sickness making work very difficult

[homeagainhomeagain]

Hi, I suppose this is a bit of an AIBU but we are not that happy with our current choice of childcare (nursery), also my DD is sick again and we have no back up whatsoever. My DH and I share the time off but we are taking too much time off. It is very stressful. I was thinking about advertising for a Mothers Help. The aim would be that my youngest DD would be looked after at home and if she or my eldest DD were ill and needed a day on the sofa needing a bit of TLC then that could happen whilst my DH and I go to work.

Unreasonable? Or could it work?

You have my sympathy here. DD also at nursery and getting sick. For example she is poorly atm but not poorly enough for me to skip work if someone is at home with her. I've wondered if a childminder is better. She still can't go if she is poorly. But at least there are less nasty bugs around isn't it? Have you looked at the cm option?

If you and DH are both out of the home, then you want a nanny rather than a mothers help. The difference being that someone who is a mothers help may have little experience caring for children and would usually be working alongside mum, not in place of mum.

No childcarer will want to care for a really sick child. Minor illness is another matter though, a nanny may well care for a child who has a cold, or something like that. A childminder needs to take into account other service users, just like a nursery, so will send sick children home.

Thanks, I know noone wants to look after a sick child. Unfortunately we only appear to be entitled to have a couple of emergency days whilst we are supposed to organise back up care. That is the problem, seriously considering giving up work as I am finding it very stressful.

Has your DD only been at nursery a short time? Maybe there will be less sickness once her immune system has dealt with all the bugs floating around in group childcare.

I agree it's more a nanny role you're looking at. If you need a cheaper option to that, I'd agree that there are probably less germs with a CM. I have a 19 month old who started a few months ago and had come from a nursery. Her mum said the poor thing was hardly ever actually at nursery and spent more time off than actually going (due to illness). She's been amazed that in the last few months since she's been with me, she's only been off once and this was more for the child's sake as I would have taken her with the cough (just mum felt it was bad enough to have a more restful day). I do think some children stuggle with the volume of germs in a nursery setting, however for others it's fine.

A other's help is really someone who does a bit of housework/childcare while you are there. If you need proper childcare, you are looking at a nanny, really. Or do you have space for an au pair? that would be your ideal solution.

mothers

Will research a nanny. Does anyone know what I should expect to pay for one full-time Mon - Fri 8 am until 4 pm? I may look into childminders as well. We used a CM for my eldest but then we had the issue of cover when the CM was sick. Neither a nanny or CM is really going to solve my problem I suppose.

Nannynick - she has been going to nursery for approx 7 mo but she just can't seem to fight the germs off.

I second looneytune. Have had children come to me from having been in a nursery, rarely unwell with me, sick often at nursery.

[[https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0An5WGBXNi2E2dDlnYzZja1lhY2RrY2xxQS1mR3lVTVE Spreadsheet: Cost Calculation for Full Time nanny, 5 days per week, 8 hours per day[/url]

For purposes of the spreadsheet, I have used Employers NI figures for 2012/13 tax year, supplied via MrAnchovy's PAYE Calculator (2012/13).

I have fixed expenses kitty at £5 per day. What your nanny would actually spend on activities, outings could be less/more. I have not included anything for mileage payments should nanny use their own car, or any costs for public transport as those costs are dependent on how much travel your nanny would be doing with your children.

I have also not included any wear & tear of your home, heating or lighting costs - as it is then comparable to you staying at home instead of working.

The cost figure is NOT PER CHILD. Nannies are not paid on a per child basis, so if comparing to other forms of childcare, calculate the full cost of the other form of children for all children involved.

Opps, I did BBCode and MumsnetCode in the same line!

Spreadsheet: Cost Calculation for Full Time nanny, 5 days per week, 8 hours per day

Totally sympathise. Holidays and children being sick are really really difficult when both parents work out of the home. I thought I was going to get an ulcer with the stress when my two were little..
I certainly remember times when me and my husband have had the 'who's job's the most important' conversations.. (I say 'conversation' loosely - I'm sure the neighbours heard the 'conversation' on occasion!).

Things do seem to come in cycles, and you can often find yourself with a 'too poorly' for nursery child a lot at this stage. Hopefully when the winter is over things may settle down.

Will your nursery give Calpol? If not, have you asked your GP to give Calpol on prescription? This was a godsend for us when DC's were 'under the weather' but chirpy on Calpol.. the nursery wouldn't give it from a Boots bottle, but will give it if it's prescribed (fair enough). Both DC were fine at nursery with Calpol when just generally snotty / teething / slight temperature.

(You can also keep a prescribed bottle and wash it out for future use... you never heard that from me !).

Failing that, if a nanny is not an option, a friend of mine used to use a lovely, older neighbour. The neighbour wasn't up for any form of regular sitting, but was quite happy to have a little one of the sofa for a day if they were not themselves...

Don't feel alone - although you may be thinking about giving up work, are work actually making you feel bad, or is it coming from you? Can you work from home? Can you stagger your hours? You're definitely not the only parent with this problem, and now mine our older the odd sick days seem much fewer and far between xxxx
(where's the 'don't jinx self' icon when you need it?!!!)

Bbcessex. You can see the pfb mum here. I took today off even though DD is her normal self with calpol. Didnt even think its an option to send her in. Shes only been in nursery for 1.5mo. Guess I either have to be less precious or I'll have to try a childminder.

aw, lilham.. I'm sure I was like that too at some point.. 11 years on, I can't remember!!

Your child, you be as precious as you like! xxxx

Thanks nannynick, bit of eye opener. I didn't think I could afford a nanny but I actually pay this out for both kids to go to nursery. I am seriously going to consider my options now.

Thanks bbcessex, we are both teachers so it is a nightmare. We get so many holidays but my DDis always unwell right in the middle of term. No flexi, can't take hols, lots of guilt. Good tip about prescribed calpol though..my nursery won't give it unless prescribed. Feeling a bit down, we'll all pick up when we limp into the holidays.

Homeagain, I have been told by an ex nanny friend that once you have two preschooler it is worth having a nanny. I never looked at the price of them because I just have one baby.

Hope you can afford and find a good nanny. Even if it's slightly more, I think it's worth the better one to one care. Also I can't believe a nanny can be sick as much as a little child.

A nanny for two children in my view tends to work out a bit more expensive than nursery care. However you get advantages - not having to get children up in the morning, someone doing wash loads, putting the dishwasher on, and caring for children when the children have minor illness and just want a duvet day.

Well i am a nanny most of us will work even if we are feeling a little unwell in 22 years i have one half day in all that time. You will probably be able to get a term time nanny since you are both teachers.

Sympathy, know how this feels and must be even harder being teachers. DH and I take a/l but know that's restricted for teachers.

Agree that nursery might mean more bugs than other types of care, this was our experience, so don't give up work just yet, maybe try a nanny (or a kind if nannyshare, maybe there is a couple somewhere near you who just want holiday care, or care for part of day) or a childminder.

Also think the idea of asking around incase there is a kindly person - retired or student maybe - who doesn't work and might be able to do the odd day could be good.