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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Advice pls - how to handle a nannies holiday request

29 replies

howdidthishappenthen · 13/12/2011 10:07

Hi. We have a great nanny with us in her first year as our employ. We are London based. She gets 20 days holiday and the usual bank holidays. She has take 16 days so far, and had pre booked the 28/29/30 Dec, to return to work on the 3rd. On the 3rd she was to travel with us to Dorset to work the rest of that week with us in our holiday home.

She has just told me that she has booked the return coach trip from her new year break as an overnight 12-hour bus, arriving into London at 6.30am on the 3rd, and so she doesn't think she'll be able to work on that day. Annoying at the short notice, but not a disaster. However, we are planning on travelling as a group from London to Dorset on the 3rd, so if she doesn't work this day, we would now be leaving without her. Do I say tough, you didn't book the 3rd so you have to work (and would she really be in a fit state to look after 2 kids anyway?) or do I say she can have the 3rd if she wants it, but she has to get herself to our place in Dorset by 10am on the 4th at her own expense? Or maybe a compromise is that we leave for Dorset at 2pm and she gets to go home for a couple of hours to sleep, change etc, and takes it as a half-day?

What seems most fair on everyone?

(BTW have also agreed a trade with her that she gets an extra days' holiday as recompense for the inconvenience of working away from home for 4 days, so that's covered)

OP posts:

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xmyboys · 13/12/2011 10:36

Thoughtless of her to make this request without knowing your plans. Did she know you were travelling that day?

mybrainsthinkingfuckyousanta · 13/12/2011 10:50

Half-day option

Original poster

howdidthishappenthen · 13/12/2011 10:51

I told her on Monday morning we'd be travelling on the 3rd. Monday evening she reveals the overnight bus journey and asks for the extra day off. Thoughtless, yes, but she's 23 and none of us were perfect employees at that age. I just need now to decide what to respond with.

OP posts:

Original poster

howdidthishappenthen · 13/12/2011 10:53

I'm thinking half day too..

OP posts:

nannynick · 13/12/2011 11:41

Get her to start at lunchtime, so you can all still travel to Dorset together.

bbcessex · 13/12/2011 13:26

I know what you mean about being young and not perfect (although I was, of course ! I think you are doing the wisest thing by sucking it up.. it is totally irritating, but it's done now, so rightly, you have to look at solutions.

Why don't you have a chat with her? She's already agreed to come only the holiday to Dorset, so she knows she has to get there some how. You could discuss options, and on the basis that you pretty much have to go along with her, see what suits her best eg:

Come straight to you from the coach and and travel/sleep in the car
Have a half day, meet you at 2pm to travel
You pay for a train ticket and she gets herself to Dorset for the 4th

However, if it were my dilemna, my compromise (not that it is one!) for a stress free holiday would be to pay for her train ticket, and ask her to totally, faithfully commit to arriving on the 4th under her own steam.

Buses and Coaches can often be late / subject to weather etc., the last thing you want is two excited children getting hyper then anxious if her delay means your delay.

catepilarr · 13/12/2011 14:46

i dont think her age is an excuse for what she has done. her coach on monday might be the first one in after the new year but if that was the case i wuld expect her to discuss that with you and offer solutions to how to make it work and not just tell you she might not be fit to work that day.
if she is to travel separately i think she should pay, unless you save her travel expenses when she is not traveling with you.

Fishpond · 13/12/2011 15:47

I would say that she come with you at 2pm on the 3rd. If you don't want to chance her being late, or you really would like to leave earlier, then I'd pay for a train ticket for her to be there on the 4th. I don't think she should have to pay for her own ticket to join you on a family holiday

LaurieFairyCake · 13/12/2011 15:55

I agree that if you actually give her the 3rd off you can't expect her to pay for her own ticket (it will probably cost a £100 and will not get her theere for 10am).

I wouldn't give her the day off and tell her she will have to travel with you and you will be understanding about her 'not being as professional on that day due to tiredness' - maybe you could offer to share the care with her on that day?

Original poster

howdidthishappenthen · 13/12/2011 17:03

OK, so I'm going to suggest we leave at 2pm so she can get herself sorted - but for those saying it's unreasonable to offer her the option of travelling separately and paying for her own travel (which is £20 BTW) then replay the scenario as follows

Traditional office-based employer/employee situation and an offsite 3 day conference is starting on the day the employee comes back from holiday, with travel tickets prepaid by the employer and non-refundable. The employee comes in saying 'sorry, I mistimed my holiday travel, need an extra days holiday and am going to miss the first day of the conference, plus I can't use the travel tickets you've prepaid'.

Employee would be expected to contribute more proactively to finding a solution I think...

OP posts:

Secondtimelucky · 13/12/2011 17:07

I would suggest half day and tell her that, if she doesn't want to do that, the other option is to travel down by herself and at her own cost.

The way I would see it is that she didn't book this day off in advance - which she should have done before booking a ticket. Tis the cardinal rule of office jobs that you don't book the package holiday/plane/hotel/whatever before getting clearance on the dates. I would say that the same thing applies to a nanny so she needs to work with you to find a solution.

Original poster

howdidthishappenthen · 13/12/2011 17:15

It is, isn't it? I can just imagine the blank and unhelful hard stare I would have got from a boss if I'd come in with that news..

OP posts:

Fishpond · 13/12/2011 17:30

Yes but this is absolutely not an office job! She cares for your children, she is in essence a big part of your family. Compromises are much better than ticking anyone off on either side in this situation wouldn't you think?

Agree it wasn't best planned but things happen and a compromise solution is available, feeling sulky that in an office job situation things would be different is just setting you up for resentment.

Secondtimelucky · 13/12/2011 17:36

That's not the point Fishpond. I was saying that I think this particular rule applies just as it would in an office. The OP wasn't suggesting ticking off and neither was I. She is changing her plans to accommodate the nanny- it's just a question of just how much - and personally I think paying for train travel separately a day later is taking the mick.

Fishpond · 13/12/2011 17:42

Hence why the 2pm is a compromise ... One that I agree OP works well.

bbcessex · 13/12/2011 17:55

I think all employers of nannies know that office rules don't apply in nanny situations.

Rightly or wrongly, these relationships are far more personal and need a whole lot more compromise. The 2pm is a good compromise, but if it doesn't suit, i wouldn't risk pee'ing off a good nanny for a 20 quid train fare.

MrAnchovy · 13/12/2011 18:01

I told her on Monday morning we'd be travelling on the 3rd.

I'd be giving my boss a pretty hard stare if I had less than a month's notice that I had to travel on the first day back from holiday. Sounds like you are both guilty of fixing plans first and communicating them later - compromise without resent.

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 13/12/2011 18:05

Where is she travelling back from, overnight? Could you buy her an Easyjet flight so that she comes back on the 2nd? And then stick to your original plans?

Original poster

howdidthishappenthen · 13/12/2011 18:19

But likewise isn't part of being a 'good nanny' remembering to check with parents before booking travel arrangements? I'm self-employed so can be more flexible than most, but if I had an employed professional job I possibly would not be able to book the 3rd off myself now at this late notice. This is the second time with holiday that she has tacked on an extra day to booked holiday at the last minute. The first time, we went with it, this time it is less convenient.

And MrAnchovy I had asked her if she wanted to join us working in Dorset from 3rd to 6th, not told her, and she had said yes, so today I confirmed the arrangements. Travel isn't compulsory and I appreciate it can be inconvenient to be away from home and most nannies don't like to do it. She has the option of doing general housekeeper or office type errands if we're out of London on her working days, which is what we normally do instead. I haven't ticked off and no-one is sulking. I have just taken 24 hours to reflect on the request and to consult with the MN jury.

I agree, it usually works out that I am more flexible and accomodating with staff who work in my home than those in my employ in my office. Although this just serves to make me feel guilty about the office staff TBC. Can't win

OP posts:

PatriciaHolm · 13/12/2011 18:21

Presumably she has booked this not knowing you were travelling that day, as you only told her on Monday. I guess she's assumed a quiet day at home with the kids that day, doing lots of quiet craft/DVDs and now she can't get away with that!

I think the compromise 2pm is good, as she hasn't, I don't think, done this deliberately; she was probably planning to work that day but your plans have changed her thoughts on that.

bbcessex · 13/12/2011 18:30

I guess if you'd had said she'd tacked on holiday before it wld have put a different slant on it. But then if on monday night she told you if the problem, why did you confirm the arrangements today?

bbcessex · 13/12/2011 18:36

Just read that back.. Sorry, was a genuine question, not me being snippy

Original poster

howdidthishappenthen · 13/12/2011 18:53

Sorry, I meant 'yesterday' I confirmed the arrangements. The holiday was a spur of the moment thing we came up with over the w/e and TBH nobody dies if we put the whole thing back and travel on the 4th, but it gives us a day less of our family holiday, and given that I have the 10 days preceeding this traipsing from one end of the coutry to the other doing my duty with assorted relatives (around 600 miles travelling in total, with two under 4's in the car) I was looking forward to these few days peace with a nanny to help with the kids. We only ever normally have her services when we're in the office, so these 4 days with DH and I to go on long walks, pub lunch together etc was a rare treat. Anyway, I offered the 2pm start as a compromise and she's going to come back to me tomorrow.

OP posts:

fraktious · 13/12/2011 19:45

So you were expecting her to be there to work on the 3rd? And she now says she'll have been travelling all night so she can't and she wants an extra day off?

What if you'd had a business trip instead of travelling to Dorset? Or anything else important. I think she's extracting the St Michael a bit here and I would not be impressed.

Karoleann · 13/12/2011 21:20

Okay.....I'd say something along the lines of. #
We do need you to come to Dorset with us, we'll be leaving on the 3rd, if you want to come down in the car with us on the 3rd that's fine, otherwise you can take the day unpaid, but you'll need to get to us on the 4th by yourself.
Let me know what you'd like to do.

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