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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Mum coming round to breastfeed in the middle of the day - yes or no?

41 replies

BartonStacey · 16/01/2012 18:24

Ds is starting with his childminder in a couple of weeks. I'm still breastfeeding him morning, nighttime and lunchtime and working only a few minutes away, so it would be very easy for me to come and breastfeed him at about 1pm, have a cuddle and save the faff of expressing/money for formula.

But would this be annoying/disruptive/unsettling from the childminder's point of view? I have mentioned it to her but am worried that she might not feel able to say no even if she would really prefer me not to disrupt the routine, given that she has two other mindees to look after as well.

All honest opinions gratefully received.

Thanks

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south345 · 16/01/2012 18:33

I would think it would be disruptive as she may be going on outings etc and would have to be back also the child may become distressed if you pop in then go again, could you not express for the lunchtime feed?

redglow · 16/01/2012 18:36

Why not just ask her. She can only say no.

HSMM · 16/01/2012 18:37

I had a parent who came to feed her baby in her lunch hour. Problems were that the baby might be very tired, and should I keep him awake? We couldn't go out for the day. Other children might be disturbed by an adult in the house. We had to make sure the baby wouldn't be upset when she then left again.

It all worked out fine. I gave her a quiet place to feed and whether baby was awake, or asleep, he still took his feed fine. The other children often didn't even notice she was there and the baby was more often than not asleep by the end of the feed.

When she had her 2nd child, she decided not to do it again, because the older child might be upset by her coming and going and giving his sister all the attention, so she just expressed.

I would support another parent who wanted to do this, but it does take a little bit of planning.

I would have thought your Childminder would say no if she didn't want to do it. If she says yes, just keep the lines of communication open, in case it becomes a problem.

Fiolondon · 16/01/2012 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

BartonStacey · 16/01/2012 18:53

Thanks everyone. The going out for the day thing shouldn't be a problem as she always takes them out to playgroups in the morning and gets them back for lunch at 12 and naps.

I'm not brilliant at expressing (and might also feel slightly embarrassed about handing over a bottle of my breastmilk for her to deal with) so it would probably be formula.

I don't think there would be a problem with another adult being around as she has various grown-up children/husband/friends etc popping in and out during the day. My main concern is that I would be coming at a time when she's trying to get them all to go down for their naps which might not be great.

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Original poster

BartonStacey · 16/01/2012 18:53

Oh yes, should have said he will be 9 months

OP posts:

HSMM · 16/01/2012 18:57

She might be pleased to have one less child to worry about while she gets the others down for their naps (make sure you are nice and quiet).

Certainly don't be embarassed about handing over breast milk.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 16/01/2012 19:01

yes, done this, and also taken the baby to be fed at mum's place of work depending on our plans and her work pattern IYSWIM (shift worker) well not actually at her workplace but cafe next door, the older children liked a flapjack and a glass of milk

I am always delighted to support BF, v low rates in my area

HTH

Original poster

BartonStacey · 16/01/2012 19:07

Thanks BALD - you didn't find the baby got upset/hard to settle when she left again? Actually I don't think ds will be as he is usually happy with anybody as long as he's had enough to eat. On the other hand he will probably be quite tired at that time of day... I suppose we can only try it and see how it goes. Or try not doing it and see how that goes...

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 16/01/2012 19:20

no, he just wanted boobie and then was fine; he ''got'' quite quickly that mummy was there for feed and then off again

wasn't forever, and y'know, CMs have stacks of tricks up their sleeve for distracting after waving mummy bye-bye.

I always made a point of acknowledging mummy leaving IYSWIM, no sneaking off, a quick kiss, wave from window then back into our day

it's not forever, lunchtime feeds drop away in their own time, go for it

HavePatience · 16/01/2012 20:36

I fed my ds midday when I was working. Just went wherever he was and fed him. If a cm was against this I definitely wouldn't sign a contract with her/him.

I love that BALD is supportive of it!

BoysAreLikeDogs · 16/01/2012 20:43

OneLittleBabyGirl · 16/01/2012 21:37

I would just ask. Obviously my DD was in nursery so there's no complication about them being out. I checked with nursery what time suits them best and I popped in mid morning and mid afternoon initially to bf DD. (she was 7mo). There is no problem if she was asleep because DD is used to dream feeding. Also I just bf in the baby room. Babies aren't fussed if someone is bf! They aren't a bunch of teenage boys

Flisspaps · 16/01/2012 21:45

I am a CM and would say absolutely yes - if that's what you wanted to do then I'd find a way to accommodate it.

HSMM · 16/01/2012 22:05

that's a yes from everyone on here then ...

Original poster

BartonStacey · 16/01/2012 23:04

That's lovely thank you - and yes it's great to hear of CM's who are supportive.

I do know the CM fairly well as she looked after dd, but dd was a bit older when she went and I was working further away so it didn't come up. I'm just keen not to make it difficult for her or to make her feel awkward.

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YuleingFanjo · 16/01/2012 23:08

slightly different but I did this when my son first went to nursery - he was also 9 months. I kept it up for about 3 months and it was fine though a bit distressing for me as I had to leave him twice a day rather than just the once. After a while he started napping more regularly and it was usually at lunchtime so I stopped going over. Now I send expressed milk in the morning and he has cow's milk in the afternoon.

Joshuassss · 17/01/2012 08:09

Hi I would say in my opinion that it would disrupt the day, what if the childminder has other children and they plan to go out, do they all just wait ? what if your child fusses and it takes longer than normal ? I think its fab what your doing but personally i would just exspress and leave the childminder to run her day. I think if i was in her situation and put on the spot with your question i would find it hard to not say to you " ofcourse its fine" but inside i would be thinking hmmmmmm agggghhhh and all that as i would have to plan my day around your visits hope this helps xx

ChildrenAtHeart · 17/01/2012 10:03

I would be happy to accommodate you. I think I am like many CM's and like yours & go out in the morning, then home for lunch, naps/quiet time etc so you popping in at lunchtime would fit snuggly into our routine. Might be more tricky in school holidays as we do more days out then but for that short time expressing might be an option?

thebody · 17/01/2012 16:09

another cm saying yes why not, 1pm is for me a quiet time after lunch and nursery school so would suit me but depends on her setting, ask, and best of luck

ElizabethDarcy · 17/01/2012 16:13

Another CM who would say yes.

Original poster

BartonStacey · 17/01/2012 20:46

Thanks very much: it's very good to hear opinions on all sides.

Joshuassss, yes I am concerned that she might feel as you do but not want to say no, although it sounds like you have quite a different routine to her. If you knew the mum would be coming at a time when you are always home with the kids anyway, would that make any difference to your feelings about it? My CM takes the kids out between 9.30 and 12, but then is always back for lunch and naps and doesn't go out again until 3.

I could express but it takes a lot of time (not to mention being quite uncomfortable), and I can't quite get my head round the idea of spending my entire lunch hour pumping and then taking round the bottle for someone else to spend another 15-20 mins feeding when the baby could do the whole job himself in 10 mins tops. So I think it will be baby or formula.

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pollywollyhadadollycalledmolly · 17/01/2012 23:02

Personally for me it would be a no. It would totally ruin mine and the kids day as we would need to stay in, this would really be a pain in school holidays when we can spend full days out/away all the time.

You don't have to express that day and then bring it to your cm, breast milk keeps for several days in the fridge and a few months in the freezer, sonyou could give her a bottle of fresh milk that you've already expressed when you drop off in the morning or a bag of frozen milk that she could defrost.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 17/01/2012 23:18

well yes, Polly, we've already said sch hols could be a potential prob

my term time routine supports a lunchtime visit - we usually lunch, at my setting, after morning activities and before the afternoon gets going - would you consider tweaking your routine in a situation like this? Obv theoretical, natch. I'm not sure that your day could be ruined by taking the children you childmind back to your home to have lunch in your home-based childcare setting, mind

Original poster

BartonStacey · 18/01/2012 00:14

Just to reiterate, I wouldn't be considering this if I didn't know that the CM is back home with the kids for lunch and naps every day from noon until three, with the exception of a very few days in the summer.

(Polly, yes I could of course express at some time other than lunch and store the milk in the freezer, but either way it would still mean finding an extra hour three times a week, so lunchtime of a working day is as good a time as any. But life feels a bit too short for pumping at the moment one way and another.)

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