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childminders club - this is starting to eat at me HELP

6 replies

worriedaboutthis · 18/01/2006 12:41

I mind a small boy and his big sister, both are under three, I've had them for a year and their mum is known to our family and we've become fairly good friends. We don't see each other much outside me having her children, but we always mean to. She's always highly praised me, and I've loved having her children.

She said something last week which is eating at me, and I'm worried about what to do. Ever since they started, her children have come with a few very small bruises on them - as babies and toddlers do! She always said it was her wooden floors and them running or learning to walk. I never made any note of them, as they're really random, and just look like your average toddler bruises. Like my own children, a year on they still have the odd bruise here and there, usually on knees or leg, maybe one on the arm - and she puts it down to them fighting a lot at home, apparently they wrestle and hit each other. Then last week she mentioned she just doesn't understand why they have so many on them - I said I hadn't noticed to be honest, as I don't see them without clothes on! Occasionally without trousers (after an accident or nappy change perhaps) but I've never seen one that's worried me at all. She then said the boy had one under his arm, which she said looked 'thumb shaped'. We continued chatting and she left, and it was only that night the implication hit me. thumb shaped????

She didn't mention it again, and has always seemed more than happy to leave them with me, and stay for a while after chatting about work and life. Then one day this week the older girl started crying telling me about a bruise on her leg from mummy smacking her leg. It wasn't a smack mark in the slightest, it was a small round bruise, and she is prone to telling tales at the moment (two minutes later it changed to her brother biting her, then later she said she fell over) but I told her mum anyways (pointing out I wasn't accusing her.)

The next day the mum joked, saying by the end of the night the girl said I had done it, but the next day it was the rabbit.

This is starting to really worry me. Particularly the remark about it being thumb-shaped. I don't think the mum is hurting them in the least, and the bruises are really minor - I mean really minor - but I can't help but think it's possible the finger might end up being pointed at me? I can't stress enough now much I don't smack them or anything like that! The only discipline I use is time out. I have ocassionally smacked my childrens hands - only for huge offences such as biting. I know the mum smacks their bums at home, but she says only for serious offences too.

What can I do? I know I could start writing bruises in the book again, but not only would I be entering 5 or so tiny marks every day, I'd literally have to strip them naked to find them. Plus I'm worried the mum might question why I've started now.

Is there anything I can do?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
HellyBelly · 18/01/2006 12:53

Oh no, I can't here at all as I'd have to come to mumsnet for advice like that. Only thing I can suggest is to keep ALL your concerns in a diary of your own at home (if you don't already) so that you have it all written down should you need to go through this with someone at a later date. Apart from that, I'm the wrong person to advice but hopefully someone will be able to help later on!

worriedaboutthis · 18/01/2006 13:07

The trouble is I don't have concerns regarding her as a parent. To be honest I'm not sure she's worried about me with her children, but my concern is that in the future she might be.

Our professional relationship seems to be falling apart a little. It's always been great, but she's been very unreliable with her job, and I've worried for a while that she might one day lose it. She had an argument with her employer this week and told him to stick it, basically, but she tells me this with what appears to be no concern that it shall affect me as well. I'm fairly certain she will still have her job, but it's not really the point is it.

To top it off, she left me a horrid phone message today (the details in a legal/money thread) which is the first time she's ever been like that. It really upset me to be honest, and it just seems like the concerns are piling up.

OP posts:
HellyBelly · 18/01/2006 13:28

Still keep a note of this, just like you have in this thread - may never be needed but worth noting. Will check your other thread!

HellyBelly · 18/01/2006 13:40

Agree with waterfalls on the other post - don't pay anything and if you do, ask to see her bank statements!!! Did she actually tell you they were postdated when she handed them to you?

babydales · 18/01/2006 21:52

Do you have a childminding development officer? If you do have you discussed these two issues?
If not then do so. Register your concers before she does, nothing official but you MUST cover your back, these things can escalate out of control very quickly. Write everything down and keep records. If she turn nasty, as they can sometimes, its easier to check through records than remember incidents off the top of your head.

ThePrisoner · 18/01/2006 22:26

If you have concerns about a child in your care which you are not at all sure need "passing on" to other authorities, just keep written details. This can be for anything, not just suspicions of possible physical abuse (I am not suggesting this is the case here though). This is something I've done myself (not for bruising) - write down the facts, what the child said, what the mum has said, what you think. Write down times and dates. You do not need to tell the mum that you are keeping these particular records.

I personally would probably also keep a record of any time-out situations with these children, and also if you have had to physically remove a child from a situation (fighting etc.), just in case the child was accidentally marked.

Details of any obvious existing injuries that you would normally write down (for parental signature) should still be logged in as you would normally.

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