Any advice on how to avoid/repair communication breakdown with boss?

[myTHINyear]

I have worked in a variety of jobs caring for children, the main bulk of time has been spent as a nursery nurse or as a nanny, I interview well and am always very loyal and committed to the families or nurseries I work for.

But one thing seems to always happen and I'm worried that I am the common denominator.

Firstly, I am a friendly, conversational person but in my mind I keep strong boundaries for instance, I don't think it appropriate to talk much about my partner, my religion or family whilst I'm at work (I don't know if this is relevant but I'm really trying to get to the bottom of why it always seems to happen to me)

So a few blissful months will go by, every ones happy, then my boss does something to annoy me like get home later than she said, forget to pay me or undermine me in front of the kids, I ALWAYS take it on the chin and just feel grateful to have a job. I will not EVER mention anything that I'm struggling with because I see my boss as higher than me and I don't want to make it awkward.

But sometimes I just become unhappy in my job, whilst my employers are wondering where this, happy bubbly person they've employed has gone to, they ask me if im alright and I feel really uncomfortable, start over eating and just generally feeling a bit nervous to go in to work.

Sometimes I'll be in a room with my boss and I just block up and have no words to say, which is uncomfortable.

Basically i can't seem to strike a happy balance of 'you're my boss' but we're still equally allowed to have our needs met from the situation.

I lose confidence and they start losing confidence in me and the promotion/pay rise slips out of view even though I'm very sure I'm good at my job.

Thank you if you've got this far I just don't know what to do to stop this recurring theme in my life.

hi not sure if I can help.

first you sound like a lovely person.

I think its totally appropriate to not wish to mix your personal life with business, I am a cm and strive to make the relationships with the mums I work with friendly not friends, this can be difficult as often they wish to add on face book, go for drinks etc but this to me is wholly innapropriate and not needed as I have friends allready and dont want to blur boundaries.

as a cm mums and dads arnt my boss as I am self employed but as a nanny i guess this is a bit different BUT!!!! whats this idea of them being 'higher than you'!!!!!!

nonsence, noone is higher than you, they are paying you to do a professional job, you are not a servant.

similaly its quite acceptable to be annoyed at late payments and pick ups or to be pissed off if the parent undermines you in front of the kids, why wouldnt this piss you off, thats normal.

you dont need to pour out your heart to your employer or to discuss your personal life to have a good healthy professional relationship, communicate any niggles(if they are important enough) and then discuss together as equals.

you dont have to be 'bubbly' to do a professional job, if I was stuck in a room with one of my parents conversation would dry up as well unless it was about the kids, because thats all we have in commen!! whats the big problem with that???

You mention over eating? there is lots of help out there for this problem, is your partner supportive to you?

please dont feel down as sure you do a great job with the children in your care and at the end of the day they are the important customers here.

I think this is a self-esteem issue and you need to break the cycle because otherwise it will keep occurring whenever you start hoarding grievances/upsets/irritations instead of addressing them.

Why not try having a chat with a counsellor or a life coach?

This is odd, as you sound just like my best friend (except she works in a different field). I cannot offer anything supportive, as tbh I find it very odd, but I can say that you are not the only one to feel like this!

When i was a nanny I was always very honest with the family I worked for, in the same way I am with my boss (and other co workers) in my current role. I tell them anything that I would expect to be told by someone else, and chat to them about my friends/family/religion as I would want them to tell me about theirs.

Maybe you just need a position where you have little contact with your bosses, a quick handover at the end of the day and nanny diary.

I would find it a little odd if someone didn't want to talk about themselves - I'd think they had something to hide.

However, people are only human, you're bound to get the occasional forget to pay on time or leave a huge sink full full of washing up or deal with the children differently that you would like. No-one is perfect, you just need either deal with them immediately - ie I think you may have forgotten to pay me or brush it off.