Not 100% sure about our CM considering changing, advice please!

[HelloBear]

My LO has been with a CM for about 6 months for 3 days a week. I have had some little worries from about 3 months, nothing major just little things. But they are starting to bug me and some are starting to worry me. It has got to the point where I am questioning whether I am doing the right thing sending her there and feel like a bad mum. The CM is lovely and I do not mean to imply that she is doing anything really wrong but it just is not what I expected. For ex. I am not sure what they do all day, I suspect the TV is on a lot of the time, they do not do any activities as such like drawing/messy play etc, and sometimes the CM just seems totally scatty and chaotic. Another thing that bothers me is that my DD gets really bad nappy rash with the CM, I then have to really work to get her skin back to normal for it to just go down hill again when she goes back to the CM. My LO has very sensitive skin and I have told the CM that she has to have her nappy changed immediately otherwise she reacts and I have provided lots of cream.

My DH thinks we should just move her to another CM (one we met with before we chose the one we use). But I am really worried about moving her for 2 reasons. Firstly I am worried about disrupting my LO, she is quite a nervous girl, quiet and shy, she gets upset at separation and I am worried about her managing a move.

Second the CM community where I live is a small world and I know that all the CMs know each other and meet up regularly. I am worried how it will look if we move her with the new CM and our current one.

After writing all this I am not sure what question I am asking!

I guess - should I talk to the CM about some of my worries? Do other CMs think this is reasonable? Would you be OK with parents talking to you about stuff they were not happy about (in a polite and professional way!)?

Or if I just am not feeling happy should I just change?

Does your DD need changing as soon as she has wee'd or is it just as soon as she has pooed? I would expect a poo to be changed instantly (as it is at home) but I don't think that most children need changing after each wee, so if that is it then it will take a bit more work to get your CM into the right mindset.

We use a nursery rather than a CM (I don't have strong views either way as I think each suits different children, but I am saying that as I may not have realistic expectations of CM). I expect the nursery to do all of the messy play and drawing that DD needs. I expect it to be well organised as I think children find a predictable environment more comfortable. I expect the nursery staff to be entirely child focussed in a way that I am not when I am with DD as I am trying to get other stuff done at the same time. I don't expect her to watch TV at nursery. I would expect a CM to be a bit more flexible on TV than that.

I don't think that you are being unrealistic. If you are comfortable with doing so then you can raise the issues with the CM, but you need to be realistic about how much your CM might change and whether she would slip back again. In your situation I would probably come up with a face saving excuse and change CM as small towns aren't worth making enemies in and you never know what version of events are going to be reported to others.

As a childminder I would be very upset if a parent was unhappy and moved their child somewhere else without talking to me about their worries frst. I would hate to think that a parent felt they couldn't approach me. As a mum of a very shy child I can understand your reluctance to change childminders. I would at least try to have a chat with her and raise the issues. Your childminder may well not be willing/able to change her ways but you will never know if you don't at least try. If she reacts very negatively or nothing changes then look at the moving.

How old is your LO? Does she seem happy? Do you get a diary/learning journey to show what your DD has been doing. I have always done a diary for children under 5, even with my babies, not much to say sometimes, but lets mum know of moods, how much they have eaten, activities we have done and what toys they have enjoyed playing with during the day.

Do talk with your childminder first, a gentle "can I ask what activities you do in the day as I have noticed my DD loves to do ........., maybe you can do this with her while she is here" could lead into the concerns you have.

Good luck.

I agree that it would not be reasonable to simply move your little one on without at least trying to raise and resolve concerns, and I would think your childminder would be happy to discuss any concerns. I also agree it is totally reasonable to expect to be told, and preferably have some sort of diary or record of, what they do during the day - in broad terms, not minute by minute. The only issue I would have is whether it is realistic to expect her nappy to be changed immediately she wets or soils. I go out and about a lot with my little ones and if we are say on the way home from a toddler group I am not going to stop in the street to change bottoms! ...and if I have two babies asleep, I wouldn't wake one up to change his pants and risk him crying and disturbing the other one. At home all day with a single baby I think you can choose to do things differently, but with a childminder she will always have to try and balance the needs of all the children in her care.

I agree about firstly trying to resolve your concerns with your current CM before looking for another one.
However, I once had a childminder for 5 months (outstanding by Ofsted by the way), which I never clicked with and hated her every time for little things, which could have been rectified if we clicked properly. I was very happy to switch her to an inexperienced young nanny when our circumstances changed.
I wonder if you can ask/see if your LO is happy there? And also go with your gut feeling.

Thanks for your replies.

I take on board what you have all said about the nappy changes, and in fact I did speak to her about it. She explained that my LO often has a poo during school run and obviously she can not change it then. This makes sense as she does usually go around 8-9 in the morning. I guess it is easy to forget that what I can do with just one child is harder when you have lots to look after! It just disheartens me when her skin is bad.

I think my CM might have picked up some vibes from me as today when I picked up LO she told me there had been no TV today.

I do get a diary but it is often 'free play' or going out somewhere. I guess I just need to accept that she is not the type to lay on lots of activities.

I will talk to her in the new year if my worries continue, so thanks for making it clear that this is the best thing to do.

One thing that reassures me is that when I went to pick her up today she was putting her arms out to the CM to go back to her , which must be a good thing. The CM is lovely and very caring and my DD is happy with her, I suspect I am just having a wobble [guiltyworkingmother emotion].

If it's pooing on the morning school run that's the problem, you could probably do a lot to avoid irritation by putting a good thick coating of vaseline (or another cream if your little one doesn't get on with vaseline) on her bottom before she goes to your CM. If you haven't done so already it might also be worth talking with your Health Visitor or GP about what to use on her skin - they might be able to suggest/prescribe something more effective, or suggest that you combine nappy cream with moisturising bath oil etc.

Aw, sounds like your LO likes the CM anyway. :)

If you get a diary then thats fab and gives you something to build on. Just ask if you can have a bit more detail in the activities section - you can always say you'd like to be able to picture LO whilst your at work or something if you don't want it to seem blunt. Its also good that the CM is taking your LO out (unless its to the pub! ), and if your LO is very little then it wouldn't be appropriate to do too many structured activities - the CM should just be watching her play and discussing what she's doing/helping her to develop her skills further.

If you want to check that she's singing/doing stories with her then you could always ask if she has a favourite book/song at the CMs, so you can reinforce it at home, for continuity. Or ask what they've been singing so you can practise it with your DD.

Good luck. :)