is this parent asking to much? or am i getting it wrong?

[MaryPoppinsMagic]

I'm a new childminder; I have just taken on a 15 month old little boy, the first few days have been awful, he has screamed the whole time and won't stop unless I walk round cuddling him at all times this is difficult as I have a dd of my own who gets upset by the screaming.

The parent has put some restrictions on me which I'm struggling with a little

• I said I was taking the children to play group and having a coffee with a friend and her children whilst there

the parent said I could go to play group but cannot have a coffee with my friend as she wants me to follow her ds at all times

• the parent gave me a book for a sure start centre and highlighted all the groups, times and days and told me I must go to these groups.

the centre is quite out of my way, and I don't always have enough time to do the school run if I do as she has asked

• I explained to the parent I cannot take the child when ill. This morning he came and had really bad diarrhoea

i called parent to pick him up, when she collected she got quite off with me saying I should still look after him, when I explained again I couldn't do this she seemed really annoyed

• I said this morning (before the poops) that we would be going for a walk to the shop this morning as I had run out of milk and butter

she said I am not to take her son to the shops as she is not happy with me going there with her son

So, am I going wrong here? I spoke to another childminder and she says its very unreasonable the requests she is putting on me, I have a dd of my own aswell and I want to do things that suit both ages, I honestly don't see nipping to the shop as a problem as children like the adventure!

What can I do??? Please help!

I agree with the others that you should cut your losses and end the trial. She clearly has not understood that you set the terms and conditions of your agreement not her.

dial the family are polish, and speak very little english.

Flis I sadly think you may be right

dial the family are polish, and speak very little english.

Flis I sadly think you may be right

I'd terminate but if you are reluctant, I'd do the following:

• invite her to a meeting before the end of trial period and ask that she comes with someone with good English as you can say to her you feel there might be some misunderstandings between you and her.

-go through the contract and the policies with her and give examples for each possible activity. Explain that these are not negotiable. -explain why she was being unreasonable and from there, if she still thinks that she was not out of order, then explain that it is not going to work for you and then terminate. HTH

mpm

She doesnt employ you . She uses your services . I know were your comming from i had this when i first started 6 yrs ago and i look back now and i see that i let parent tell me how to run my buisness i am much stronger as a person and a cm .please think off your family and your self it will stress you out (if you feel like explaing it all to her again then do so ) but i think you need to let her go big time its not fare on your own little one or you good luck chick we are all here for you

This is never going to work out, is it. The mum thinks that she gets to tell you what she wants and that you have to do that, she is totally misunderstanding the difference between being an employer and a service user. Get rid!

As a Self Employed CM, you offer a service and parents decide if that is what they want for their child. She does not seem to understand this.

I'm with the others. Maybe call it a day on this one and store the experience in your memory bank for later business arrangements. If you think it is a simple misunderstanding, talk to her again and explain what you are offering (ie shops, coffee, school run, EYFS, etc) and see if that is what she wants.

Get rid! I did that (after much persuading from others on here) and it was the best thing I did, got so much more relaxed.

I think that she fundamentally does not understand the nature of the services you are offering. Childcare is organised in very different ways in different EU countries (I just attended a seminar about this for work!), so it may be that the childminder concept just does not exist in Poland.

If you want to keep the work, then have a final attempt to explain things to her, definitely with a translator present. However, you have to set firm boundaries and say no to the attending when ill etc.

Having said that, I too would have asked you to follow my 15 month old at a playgroup and would have been a bit put off if you had told me that you were going there to have a coffee with a friend. Maybe she has seen inattentive childminders at groups and is a bit wary?

Oh dear,

Well she turned up this morning, I decided to pick my battles...

She told me I called her to pick the child up to soon and I could of waited a little while, I explained to her once a child has a bout of illness they need to be picked up, due to the risk of infection she shouldn't of even brought him today.

She told me it was teething and not virus, what am I supposed to do??

She then brought up the issue about me going to the shops, she said she is not comfortable with me taking her son to the shops and doesn't want me to do it.

I took all your advice on here and told her that I put her sons safety first and would never put him in a position of danger, I also told her that she cannot tell me what I can and cannot do and that if I need to go to the shops then I will.

I gave an example of what if another parent comes along and tells me their child loves the supermarket and picking things out and helping, do I then tell that parent I won't do it because she doesn't want me going to the shop.

I did say if she wants to control everything then she needs to get a nanny,

She didn't like any of it and I'm pretty sure she isn't going to use me after friday, well we will see!

I wish she would put him to bed earlier, I have just had to rock him to sleep because the poor soul can barely stand for being so worn out

Good for you, well done!!!!!

I can't see any other CMs putting up with her nonsense either, and when she starts working out the cost of a nanny for just one child she'll quickly realise that she doesn't actually have a lot of choice....

wave good bye love.. she wants a slave not a cm.

well done !!! x

well done, it sounds like she wants a nanny for a cm wage. Lets hope she does not get some poor aupair.

i was speaking to another CM friend and she said she wouldn't be standing for any of it.

This afternoon was hell again, he wouldn't eat anything and threw it around my kitchen. screamed screamed and screamed some more whilst i rocked him for an hour and he finally went to sleep.

My DD was pulling this face the whole time she was being ignored

i feel so sad for her!

Then I'd call her and end the trial period today. That's what it's there for - if not for your own sanity, for your DD's!

Mary, you and your dd are worth more than this wack job mother, agree with Flisspaps

op, you wrote "She didn't like any of it and I'm pretty sure she isn't going to use me after friday, well we will see!"

stop thinking the decision is hers to make, you are self employed and choose your own clients

you make the choice to terminate the contract, you dont wait to see if she'll use you after friday....

good luck, deep breath and tell her you have stopped the trial and wont be taking her and her child on any further, you dont need to make an excuse, google the polish word for no and leave it at that

I`m a nanny and I doubt that she would keep a nanny either with her attitude .I agree with ssd terminate now ,just in case she does turn up next week.

you will probably bump into this mother taking her son to the shops and the supermarket and letting him run wild eg. doing all the things she forbade you to do (not that youd let him do the running wild bit!!)

she sounds the sort of woman who employs a childcarer and has vastly overblown and unreasonable expectations of what she thinks she can demand as she is paying you

most mums are delighted to find someone they can trust who looks after their kids well and keeps them safe, and involves them in day to day things which kids enjoy

but a few think a nanny/childminder should be doing all the stuff they wouldnt dream of doing them selves, stuff that is totally ridiculous

I once worked as a nanny to 2 yr old twins, they were lovely kids but a real handful. The mother instructed all their food must be organic and freshly made every day, I really struggled with this as they wouldnt give me a minute to cook from scratch. But as the mother wanted this of course I did it. And did it for months and months. Till one day I was home (I lived in) on a Saturday lunchtime, usually I was out then, but this lunchtime I walked into the kitchen to find the mum microwaving frozen tesco value fishfingers for the kids lunch, I nearly fell on my arse.......

good luck op!

you are se as a cm therefore you are the boss and YOU decide what you do/go/happens

if she wants to be bossy dictate then she needs to find her self a nanny

though tbh she wont be keeping any she hires with that attitude!!!

she sounds like a total nutjob, get rid immediately.you sound like an ideal sort of childminder (my DD's favourite activity is a trip to the suoermarket ) i think you need to stop being so hard on yourself and accept that building a business takes time. keep going to coffee groups (how about going to some more baby focussed ones in the hope you'll meet mums there who are soon going back to work and might be keen to send kids to you?).

iwant I had considered going to a slightly lower age group with my dd so I could try and network with mums etc.

In my own home I am the most confident person ever.. In a group full of people I am so quiet! I think once I give off confidence maybe people will be more drawn to me

ssd your story just made me laugh! Hilarious how parents paint a picture of how they want it all to be isn't it!

bit of an update she said she wanted to come round on friday (yesterday) at 3.30 to collect the toys she had brought for her son, I had already planned to go out to an activity place with a friend but said I will make sure I am back on time for her, time ran away and when I looked at the clock it was 3.25 so I tried to call her and got no answer sent a text saying really sorry I am running late but will be there in 20 minutes

Rang DP as he gets home at about 3.15 to say if she turns up just say I'd tried calling etc etc.

So rushed home and got back just after 3.40, she hadn't turned up so I tried to call her again, no answer she then sent a text saying will call you after 5 (not impressed by this point) I replied saying I have to go out at 5ish (dinner with parents) and heard nothing back.. I decided I would wait around just incase she had been running late from work or something

6pm came and I had heard nothing from her, not a call or a text like she said after 5.. Now 6pm is usually the time I would stop working if I had children so we left with a very grumpy and hungry dd to my parents.

At 7.15 she called me, I said I'm at my parents and that I won't be home till late so can she come tomorrow (saturday) she started to shout at me, saying I work for her and I need to go home now as she is coming to get her sons toys, I kept saying I am not home and in the end told her I am not working untill monday but she can come saturday to get them no problem at all she just kept yelling at me!

What a nut job eh?

omg

she clearly has not got a clue, try and laugh about it, you are miles better without her custom