What to expect of nanny? My way or her way?

[revellish]

We have recently employed a nanny (only been 4 weeks or so) for our baby (6mo and toddler nearly 3yo) and I am still trying to get to grips with the whole employer/employee relationship. I would really appreciate some advice.

How much is reasonable for you to expect your nanny to do things as you do them or do you let her do things her way? (e.g. I usually put baby down for nap in his sleeping bag but she says he doesn't need it... do I insist or let it go?)

How much do you expect that she will account for what she has been doing and where she has taken the children of a day? e.g. Nanny took kids out on Friday afternoon, I work from home and she just said she was going 'out' with them at 2pm. She was only just back at 4pm (which is when she finishes) she ran in, dropped the kids off and left, although I did manage to get out of her that she had been much further away than I expected (30 min bus journey when I thought she had been at the park..!) She didn't actually say where though. :( My daughter is quite good at talking and said that they had gone to see one of 'nanny's friends'... which is OK in theory but why didn't she mention this to me?! I am concerned that it was because I wouldn't have been happy with her taking the children out in the afternoon for so long but she didn't want me to say 'no'. :(

And how much of a routine is it right to expect a nanny to follow? Is it unreasonable to expect that she stay at home in the afternoon after naptime and do things around the home if they were out in the morning? I want her to do things like painting and messy play etc... how do I suggest these things? It seems that she is brilliant at wanting to get out to things but I don't know how good she is at being creative at home.

But she came really highly recommended so I don't want to mess the relationship up but I don't know how (or whether) to ask her/ tell her to do things my way!

Argh! (Pulling hair out)
Any advice gladly accepted from nannies and mums with nannies.

Those of you who won't allow your nanny to meet people you dont know and work in an office /away from home / how do you expect to meet them?

Sure your bosses won't be happy if you keep working from home /leave work early so can meet everyone your nanny sees?

Not sure how that works in practice blondes. Also can I shamelessly ask your advice re hearing reading etc and how you sort this out so parents know what you do and vice versa - see my other thread.

thats what i mean gig - it is really pratical is it

and ive already replied on your thread - even before i saw this :)

it isnt praticial

but would love to know how those on this thread manage to meet all the nannies before hand

If you`ve employed your nanny to be sole-charge then you have to give her a fairly long-leash, a s/c nanny will not stay long if you are seemingly watching questioning his/her every move. Trust is the most important factor to a good nanny/employer relationship. Having said that I would always tell my mb (or text if it was last-minute) if I planned to do something or go somewhere that was out-of the ordinary. More to inform than ask permission.

Sounds like you need to arrange a time to chat ... then go & buy a diary!

I had a similar issue with a new nanny once. Nothing major, just a series of unsettling and slightly frustrating episodes. My gut feeling was not good but I was talked into "giving it a chance" by people around me. I'd raise the issues with her, and she'd agree to a solution, and then it'd be forgotten the next week, and/or she'd do something else that was strange. The issues kept escalating and in the end she did something terrible and I bitterly regretted following everyone else's advice. Since then I've had some lovely nannies who have never caused any of the uneasiness that she did.

So, sometimes it isn't just a teething problem, sometimes it just doesn't work. I'm NOT saying this is the case here - I can't judge, since I (or anyone else here) don't have all the facts - you need to make your own judgment.

Don't be swayed by generalised arguments about how you must trust your nanny etc. This is you and your nanny, and no one else is in a position to judge that better than yourself.

And yes trust is important, but it must be built on by both sides until it actually exists. It doesn't sound to me like she's trying very hard to gain your trust.

The only thing that gets me about this thread is the grobag thing - why is nanny opposed to it if you have explained it is a sleeping association?

Also I thought surely everyone knows to regulate temps with grobags - either pop baby's trousers off (which is what I always used to do) or use a lighter grobag if hot.

Hi there, just wanted to report back.
I had a really good and very honest (!) conversation about everything that was worrying me about various things with our nanny. We sorted out most things: I will not work from home (I think this was a massive thing actually), she will send me a planned schedule before the days she works for us, as well as keeping a diary. She has said that she'll be back by ten minutes before the day ends or stay ten minutes once she's got home after being out if travelling home has taken longer than expected or they are delayed etc. I asked that DS always slept in his sleeping bag and this was agreed. I think we've got a good plan going forward. Fingers crossed! Thanks for all the advice and help. Much appreciated! :)

Good to hear an update and that it has with luck been resolved.

Well that's good if it works for both of you - let us know how you get on :)

I think you sound really normal and not over the top.

the dummy thing isnt on, if its just for sleep then thats it.

i am a cm so its different for me as parent is not here and its in my house but all good child care is about setting boundaries, liasing and communication and respect from both sides but at the end of the day they are your kids and you employ the nanny so she should either be prepered to adhere to them or adios.

also an experienced nanny(lots on here) would be able to 'manage' your fears and anxieties as all in a days work iucwim.

you sound pretty reasonable to me..

Thanks thebody, I think so...