Childminders I need your advice

[happymschicken]

My 2.5yr old DS has been going to his childminder?s for approx 18 months now. We?ve had a few minor issues with her but he seemed to have settled in really well.

In the last few weeks however, his behaviour has completely changed. He says he doesn?t want to go in the mornings and now cries when I or my DH leaves him ? something he hasn?t done since he first started going there.

He has become a bit clingy recently, which I?ve put down to being pregnant but I can?t bear the thought of him spending the day unhappy. His childminder seems as puzzled as us and I keep hoping the situation will resolve itself.

Any advice would be gratefully received.

What has the cm said? Does he only cry for five minutes and then is quite happy or does he spend the entire day crying?

He stops crying soon after we leave but is not really interacting much with the other children during the day.

I should also say that he's (or we're) suffering the 'terrible twos' at the moment and I think up to now he's been a little angel for her and is now being a bit naughty. Don't know whether that's relevant or not!

You say yourself that he stops crying soon after you leave, so I would very much doubt that he's spending the whole day unhappy, please don't worry about that.

I think it's more to do with the pregnancy than you realise - even if he doesn't understand what exactly is going on, he will know that something is happening and won't be sure about it.

That's what I think tbh. He's very good at picking up on vibes and we found out we?re having a DD on Friday so there was lots of excitement at the weekend. He has also started wanted to be spoon fed and laying in my arms like a baby. In fact, he climbs on my lap and says ?me be a baby now mummy? so perhaps that?s what it is.

Aw bless. Yes it sounds like he's feeling a bit uncertain about being replaced/displaced by the new baby, as his position as 'baby' of the family will be usurped.

Try to give him as much reassurance as you can - lots of cuddles and go along with him 'being a baby' if thats what he wants... whilst reminding him about the good things about 'being a big boy'.

agree with Leeloo but also remember that there are boundaries that you need to stick to with 2 year olds(well all children) so dont be tempted to go over the top in letting him have own way as thats as bad as never giving it iucwim, all sounds perfectly natural behaviour to me.

good luck.

I've cared for a little girl since she was 7 months and is now 3.
She kicks and screams when mummy drops her off.
He mum walks out and I sit E on my knee.
As soon as the front door closes E says 'has mummy gone?'.
I say ''yes'.
At this point, E jumps down, with a smile and scoots off to play.
When daddy drops her off, she's as happy as anything, with no tears and all smiles, so we've deduced that all the tantrums are just for mummy's benefit, and we now ignore them.

I'm sure your Ds is just wanting a bit more attention, particularly as you're pregnant.

Sally.

thanks for all your replies.

I phoned at lunchtime and spoke to the other CM (there are two of them - the other one is a bit of a 'drama queen') and she said there's nothing to worry about. He's going through a clingy phase and they're doing everything they can to encourage him to snap out of it.

I think it's your pregnancy tbh and him sensing things are changing & not liking it.

I would avoid talking about it in front of him when you can - in particular you and DH being excited etc. There's plenty of time to 'get excited' with him about it later on - just focus on him being your lovely big boy right now. Also, try to get family etc to talk to him first, to make a fuss of him & not bang on about the baby too much when he's around. You have a bit of time to make him feel more secure before the new arrival gets here and he's no option but to get on with it.

I presume you have checked to see if there have been any children leave the minders or new ones start? Or if either of the minders DH's/DC are around more or less than before? Maybe he's missing someone and doesn't quite know how to verbalise it? Just a thought.

Events have moved on a bit overnight and we have decided to take our DS out of his CMs.

He refused to eat all day yesterday and he's so distressed it's spilling into his home life now.

I suspect that something has happened, whether this is bullying by another child or he is just very unhappy there and I can't in all conscience keep him there when I know how miserable he is.

In 18 months we've had no daily diary from this CMs, no pictures or paintings or anything vaguely creative and on one ocassion we discovered that he had been left on his own in the house while the CM popped next door to get a pint of milk. At the time we ignored it but I guess it's all come to a head now.

Oh my goodness! How difficult for you. How sad that you have no record of any of the activities at the CM. How on earth have they justified that to Ofsted???? Well done for taking decisive action. Have you thought about what you're going to do now?

Not one record. We had a diary for about 3 weeks and despite me continually asking for it to be updated daily, it's been totally ignored.

I don't think they've been inspected for years and once I've cooled down I'll have to have a think about what to do next. I really don't want to cause any trouble.

Now, we've got the complete nightmare of finding new childcare.

Well if your DS is so completely unhappy and you're not totally convinced the CM is excellent that you're doing the right thing.

Roughly whereabouts are you located? Someone on this board might know of a 'good' CM that has vacancies. (Although TBH I've posted and haven't managed to find one, but that's because of the awkward location of DS1's school!)

Luckily family and my friend's CM have come to our rescue so fingers crossed we might be ok.

I'm probably coming across as overdramatic but surely in 18 months we should've had more than two paintings or an update on his progress?

well goodness me girl why didnt you say this before???

of course this is unacceptable, poor little one is probably bored stiff..

my littlies(both asleep now I hasten to add so having a stolen moment in between paperwork)

on a typical week we will do painting, model making, toddler group, library, soft play/park/ garden /depending on the weather, gardning, feeding ducks, birds, gluing, toy library, dressing up, cooking and always always story time...

they come here( and go home) happy, interested and usually knackered.

daily diary every day, reward stars and fruit bags to go home with.

please dont think all cms are like this, were they ever registered??

move him of course, as for left alone I cant understand why you didnt act then tbh.

good luck with new child care and set your standard for it a bit higher..