Quick answers needed please! Letting AP go tomorrow, what's reasonable?

[legohousebuilder]

I've namechanged for this in case any RL friends recognise this story!

My AP has been with us for a few months. She is a nice person and always reacts with grace to feedback but has had some very scatty incidents which I've posted about before (leaving the iron on for several hours, leaving the front door totally open with the keys on the outside for five hours to 1am when dh came home and found it, leaving the gas hob unlit and on for several hours etc.)
She is also the muckiest person I've ever lived with and although she has made an effort, her idea of clean and ours is quite different. She doesn't do some of the work I've asked her to and included in a written schedule - it just seems to get 'forgotten'.

Other issues include her saying she was available most days with 1.5 days at college and then it turning into her only being around much less etc. etc. A week's holiday I agreed to at Christmas when we need holiday childcare, then turned into 13 nights so she's only with us three days of the holidays (note I would never, ever begrudge an au pair going home for Christmas but this seems a bit excessive when we always said schools hols were the most important time).

Note too that she was already doing her course in the UK for a year before she applied for our AP role, so she did not come here on the back of us.

We can make alternative arrangements for the work she does (or doesn't in her case) so that's not an issue either.

Anyway, that's enough of the reasons why we want her to leave. We are also aware she is a nice person, she lives here and will need somewhere else to live and I want to do the decent thing.

How much notice should we give her? Our agreement was 'a minimum of a week' but I don't feel a week is fair on her as she will need to find somewhere else to live.
Would two weeks be a good balance as I also don't want her moping around my house for longer than that (and leaving her train of dirt as she cooks or leaving the doors unlocked or whatever!!)? I would then offer a third week's pay at the end of the two weeks if her room is cleaned up and she has stuck with house rules etc (not sure how to phrase that last bit to her).

Is that reasonable?
(sorry this was so long!!)

Anyone

Difficult situation. I think 2 weeks are fair. How old is she?

Seems fair to me.

She's nearly 20 so very young really.

I think 2 weeks and as much assistance as you can give her finding alternative accommodation. I remember your posts and she's not doing what you need and had agreed so it shouldn't be coming as a shock to her.

I think 2 weeks is more than fair. I prob would not do the third weeks money as whilst I understand you want to motivate her, if having the job and money was not enough to date I don't see that making much difference. What is she makes a sloppy half hearted effort and then you feel obliged to pay?

Better to just bite bullet and give notice

I've also timed telling her just before she is spending the weekend with her mum who is over, so I figured they can discuss what to do together and her mum can support her.

But you're right, surely it won't be that big a surprise. Her mum knew about some of the incidents and will have worked out things would be in jeopardy. She seems a very nice lady indeed and I imagine she gave her dd a bit of a talking to about making sure she did things well.

Seems very reasonable. I think the week's pay at the end is a good idea as an incentive to make the next two weeks work as well as possible.

Julesnobrain did you get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning ? If she doesn't do enough then you don't pay the bonus, simple as.

I don't think the reason she wasn't doing things well are related to her pay and am confident the bonus type incentive is a good idea.

We just broke the news and she is upset which I feel bad about but we have done the right thing in the kindest way possible. She said she doesn't think two weeks is long enough to find something else.

I'm glad we waited until today as she can now spend the weekend with her mum rather than being upset on her own and her mum can support her/ come out with a plan of what she will do next.

Well done, it's never easy to have this conversatoin no matter how right it is.

She said she doesn't think two weeks is long enough to find something else.
I'm sure - you need to remain firm on this and prepare yourself for the tears and despair on her last day. Perhaps take that day off work so you can cover.

I wasn't planning on asking her to babysit or look after dc during this time as I'm not sure I feel comfortable with it.
What's normal during an AP's notice period?

I know anchovy - it's going to be hard as if I give the impression she can stay longer I think she won't get her act together finding something else. But I can't see how she will find another AP job as she has restricted availability due to her college course and is away two weeks at xmas.

Re bonus anchovy. Good idea but what if she makes visible effort but actually results are pants?. I would feel mean if I witheld the money if someone had appeared to try but actually I would be cross and not want to give it. Hate feeling like that and I would probably wimp out. Therefore if it were me I would't offer it at all.

The extra week's pay would have quite a low threshold. She would just have to not start really messing us about, turning up at 4am and waking dc up, breaking house rules and also tidy and clean her room up at the end

Hmm she has got back from her weekend away post us telling her and literally stomped straight upstairs without even saying hi (she went through the hall and up to her room and we were in the living room). Now I know it's awkward but she is still living in my house. If she reappears tonight fine but if not that's pretty rude and I'm not amused about it. Time for an awkward AP notice period advice thread me thinks.