Separation aniexty for childminder

[Rudgey]

Has anyone had experience with this. I have had a 15 months old with me for 4months and all was fine and happy until last week. She spent the first day of the week screaming the most horrible scream at me all day and following me everywhere. Thought she might be I'll so gave her medicine which made no difference, called Mum to pick up early and she took her to doctors to check out and no problems. Next day the same and the day after that. All is fine if I am sitting down and not moving but the minute I move or walk to another part of the house (all open plan), she screams the house down. She is with me 3 days a week, so Mon comes again and it all starts again. Figure it must be some kind of separation anxiety, the problem is that she is now setting off the other little ones, so they are starting to cry because the screaming is so loud and unsettling. She doesn't seem to be so bad with Mum but with me it is terrible. Has anyone had any experience of this, if so how did you deal with it to keep everyone happy, how long did it last. Please please give me advice. Husband not happy for me to continue much longer as the stress it is causing me and our children.

No advice here, sorry, but watching with interest as a friend has a very similar problem!

My littlest mindee bonded with me immediately but was initially very hard work in that he wanted to be held all the time. This gradually improved but he then would go berserk if I moved out of his eyeline. Again he gradually became more secure and self-reliant but I would have to keep talking to him if I moved out of sight or he would scream. Finally he would be okay playing without me and without me talking to him for a few minutes. But I find more than a few days at home will put him back a stage or two and we have to build up the self confidence again. All children are different - some are just a lot more self reliant and resilient than others. Often it's a reflection of the parents' personalities. I do think anxious Mum's tend to have anxious babies.

yes had it myself and unfortunatly as a cm its all you, unlike a nursery where staff can pass child around, and of course again as a cm its in your house affecting your family and other mindees..

first thing to say, this will pass, the child WILL settle BUT its all a case of how long you are prepered to give it.. if you can discuss with parents and be upfront and say there is a time limit to this, say 4 weeks of trying to overcome this with parents help, then you wont feel so helpless and demoralised..

personally I couldnt stand more than 4 weeks non stop crying( had 3 weeks with one mindee and it honestly nearly broke me, i am not bloody Mary Poppins, so was going to give notice and then she suddenly settled.

my dh and own dcs were affected as was the whole setting so wasnt prepered to upset all for one child.

settle in your own mind how long you are giving this situation to improve, work at it and then evaluate.

if you know in your own mind that you can give notice then its often much easier to deal with.

best of luck.

i had one and in the end gave notice i could even change another childs bum, decided to tell parents that she needed a change and nursery would be better for her and she is super at nursery been there 1yr now and settled well, so glad i gave notice, all children are different

Thank you so much for all your advice. I just wonder why has this started now when she has been with me 4 months. In the beginning she was a little clingy but settled really well. Husband is going mad at me saying he does not want our own LO's upset with the horrible noise so now I am fighting with him. My own 18 month old can't get near me sometimes, if I am trying to do anything for any other mindees, she tries to sit on my lap or pushes the other LO out the way. If I am sitting at the table trying to write up the diaries, she stands with her head on my lap. I give her cuddle while sitting on the floor, I won't pick her up or carry her around. My house is very open plan so no doors can be shut between us and I am walking very slowly whenever I need to go anywhere so she can follow at her pace, but still screaming behind me. Am at breaking point and don't know what else I can do to calm this down. Last day tomorrow for Xmas and am hoping it will be better after. How long is a good amount of time to give this after Xmas to give notice if it comes to that, I will feel such a failure if I have to give notice.

Can the parents leave comforting toys/blanket that smells of home? Or a photo of themselves might help? Or her favourite music playing?

Talk to the parents and get them onside. Is there anything at home that might be unsettling her? If not then you may need to treat it like a new settling period. So parents would need to drop off for shorter sessions (don't know if this is feasible with their work).

Obviously you do need to split your attention between your mindees (and your own poor toddler), so if this child is pushing then firmly put her to one-side and remind her 'we don't push! its x's turn to sit on my knee'. If she won't listen (or in general when you need a 5 minute break) then sit her in a highchair/buggy so she is close to you and can play but can't be physically climbing on you or pushing.

I think you have to decide what your boundaries are with her behaviour and what you'll accept. Keep talking/singing to her calmly and being kind but firm and hopefully she'll settle soon.

I have a mindee who has been with me for 9 months and is still like this to a certain extent, although hugely improved. She would follow me around and scream hystericaly if she couldn't see me. It was not too bad if we were alone in the house but if we were at playgroup or if anyone else was in the house, including other mindees, the hysterics would start. She would also scream everytime she saw my husband, which was really starting to get to him.

At first I would pick her up to console her and when that didn't work I tried ignoring it but with no improvement, finally I would just get down to her level and tell her where I was going. So for example I would say "x, I am going into the kitchen now, would you like to come?"and then hold her hand and let her come with me. I did get some funny looks at playgroup when we would be sitting on the mat playing and I would tell her I had to go and see someone a few feet away but it worked and now if we are at home I don't have to explain where I'm going every 2 minutes and she is quite happy to play with the other children while I leave the room for a moment.

I still have to use that tactic if we are out but 8 times out of 10 as long as I have told her where I am and she can see me then she is ok. She even likes my husband now, he would play peek a boo behind the door before entering whichever room she was in and now she asks for him and gets excited when hears him come in.

I know it is difficult with other little ones around but even just stopping the screaming made a huge difference and the clinginess stopped soon after. For the sake of you and your family you do need to decide how long you can cope and be honest with the parents so they know where they stand.