au pair question

[LadyHarrietDeSpook]

Hi. After turning a corner (or thinking we had) it seems our relationship with our ap may be about to end acriminously. This is not us giving notice/disciplinary proceedings, it would be on her side.

With regard to re-recruiting when this has happened - normally our current our AP would be speaking to the incoming one, etc etc. I would expect that any au pair who's was talking to a family who's au pair has suddenly left would be as wary as a parent talking to an au pair who claimed things 'weren't working' etc. How have other people tackled this? The AP could speak to our previous one who left in summer.

Secondly, we have gone out of our way to have her meet people in the area so any new au pair coming in is going to likely meet her 'mates' as well. I'm not sure I care about whether they hear 'her side of the story' because we have our own (as does the nanny she works with) but it would still be disruptive. Potentially.

Shit.

Well I suppose a lot depends on how confident you are that you have been completely reasonable with your AP and how you have managed her/cared for her.

Can you not simpl end the relationship now before she does? This will make it easier in one way...

It's not that I'm not confident about our version of it. Maybe I should just let that part go and not worry about it. I just don't know what to expect next, that's the issue for us. We were a bit blindsided last night.

Re letting her go. It's not off the table, DH favours 'better the devil you know' and it would be a hassel to settle someone new in - I might have to take unpaid parental leave to do it.

I dread giving her notice. I don't want her to be out of pocket for her language course. But I am also aware she may 'shut down' so to speak in the run up to christmas.

Tbh I really wouldn't worry about what she says. If she leaves early it clearly hasn't worked out and probably ended well (barring family emergencies).

I would put out feelers and see how feasible recruiting is. It may be that you find someone who doesn't need much settling in

Much sympathy though.

Frak she apologised yesterday for not reading her contract properly! Which was the source of the present issue. But it was a big step to say she had been in the wrong about it so we are going to try to restart things.

She still doesn't agree that three weekend guests in 11 weeks is a lot (fourth this weekend, plus some of the weekends including this one there is more than one person staying at various times.) She is including the weekend she arrived in that number and her second weekend here! So, really nine 'normal' weeks. The mind boggles. If my kid felt entitled in this way with some family, I would be going ballistic.

So my lesson to anyone reading this is, as NOVSTAR said on another thread, go through the contract LINE BY LINE esp if the person's first language isn't English.

DH is very firmly in the 'better the devil you know' camp. I still don't think she'll stay until the end of the school year but I'm putting this to the back of my mind for now.