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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Stay at home Daddy

17 replies

PippaT · 01/11/2011 20:48

My husband looks after our 2.11month old full time. I work full time and have found since returning to work (when she was 9months) our daughter moans and whinges as soon as I walk in through the door. How do I stop this?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LynetteScavo · 01/11/2011 20:52

Why does she moan and whinge? And how long does it last?

redglow · 01/11/2011 20:53

I am a nanny child been fine all day untill mum walks in. However will not be smug because when my own were little they were fine with their dad untill I walked in. Do not know the answer on how to stop this, sorry.

BertieBotts · 01/11/2011 20:55

They all do this Just means she's glad you're home!

I have no idea why the excited adoration is reserved for Dads though :(

Original poster

PippaT · 01/11/2011 21:00

Should I ignore the behaviour? My hubby says she has been great all day, sometimes the whinging can grow into a tantrum where she is then ushered into her bedroom for some time out - but I only get 2 hours with her a day and that can be hard.

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Original poster

PippaT · 01/11/2011 21:01

Sometimes it can go on for the 2hours on and off until she is in bed!

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BertieBotts · 01/11/2011 21:10

I'd ignore it and keep giving her positive attention. It's likely she's massively tired and it's overwhelming that you're home and she's missed you and she wants to tell you all about her day and you're probably tired as well.

The only thing I'd actively deal with is if she's being violent and/or destructive and even then instead of a time out I'd get her to sit down somewhere in the same room until she feels calm, or if this is not an option, restrain her by hugging from behind.

redglow · 01/11/2011 21:13

Yes ignore it and try to remain cheerful, sometimes easier said than done.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 01/11/2011 21:16

What do you do when you arrive home?

Is she very talkative yet - can you have a reasonable conversation with her yet?

How long has this been going on for?

Original poster

PippaT · 01/11/2011 21:21

Give her all of my attention! Play for a litlle while, cook her tea, sit with her, bath her and get her ready for bed, read her a story......This has been going on since I returned to work - she was 8months old.
She is very good at conversations, so we try to reason with her, sometimes it works other not - depends on how tired she is. It did get worse when she dropped her afternoon nap a couple of months ago.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 01/11/2011 21:34

So, she is tired.

Just stay cheerful, and up beat. Ignore the whinging, but not her. I don't think that will stop her whinging, I don't know what will.

What I don know is that it is perfectly normal, and means she knows you love her unconditionally.

BertieBotts · 01/11/2011 21:48

I usually remind DS to talk nicely if he's whinging and ignore until he does, which seems to be helping. But like you say when tiredness kicks in they tend to be un-open to any sort of talk or reason.

DS is very tired in the last couple of hours before bed since he dropped the afternoon nap - in fact we make sure he has dinner by 5 now, otherwise he's too tired to eat it properly and then he seems more whiny, either because his blood sugar is low or because we have been badgering him to eat, who knows. But certainly the early dinner has helped a lot, and then quiet activities for the evening if possible. You can also try tickling to diffuse a situation.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 01/11/2011 22:08

Have you tried being very firm with her?

'Stop that noise - I don't want to play with you/talk to you/read to you while you are whinging & moaning, stop it or go in the other room'.

... said very firmly.

mrsbossyboots · 01/11/2011 22:37

Hi I remember this when picked DS1 up from CM, it was horrible so you have my sympathies. My DH is also now a SAHD; I just sit and cuddle for a few minutes when I get home often with CBeebies on in the background. We watch a bit of TV together, have a quick cuddle and I don't try to talk/ask about their day until they have physically got used to me being at home. It sounds a bit daft but it works for us!

Original poster

PippaT · 01/11/2011 22:51

Thank you for all of your responses. This is the first time I have posted on here and will try your advice, it is all reassuring.

OP posts:

nannynick · 01/11/2011 23:16

Why are you cooking her tea - can't daddy do that, whilst you spend some time with your DD (DD is the Mumsnet Acronym for daughter).

Ignore it. I like MrsBossyBoots suggestion... sit down for a cuddle. Meanwhile DH can get you a cuppa and make DD's tea.

BertieBotts · 02/11/2011 09:25

I think if possible dinner should be over & done with by the time you get home. (I'm guessing you get home at 5/6ish) Also agree about not asking too many questions etc. I normally save the "So did you have fun today with XX?" for bedtime just before stories as he tends to be calmer.

chocolatecrispies · 02/11/2011 14:38

My ds is a bit like this and always has been, in fact he is more forthright and often greets dh with 'no, go away' when he comes back from work. I think he has a difficult time transitioning and so our approach has been for my dh to say 'okay, I'll just wait in the other room until you're ready for me'. This almost always results in ds calling out for him about 5-10 mins later and then they go to bed together. I think it is hard for them when people come and go, and sometimes we also acknowledge that 'sometimes it's hard when daddy comes back and you're having a nice time with mummy'.

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