Another thread about nanny's food - AIBU?

[BigGlassOfWine]

We've never had much of a formal policy with our nanny (live out) about food, in general, it's understood that she can eat from our stuff, although we sometimes say certain things are off-limits. She tends to diet a lot, and so doesn't really make much difference . It has bugged me occasionally though that she will buy M&S salads from the kitty purse when there are all the required bits to make a salad in the fridge, but we haven't got round to saying anything about it. And the yoghurt I buy never seems quite right for her, either
Today she sent a text to complain that the kitty was empty, and what was she to do (and I was aware that she was expecting a playdate in the afternoon). My response was that there was lots of food in the house and in the freezer, which there was. Seems she didn't get that, she went to Waitrose and spent £11 on various bits, including about half on food (including prawns) which was clearly for her and her nanny friend....seems a bit OTT to me, but not sure what to say or how to say it.
I suppose it's all a bit of a give and take, she will often eat elsewhere on playdates and not here, but I was still taken aback.
Any thoughts?

havent got any advice, but i think she is cheaky buying herself treats out of you kitty.

I think it depends how often it is and what her reasons are.

If she buys the M&S salad when she's out and about and doesn't want to come home for lunch fair enough. If they're out for lunch/snack again fair that she would get something for herself. If she is catering for a playdate then I think that is fine now and again, as you say she (and your DC) will eat out at others houses sometimes.

If you think it's too much/too often then say to her that you prefer she not use the kitty money for food and instead ask you for what she needs and you will get it with the main shop. So if she has a playdate coming she can ask you to get prawns or whatever she plans to cook or to get a pre-made salad so she can take it with her on a day when they're out and about.

You should probably have a review annually to talk about things like this so that 'just haven't got round to mentioning it' doesn't happen.

Can you not just have a review meeting with her and say you would prefer her to bring her own food from now on - say you are reviewing household expenditure and would like to see some changes. It's very blunt and open, but honest and clean cut at the same time.

I sometimes buy a salad but always out of my own money. Your nanny is cheeky just say can she just use the food in the house in future.

I wouldn't be happy about this either. If there was lots of food in the house, and a variety of food, and she is welcome to eat it, then I think anything that she particularly wants to eat on top of that should come out of her purse.

Were the children eating the prawns too? The reason I ask is that our nanny will often ask a nanny friend over for a playdate, and she and her charge will end up staying for tea with our nanny and DS. Our nanny will make something (having bought ingredients out of kitty money) and they will all eat the same eg a carbonara. I think this is great, as it helps DS learn about eating socially in a group, manners, etiquette etc.

Maybe schedule a review so that you can have a conversation about this, and anything else she might want to bring up.

I think you need to review your policy on what the kitty money is for, and to tell your nanny. It's not her fault if you didn't make it clear to her from the outset that she isn't supposed to buy a salad from M&S for her lunch or special food for a playdate from the kitty money.

Ladylotty - generally nannies don't bring their own food

Bonsoir - a tad blunt lol

Just say to the nanny that the kitty isn't for food but things like play centres and swimming and other day to day activities and anything she wants to put on the shopping list

Sorry bonsoir - tad blunt was for ladylotty

Your reply was meant to be - I agree - not the nannies fault - maybe she did this in her old job

A lot depends on whether the dc ate prawns too.

As a nanny I eat what is in the cupboards/fridge and would use the kitty money if we need more bread/milk/fruit. If I was buying something just because it was what I fancied eating then I would pay for it myself.

Thanks all for your comments!

My takeaway is that she probably did overstep the mark a bit, but I also need to be clearer on communication.
I do think it's right that we cater in some way for her eating, and actually back to the M&S salad example, it may be a silly distinction (and hence the need for better communication), if she's out and about and has an M&S salad, I really don't mind, it's just that when the fridge is full of salad components, it seems strange to eat the more expensive ready-made version at home! But maybe she was uncertain about eating stuff in the fridge in case it was planned for....

To the other comments, DC didn't have prawns, so it was just a "treat" for herself and the nanny friend. In the grand scheme of things, it's not worth making a scene over, and it's not like it happens all the time, I should just make it clear that it is the other side of an admittedly wavey line . I wouldn't want another family to be paying for my nanny's prawns, so I don't think this should happen even as a bit of a "give and take"/"it all comes out in the wash"

How much do praws cost? I have no idea but would you have objected if it was ham or something?

I'm sort of in two minds. If you are happy with playdates then I think the nannies should be able to cook a stirfry with prawns - something 'adult' for lunch sometimes - I'm sure they must get a bit fed up of the things the children enjoy.

However, when you say 'seems she didn't get that' do you mean she didn't get your text or she ignored you? If you mean she ignored you - I'd be having words. If she genuinely didn't get the text then I think you just need a chat about what is and isn't acceptable. I can see what you are saying about the salad though - if there's stuff 'in' and they are eating at home, I wouldn't be impressed at her buying a salad at M&S out of kitty.

I also agree that, while nannies should, in general, be eating with the children, they shouldn't be expected to eat children's food all the time.

Prawns -cheeky!
Ham etc ok
But why the ignored text? Especially as she had texted you about lack if money.
Agree you have to sit and 'review' food and kitty.

I think you need to establish a budget and what it should cover. It sounds as though she may be providing receipts, but if not, she should be. If she is being extravagant with your money (I have no idea whether prawns are expensive as I don't eat them) then you need to explain that it's not appropriate and that while you don't want her to go hungry, if she wants certain items then she needs to pay from her own pocket. In terms of what she is buying for playdates, it sounds like she could use some guidance on what she should be making. In terms of the yoghurt, if this is something that you don't usually buy but it won't affect your pocket too much, I'd add these to your shopping list as a concession.

By budget I mean max kitty money per week, max spend on food when out of the house etc...

I think that you should tell her the max kitty money per week you will be leaving (because you have to have a budget for it), and if it runs out, it runs out. Also I don?t think that kitty money should be used for personal food choices, unless there is nothing to eat at home (which is not the case).
It does not matter whether it was ham or prawns, M&S or Waitrose. The thing is that you are asking for your nanny?s common sense in deciding what is appropriate and what is too much. If this happens only once in a while, let it go. If this becomes a rule, try and have an open conversation. I know it is hard, I have a nanny myself. We have a diary book where I write instructions (food etc) for the day, and she writes what they did during the day. If you had such, you could write it there on Monday morning e.g. ?this week?s kitty money is £xxx?. Hopefully she will get the message.