Background ? au pair arrived from Sweden three months ago. She is great. We all love her, and she is fab at her job. She?s managing 3 children, a large and silly dog and a single mother who works full time with great humour and grace.
But there is a small niggle that is getting more frustrating.
The contract sets out her hours very clearly, and says that the weekly salary (which is considerably higher than average, in recognition of her fabulousness) includes two nights babysitting. I didn?t specify which nights, I just said ?by agreement?. In the notes I gave her when she arrived, I said that I would like her to check with me before agreeing to babysit for anyone else in case I needed her.
In truth, she very rarely does two nights in any given week, and there are many weeks (this week, for example) when I don?t use her for babysitting at all. The children stay with their father every other weekend, and one night during the week, so I have plenty of time to organise social events when they aren?t around. And in truth, I like my children, so generally do prefer to be around in the evenings when they are. So she really isn?t doing more than three or maximum four nights a month and at least one of those will be a couple of hours at the most.
Despite that, there are times when I can?t avoid going out, particularly if it?s a work event. Or when I don?t want to avoid it, for example when a friend invites me somewhere on a particular day.
Twice in the last week, I have gone to put a babysitting date on the calendar, or told her when I will need her, only to be told she is already babysitting for someone else (my friends have embraced the idea of a cheap and reliable babysitter with great glee). It?s immensely frustrating because I have just had to rearrange a client dinner that I assumed would be ok, and tell a friend I can?t go to the ballet with her because I don?t have a babysitter (or rather, I could find a babysitter but it wouldn?t be someone the dcs knew particularly well and that would make bedtime awkward with at least one of my dds, who has various emotional issues. And, of course, I would have to pay someone when I am in fact already paying for babysitting).
What do I do here? I can?t forbid her from ever accepting babysitting dates (not least because she doesn?t get out much, and it?s nice for both of us to have some space). I could say she can only babysit for other people on those dates when the dcs are at their fathers, I suppose, or that she can only agree to sit for someone else with less than a week?s notice, but I don?t want to be unreasonable.
The obvious first step is to say she has to ask me before accepting other babysitting jobs. But of course that won?t help if I don?t know at that point that I will need babysitting. And with Christmas coming up, she is being booked up further and further in advance. I see from the calendar that she has agreed to babysit for someone on 21st December already (not a problem from my point of view, she knows we are all away that night). I can see a situation where she isn?t available at all for large chunks of December.
Just interested in what other people do, and how I strike a balance between getting the help I need and being fair and reasonable? Do I just recognise that she?s entitled to go out, and if she?s made plans of any description I have to work around it?