Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

Original poster

Au pair advice

15 replies

JeNeSaisQuoi · 29/12/2011 23:42

I'm an 18 year old girl, and hopefully will be going to France in July to be an au pair for a family with three children under 5.

After reading some of the posts on here, I was quite surprised by how many people have had lazy or irresponsible au pairs - essentially like having another teenager in the house.

I like to think I am quite mature and responsible, but I would still appreciate some advice!

I don't want to do anything that could come across as thoughtless, so are there any specific things that you prefer for your au pair to do/not do?

I would like to show the family that it can be a good experience for us both, without being so keen to impress that I end up becoming some sort of skivvy!

Thanks in advance for any help. :)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

singlevillagemum · 30/12/2011 07:40

I think the most important thing is to communicate a lot in advance by email, talk about house rules, food, how they want the children amused/disciplined, when do they want private family time, when are you expected to participate.

It is much easier to do in advance, when you can run things through a computer translator and have a good idea what is being said, rather than face-to-face when you are both feeling a little tense and confused by the new situation.

It also makes it much easier to ask questions, as a busy working mum I forgot half of the things I wanted to show the au pair around the house but I'd sent her a handbook in advance that she had translated on the computer and she could point out things to remind me "You write there are keys to the window locks - where are they?"

Good luck for July!

Original poster

JeNeSaisQuoi · 30/12/2011 12:09

That's great, thank you.

We have spoken a bit by email, and also had conversations on the phone - I should be going over there in February to meet the children and get to know the family. I've written a big list of questions, so I hope we can go over all of those.

I would also appreciate some guidance on how to ask about pay/any extras (travel etc.) as we haven't discussed it yet. I don't want to seem assuming, but I would like to know how to go about asking about it!

This is my first time being an au pair (and also going abroad by myself) so I am completely in the dark about any documentation I need. Do I have to inform anyone in this country that I'll be working abroad?

I really appreciate your input!

OP posts:

singlevillagemum · 30/12/2011 15:05

Hi JeNeSaisQuoi,

I am a bit worried about you saying that you haven't spoken about pay. Do you have a rough idea how much per week and for how many hours. You mentioned in your first post there were 3 children under 5, so none will be in school. I pay my au pair £70 per week for about 20hrs for 1 child. I put £10 per month top up on her phone so she can call me. I pay for her travelcard & entry when they go to visit attractions in the school holiday.

Please do not leave this until you visit in February. If you have not already mentioned pay, I would email very soon and ask clearly for a weekly routine that details how many hours per day, how much babysitting and what they expect to pay you per week.

Just ask that simply "Please tell me my weekly schedule with the children and the house". "How many hours will this be each week and what is the pay?" There is nothing to be assuming about, this is a job and they will be your employers.

BeattieBow · 30/12/2011 15:10

I think showing initiative is the best thing you could do (and common sense). My best au pairs are the ones that don't have to be asked to do every last thing. so if you're sitting at the table eating your dinner with the children, you don't have to be told to stop the children bickering/to help the baby. or you don't have to be told to wipe the sides/load the dishwasher etc. or if the baby needs changing you pick him up and just change him. the key is that the parents want another pair of hands, not another child.

Other than that, talking to the children is a good thing, getting down on their level to play with them.

Original poster

JeNeSaisQuoi · 30/12/2011 15:30

singlevillagemum, the two oldest are in preschool and the baby goes to a creche during the day - there is also a nanny a few times a week to look after the baby. I have discussed the routine over the phone, and my main role is to speak English with the children, as well as to help them get ready in the mornings, and play with them in the evenings.

That is a good point about enquiring about pay before I visit, thank you!

OP posts:

PetiteRaleuse · 30/12/2011 15:52

Hello

I live in France and came over here 13 years ago as an au pair. There are certain rules about minimum pay - and make sure they are declaring you to the social seciruity, and make sure you have health insurance - a 6 month travel insurance policy should cover you.

In France you are supposed to either have your own bathroom or a bathroom shared with the children only - not with the parents. You should also be given time to go to language lessons - paid for by you though. I would really advise you to do this as you will be able to meet other au pairs / foreign students.

It all depends if they are doing it through official channels or not. My first family did it officially, the second didn't.

You shouldn't be doing anything more than light housework - ie tidying the kids' rooms etc and shouldn't be expected to cook anything more than simple meals.

Please PM me if you need any advice or have any questions now or when you arrive. I know how daunting it is at the beginning - I remember it so well. Do the parents speak good English? Are you confident communicating with them?

Where will you be?

My au pair experience in France was great. I know others' who had a tough time. But I never went back to the UK to live - ended up staying in France.

I hope you have a great time, and make the most of the opportunities offered.

MrAnchovy · 30/12/2011 19:55

this is a job and they will be your employers.

Regulars might be surprised to hear this coming from me, but actually this it not correct - French law is totally different from that in the UK. As I understand it there are specific regulations that apply to au pairs in France - and if the employer does not follow them then the au pair does become entitled to normal pay and conditions, including minimum wage, holiday etc. I am not an expert however: try the British Embassy in France?

OhFraktiousTree · 30/12/2011 20:51

mra is correct and regulars will probably fall off their chairs hearing it from me.

There are very specific regulations about au pairs/stagiaure aide familiales (depending what you are) which govern pay, hours, living conditions etc.

Can you clarify what you'll be doing? If you have sole charge of an under 2 who isn't in crèche the majority of the time the regulations will be different to if you're helping out and doing the school run.

OhFraktiousTree · 30/12/2011 20:54

Sorry missed the clarification post!

It sounds like they're doing it fairly by the book so you're looking at the standard 70-90€ BUT the speaking English part throws a big spanner in the works. To qualify for the scheme you are supposed to be speaking the host family language the majority of the time.

There is an official government approved contract you'll need to sign with the family which does specify that.

PetiteRaleuse · 30/12/2011 22:07

To qualify officially yes, but, let's be honest - the majority of French au pair employers would like the au pair to speak English to the children at least. Mine certainly did though the parents signed something to say they would speak French with me. Plus there is the obligation to leave time for language lessons etc.

The pay was 400-500FF 13 years ago - is it really only 70-90? now? Doesn't sound like much of an increase.

OhFraktiousTree · 30/12/2011 23:22

Yep that's about the norm. The equivalent on SMIC, taking into account room and board, doesn't come out much better for the same hours though.

The language issue is why we will never have an 'au pair' here officially. And why I know about all the tax deductions As long as the majority of the time is spent speaking French (so to the parents and the children during 'family times') people get away with it. It's when the au pair is expected to speak English the whole time it starts to get a bit dodgy even when you leave time for lessons. They place great store on the exchange part still.

Selks · 30/12/2011 23:27

I'm sure you'll get lots of useful advice from others on this thread, but I just wanted to say I hope you have a great time Au-Pairing in France, and that everything goes really well for you.

PetiteRaleuse · 31/12/2011 15:27

I s'pose with the travel card on top of that it is OK actually. I forgot to factor in full bed and board.

The Paris travel card is a godsend - and they do have to give OP one I think.

HattiFattner · 31/12/2011 15:42

I think its important to know when you are on duty and when you are off duty. For example, are you expected to get the children up at 6, then entertain until 9, then collect at 2, and entertain again until 8pm? In which case you would be considered an au pair plus in the UK and be paid accordingly for longer hours.

The norm in the uk for an au pair is 25 hours a week, plus two full days off. Thats 5 hours a day.

Light housework is included, but with very young children, I would not expect you to do much at all, as you will be looking after the children.

Babysitting - are they expecting you to look after the kids at night? WHat about overnight.....our au pairs friend was often left with the kids overnight.

DO they want you to drive - and will they take you out in the car beforehand to make sure you are comfortable driving on the other side of the road

Id ask about your room - will there be a place where you can go where the children are banned - so that if you need some time out, you can go to your room and read a book.

Will they allow your friends to visit? WHat about UK friends?

They should provide a phone, and internet so you can call home on Skype.

CestTout · 01/01/2012 19:08

I also au paired in France, for 16 months at 18 years old for a family with three children under 5! Fantastic experience and 6 years later I still see the family 3/4 times a year including the children spending a week with me in England on their own.

I would also ask about holidays, do both parents work? Will you be expected to look after all three every holiday or will the parents be taking A/L?

On a keeping in touch note Skype was a lifesaver! At first I agreed that I would only text my parents as was a bit shaky to start with, once I found my feet we used Skype 3/4 times a week. Again any days I was missing home (birthdays etc) I kept in contact only by text.

If you want anymore advice or just a chat PM me and I will send you my email address.

Best of luck - is a fabulous experience!

Flip