Au pair change over - any tips?

[MLWfirsttimemum]

When we initially looked for our au pair I had some great tips from mumsnetters so now I am hoping to repeat the success!

Our au pair leaves at the end of March. She has been a integral part of the family and we are all very close to her. When she was home on Christmas leave she skyped and texted with us on a regular basis and my 3 year old daughter clearly missed her while she was gone (not in an anguished way, but asked repeatedly where she was and wanted to skype with her, which we did). We have found another au pair to take over from her and obviously hope the experience will be as positive as our current one.

My question is now how other people have handled the change over between one au pair leaving and the other starting? My daughter is 3, my son is 5 months. We've met the new au pair as we flew her over for a weekend to check that we'd all get along (top tip from another mumsnetter!) so she won't be a completely new face to our family. But, should we do a couple of days overlap between the two au pairs? A break of a week or so between them? Or a 'seamless' change over where they leave and arrive on the same day? What are other people's experience?

Tips gratefully received!

I have done both, an overlap and a weekend swap over. I find the weekend swap over better. It enables you to consider and make any changes you need and I have found as lovely as the deserting AP may be, they feel usurped by the new girl who you on the one hand are trying to make feel welcome and the children excited to meet her whilst also trying to convey how lovely it's been having the old one and how much she will be missed.

I have found better to say goodbye, have a lovely party, take to airport. Then following day I go back to airport, refreshed with DC excited to get new one.

Sorry meant departing AP

Mine left just before Christmas and a new one started on jan 4th. She was with us 15 months and the dcs adored her and vice versa. Meanwhile we have not heard a thing from her since and no one has even asked after her .
I started with this one totally fresh and so far so good. She is obviously not the same and we will take a few weeks to get used to her but she is the 4th one we've had so I know to be patient. Good luck

My point being don't worry if they are too attached to her, several of my friends have also found that their dcs have forgotten about them as well. Also it is good with the new one of start totally fresh and then she also isn't too worried about measuring up to the last one

Thank you both for the advice - will definitely do the break in between now. Any other advice on how we can lessen the transition (and pleased to hear your experience wouldratherbeonthebeach about not missing each other too much as I am dreading that a bit!)

We did an overlap once - was a disaster, clean break and then bring the new one in is much better. With our overlap our 'old' au pair who up to that point was excellent was more interested in impressing her new 'friend' and I ended up with two MTV watching/children ignoring sulky teenagers in the house for a few days.

I would also suggest not having an overlap, for all the reasons given above.

In terms of helping to smooth the changeover for your DD, I would definitely recommend making sure that you have a photo of the departing au pair that she can consider her own. Before they arrived, we've always printed a photo of each au pair and put it in a frame in the au pair bedroom - we choose a picture of her with her friend/family that she has sent us as part of the matching process, and hope that it will help her to feel at home. Our first (lovely) au pair set the trend of leaving it behind for our DD to keep in her bedroom, to help remember her by. Although DD is generally OK about moving onwards and upwards, she does have times where she obviously misses previous au pairs, and she cherishes these photos. In fact, one of our au pairs (she was sadly not a success and left abruptly, but that is a different story) took her photo home - despite knowing DD's fondness for keeping them - and DD has asked us to print a copy for her. Although this au pair was not a good au pair, DD still liked her as a person and misses her now that she has gone. (She may be the only one of us who misses her, but again - that is another story... )

Definitely going for a clean break! JennyWren what a lovely idea re a picture - what else have you done to make your au pairs feel welcome?

I think it depends on the aps in a question. a neighbour of ours overlaps very successfully - it has always worked for her. I think she's on her fifth au pair.

We're on our thrid au pair currently and I feel like still learning the ropes. There are always little things I like to do differently each time and I am inclined NOT to overlap. It also gives our DCs a chance to have a fresh start/not be confused etc. BUT ours always chat on Facebook and get to know each other that way. So, I figure they can discuss things anyway...and the times when our previous au pairs have come to visit and the current one is here the DCs seem to take it in stride...

THe main reason we don't overlap is DH and I like having the house to ourselves which we can do for several weeks in the summer is he is a teacher.

If it makes sense for practical reasons (you need help settling in) it can work, don't be too worried about it.