Top 5 Do's and Don'ts when having a nanny

[FamilySweet]

We're hoping to recruit a nanny soon...what you are top 5 do's and don'ts? Would like to hear from nannies and from employers so I can gather together top tips and hopefully keep everyone happy when we find the right nanny.

Thanks

Depending on the arrangement I would add other things but in general

Do:

Have a clear contract
Agree a gross wage
Communicate
Respect them as a professional by listening, paying in time and generally upholding your end of the deal
Be appreciative

Don't:

Be persistently late
Expect perfection instantly
Undermine the nanny in front of the children - if you have a problem let it slide rhe once and talk about it later, if you come in and they want to watch tv or eat a sweet check that nanny hasn't said no
Seethe - give constructive feedback instead
Forget her birthday

off the top of my head - tho sure there are many others

NEVER undermind your nanny infront of your children - esp older ones

ALWAYS back up and then discuss in private - as the nanny will also support the parents over any decisions you make - works both ways

if late, then grovel - and dont assume the nanny can always stay - often we will/can but then again we have no choice - we can hardly leave the children home alone - so handy to have back up of neighbours/gp's/student if something that happens regularly

If you are meant to leave the office at 5 to arrive home at say 6.30, dont ring at 5.30/6 saying still at office/running late - ring as soon as you know you will be late

ALWAYS pay on time - never happened to me, but know several nannies who employers always pay late

a thank you goes a long way :)

Well a lot depends on the actual arrangement (sole/shared charge, driver or no, part/full time etc.....) as a nanny I would say-

Do-
-Communicate! Tell nanny when things are wrong, or if you are impressed with anything. Be clear if nanny can have other nannies over, if they can take your DCs on playdates etc.
-Remember they are a person, and may not be perfect. A bit of understanding if things go a bit wrong is appreciated.
-Be very clear what you expect from them, and remember how you do something is not how everyone does it. Many times had incredulous parents who can't understand that I do something like folding clothes or cooking chicken different to how they do it.
-Keep up with kitty. Nothing worse than having to either cancel something or fund it yourself and hope for the money back.
-Be friendly. A simple 'how was your weekend?' or something is nothing really but I've had two jobs with no conversation beyond do this, do that and it gets lonely!
-Be clear and upfront if job has unusual aspects. One family had a second home and expected me to travel there on my day off each week- if I had known at interview, wouldn't have taken the job.
-Be understanding if they have to have a day off if they catch an illness from your own children!
-Offer perks! My favourite bosses are those who let me borrow a book or DVD, give me leftover lasagne and my current family let me come over and watch their TV if they are away for the weekend (they know I don't have one). Little things add up!

Don't-
-Tell them they can help themselves to anything they want for lunch, or use anything from the cupboard/fridge for the children then get annoyed they use something you wanted. We can't read minds!
-BE LATE! Well, without telling them or texting/calling as soon as you know. If late, be appologetic. A sorry goes a long way! Don't think that if they don't say anything, or say 'oh its ok' if you get in late, that they are fine with it.
-Expect nanny to babysit with very little notice. If I have nothing else on I say yes but when I can't and my boss gets annoyed, even if they don't say it, I just feel guilty and I hate that!
-Assume nanny will be happy to just look after the children of friends etc without telling them. Extra children is extra work and means scrapping plans and having to change meals etc. A little notice is appreciated!
-Undermine nanny in front of DCs. Back them up, if you think how they are dealing with something isn't how you'd prefer then speak to them in private.
-Be dismissive of their job/career. Don't call them the babysitter!

I'm sure there are many more things though!

Thanks guys, I know a lot of people think it's common sense but helps to have things written down.

Scarf interesting what you say about unusual aspects of the job - we are hoping to have an extension done in the next year or so, so I will be open about that at the interviews. There'll be a temp kitchen in the dining room, and the area of work totally sealed off. Really hope it doesn't put people off....it might not even happen but just think it's fair to be open at the outset.

Meant to say, ours will be a part-time, sole charge position. Hoping for a driver but its not essential, there is enough to do here for a few days each week.

My boss always txts me and thanks me if I have done any extra jobs. So much more likely to do it again. Its all about give and take I think its sweet my boss said I can do a bit of personal shopping when I am out, so I always offer to get her things.

Be sure to thank her on occasion (wrt extra jobs), just as you have bad days with the kids where they don't listen or are upset all day, so do we and being thanked on occasion makes everybody feel better!

And perks like Scarf mentioned are brilliant. My last employer had a vast amount of books relating to autism and reading them really helped me start to learn about it, and my two sets of new employers have both lent me a few books (threw them at me even! ) to help me increase my knowledge on baby/toddler care in one job (first time nannying an under 4) and autism for my second job. I really appreciate it as I cannot afford to buy myself these books just yet.

And every once in a while buy the nanny a nice treat for her/his lunch or time when child is napping.

One thing about one of my current jobs that I like:
My boss and I have lunch together (with the baby) and she always just lays out all of the cheeses she has in the fridge, a nice fresh loaf, any fruit/raw veg she may have along with whatever interesting pickle, chutney or dip she's brought that week and warms up some fresh soup from the supermarket. It's such a lovely meal and it's something I'm finding myself looking forward to each week even though it's just a simple lunch!

If you get home early and decide to let nanny leave early, then the nanny DOES NOT owe you back that time at a later date. It is your choice to let them leave early and it makes you a nice employer. Which then can have the affect of the nanny not minding quite so much when you get stuck in traffic/on train and won't make it back in time for nanny to leave at usual time.

Choose a method of communication that suits you all. E-mail can be useful as you can CC people in on it, so if needing to reschedule things everyone involved can be told about it.

agree

DO
sort the contract BEFORE she starts
get home on time
if early let her go early
be flexible WITH EACH OTHER (life is so much nicer for you both when you can give and take)
pay on time & give pay slips etc etc
thank her
keep her updated of any appts / play-dates etc etc that you expect her to go to, WITH PLENTY IF NOTICE
get in her favourite tea bags etc
be sympathetic when you all have a nasty stomach bug (and time off work) and then she catches it too

Comunicate with each other

DONT
undermine her in front of the children
leave the barest fridge and no kitty and expect her to feed her and your children all day
just wander in and out when children are being difficult... eg mid-tantrum, during meal times etc etc, when children go from eating nicely to "not liking" anything nanny has cooked

show your nanny how how you to use you all electric applanices dont adsume they know how to use them. and i do mean all of them from kettle to your coffee maker to your washing machine to your hoover. this way she know how to use and not hopefully break any though not knowing how to use it.

if you want her to do the ironing
show where she can do safely and what you want your kids to be doing while she does .
if you want her to do while child is sleep know that some time your child wont sleep./she might have other things that need doing.

anycleaning you want her to do make sure she know excally what you want her to and where kids will be when she is doing it

let her know where all the stop cocks are
where the furse /trip switch . how to turn the heating on/off

Do get good biscuits and lots of them .
Dont get cheap naff biscuits .

Lots of things already here about being nice to nanny, which is all good. From the POV of an employer who's had excellent relationships with lots of fab nannies, as well as some disasters:

• Do ask references verbally whether they would employ the nanny again, and how much sick leave they've taken

• Don't put up silently with a nanny who is not a good employee (eg turns up late constantly, uses your kitty too liberally, spends your money on expensive lunches for themselves, takes frequent long trips to visit friends, gossips about you on FB...), regardless of how good they are with children. For the relationship with the nanny to work, you, as the employer, have to be happy with how she's doing the job, not just the children.

PS Also do go through the contract with them line by line before they sign, so you both understand fully the meaning of the contract: eg holiday accruals, selection of holiday dates, whether holiday allowance include bank holidays (this is especially important to clarify for part time nannies), notice periods, pay frequency, dismissal clauses.