happier now.

Not being maternal may be an issue - do you really want to be around children all day, every day? How do you find having your daughter at holiday time - do you enjoy that or look forward to her going back to childcare/school?

Hmm, I don't really have her in the holidays

I have a week away with her but other than that she is with a child minder, with her dad (who I'm not with) or at holiday clubs. I do struggle with it but I think that's because A, I'm not used to it, and B, I'm stressed that I'm not at work and I'm checking my BB all the flipping time.

Right now, going to bed with no target over my head is so appealing I feel like walking.

I reckon I'd rather have 6 babies all projectile vomiting on my new sofa than have another conversation with my director about Q1 projections

You could have 6 babies! The max is 6 under 8, of which 3 under 5 but then take off your own if under 8.

Depends on area as to how much you could charge but you'd probably need to be full all day every day to earn enough or you would where I live.

My childminder is £5.50 per hour including lunch and dinner

Do you have a lot in savings?

I would imagine becoming a childminder would be quite a salary drop for you. It could take many months, if not years to become established in your community as a great childminder and thus fill all your childcare places.

yes, you could have 3 under 5's (this is where the big money is) plus two after schoolies

it's a brilliant job but you must bear in mind that the paperwork, partic on setting up, is onerous

I don't earn masses of £££, I keep my practice small (I minded full time five days a week 8 -6 when I started and it nearly killed me)

You don't need to be ''maternal'' as such, but be interested in children and the world around you

Him yes, you're right. I don't have any savings but if I put my mind to it I can save 7 or 8k in a few months... I might work my arse off until the summer and save so that I've got a little nest egg while I take time to build the business.

Could you register while still working, advertise then if you take anyone on give notice to work then?

When I say I'm not maternal... I mean I'm not mumsy or cuddly. But I love teaching children and I would get reward from group things where I could interact with other mums and childminders rather than just the kids. There are several sociable childminders at the school and I know we could do things together so i wouldn't be indoors with kids all the time.

You've got the right idea, staying indoors with the children would drive you potty (plus they need fresh air and exercise daily)

I'll have a look for a link that gives guidance on what you take off as expenses against income, be back in a mo

Then you can crunch some numbers and see if it might be viable

BBL

here

There could be another solution, get a different job, work part-time, set up your own business. I don't see how childminding is going to give you that much extra time with dd, as for example you have the needs of all the other kids to juggle when you want to go to her school assembly. I love kids, I love being a SAHM, I am patient, I am child focused, I put up with mess, I see things from child's point of view, but tbh I've never thought I had the skills required to be a good childminder. I read the posts on other threads from childminders and I think they must be superwomen. I think you have to be really patient, really organised, really capable of living on children's wavelength, all day and every day, and not getting bored frustrated. Motherhood is a different pattern to childminder as your own kids get older and your expectations adapt, being a good mum doesn't mean you will be a good childminder or find it a perfect fit.
I know friends who had demanding jobs and turned to childminding as a way to be with their own children, but in the long term it did not really suit them, as they thrived on a different sort of working environment, and it was a poor financial return for a great deal of hard work and commitment. Temperament seems to be everything.
I may be wrong.

Thanks everyone - I really am all ears

And thanks for the like BALDs! I will digest all later on.

I don't feel like I'm thriving here - I feel like I'm drowning....

I think what you are saying is that you want to find a way to change your life, which is a brilliant start. You sound like a very motivated and intelligent person, but with a fair few thoughts whirling round your head, and you feel a bit caught in a Catch 22 situation. Often in these situation one will grasp at the least obvious/most outrageous solution, just to change things, but it could be that you can make small adjustments to make your life more the way you want it to be...In this case, what you want is to Spend More time With Your Daughter.

that drowning feeling - something's got to give

You don't mention a husband or partner - would I be prying to ask about DD's father? Please don't answer if you feel uncomfortable

Going back to an earlier post of yours, hiding, about managing your family and CMing

My children are at school, they go out of the door after 8 and trundle back in after 3 30

The children I mind are gone by 5.30, so the after school time is manic - snacks/chat etc, I do supper for my own after the minded children have left (pre planning, batch cooking, freezing) then DH and I have our supper later again as he gets in late-ish

School hols are MAD but I LOVE it - a houseful of children, wang together all the lunchboxes, gather up clobber needed, bounce out to the car and off we go for longer trips - castles, museums, nature trails. FAB

Oh, and I work 4 days a week Mon -Thurs, got to have time to have hair done (vain) do banking, see girlfriends, doc/dentist appts, clean my mum's house (don't ask)

Sorry for ramble

And the main thing is you hate your current job, and the stress of it. But the things you do like about it and are good at, might give you an indication of what sort of day job you do want. Sorry that sounds a bit vague, as I don't know what sort of job you do now. Perhaps you should post on the employment board just to see what sort of jobs people do which give them that work life balance that I think you are after. Also when you feel that you are not allowed any time to go to Dd's assembly, would it be different if it was a medical appt? Or you were ill, or she was ill? I think possibly feeling bullied and put upon is not helping your morale at all. Could your ex go to her assemblies instead, or you bearing the burden of all the essential days off?

oh sorry, I see you are not with DD father, ignore me me and my big mouth

I want your life bald!

My DDs dad is no longer in my life but he is very much in hers. he has her Friday night-Mon morning every other weekend and one week night from school pick up until the following morning.

I would never suggest her time with him isn't as important as her time with me, but the fact i have to share my time with her with him means I see her even less than your average working mum.

My own partner is in a good job (earns circa 50/60k) so we wouldn't be on the bones of our arse even if I didn't work at all, but that's not what i want really.

I have had the idea of working flat out for the next six months in order to save some cash then taking the summer off to spend with DD and to train as a childminder - then see where life takes me after September...

I usually go to the assemblies but he goes when he can and he is going today so she won't have neither of us there. I'm fortunate in that his job is flexible and allows for this.

I don't feel I can have time off when I'm ill. If she was ill I would just have to work from home but she has never been ill in her whole nearly six years.

Medical appointments are done after work hours, with my BB hidden in my pocket for sneak peeks when the receptionist isn't looking.

okey dokey, that sounds a plan

bear in mind that the process of registering end to end can be as much as 10 months, so factor that into your calcs

So what would dd like? Does she want to see more of you? She sounds perfectly happy atm, it is more that you want to see more of her. So act upon it, don't set up false idols.

I think you are getting a bit confused now as to what the issue is. You want some time to be with dd, but at the same time you are convinced that whatever you do has to be very very highpowered/money spinning.The money is clearly not the problem, the identity/self worth bit is. As you said, dd had her dad there. The assembly was not such a problem as you first suggested, just your identity as a mum. For the record, my dcs never have their Dad at assemblies, I always go, because I am around (at home) and he's at work, so it suits us that way. They don't mind at all. They are used to that balance. He goes to plays if they are after school.
You think your partner defines you on your money making capacity, and that the only alternative is to come up with a job that earns very well, so that he can continue to define you in that way. Yet, even he has given you "permission" to find your soul, why not just take it in exactly the way he intended it. Happiness is what you seek (and what he wants for you), job satisfaction, not the pay packet. It is up to you if you aren't able to grasp at happiness, because you say it is not worth working except for 60k. In this case you have said that your combined income is quite comfortable so you could survive on much lower income. I don't see why working flat out for the next 6 months is going to be of any benefit to dd or you. I think you need to find a different job, with a different workload and not replace one set of targets with another which don't suit you. Because I suspect that childminding a large group of children would not as easy or as satisfying as you think.

Really - that long? I'd better get cracking

Hmm, lots to think about there swanthing

I suppose I just can't see work as being fulfilling unless for money. I never have been able to understand how people can get fulfilllment from jobs that don't pay well. To me it's like slogging your guts out for nothing.

So childminding, whilst hard work, could enable me to spend time with my DD (which I crave and it was a huge deal to me to miss her assembly whether her dad was there or not and she was also very disappointed) but retain my perceived "independance" financially.

I will ponder on all the below advice!