Settling dc2 with nanny - a few questions.

[chocolatecrispies]

We have a lovely nanny who has cared for dc1 aged 3.4 since he was 2. She works 2.5 days a week. I have been on maternity leave for the last 6 months and we have kept her on as want continuity of care for dc1 and to start dc2 with her when I go back to work next year. I have now been offered some very flexible part time work starting in 6-8 weeks time, it could just be for 1/2 day a week. So I am looking at settling dc2 aged 5 months with the nanny sooner than I had thought. I don't know where to start. She hasn't left me for more than 20 mins since birth, is ebf and hasn't taken a bottle yet :(.
So I still have 2 months before job would start. Do I start gentle settling now, try to get her to take a bottle and leave her with nanny for increasing periods? Or do I delay, on the basis that a 7 month old is v different to a 5 month old? Or should I just turn down job and say it's too soon (don't really want to do this as it is a great opportunity and will be perfect in the longer term). And should I be offering to pay nanny more when she is in charge of 2? Hopefully ds will start preschool in jan so am going to try and organise it so she will only have both of them for a couple of hours at the most. Nanny is paid going rate, we just gave her a 5% increase as she had been working for us a year. Any thoughts would be welcome on how to manage this change. I'm also worried about how dc1 is going to react to dc2 intruding on 'his' nanny- since her birth this has been his main one on one time and he is very attached to the nanny.

I kept my nanny on after DC2 was born, and went back to work when she was 5.5 months old. I got her used to being with the nanny from very early on - 2 months or so - quite a necessity for me actually as DC2 was such a poor sleeper that the only way I could catch up on some sleep was for the nanny to take both DCs out together for an hour or two. By the time I went back to work, DC2 was so comfortable with our nanny, it was absolutely not a problem. I think it's a good idea to start DC2 getting used to your nanny - go out for an occasional walk, have the nanny give her a bath, etc. It's probably easier the earlier you start, as around 6-7 months separation anxiety can start to kick in. If you want to have your DC2 get used to taking a bottle, she might take it more easily from the nanny than from you. Also, the nanny will need to start getting used to settling your DC2 and knowing her routine. I also found it good to have my DC1 get used to having DC2 there with him.

Thanks for response, we just went for a walk all 4 of us and now have left them together in the next room- am also thinking earlier is better in terms of separation anxiety...did you pay more once she was caring for two?

I don't think you need to specifically pay more with 2, but it just so happened that my going back to work coincided more or less with my nanny's one year anniversary with us, so I did give her a raise (and to be honest 2 really are so much more work than 1, especially my 2 as close in age).

I think your right in starting the bonding process now by leaving them for increasing amounts of time whilst you?re still ?on-hand? at home. This way, you can keep the separation anxiety to a minimum when you do return to work and also feel confident that the nanny knows her routine etc. More importantly, you?ll be able to leave for work knowing that she is 100% happy with the nanny.

I would start introducing a bottle now for one feed a day (maybe of expressed milk?) and slowly increase this so that she has lots of time to get used to it.

Maybe you (and the nanny) can make lots of fuss with DC1 about him helping ?his nanny? to ?look after? DC2 so that he feels important and involved rather than pushed out?!

I don?t think that you need to offer a salary increase because you have just given her a raise and you will organise it so she will only have both of them for a couple of hours at the most.

Chelsea :)

Have really been struggling to express milk but know I need to try harder. Two are definitely much harder than one, I know I am completely shattered on the days I have the two of them. Luckily our nanny seems quite keen on having the baby as well - but I don't know when to run and get the baby or whether to leave her if she cries for the nanny to soothe...

Nannies are not paid per child. Would you drop the salary when your eldest goes to school?

Consider what you will be doing longer term - is expressing going to be an option, or will you be using formula milk? Babies do adapt to taking a bottle and mixed feeding (where you give breast and they take bottle from a carer) can work. It doesn't always work though as your milk supply may drop. Just see how it goes. Babies can go on hunger strike at first when introducing a bottle - refusing to take it I find to be quite normal. It can take a while to work out what temperature a particular child wants the milk - some can take it rather hot, whilst others like it cold.

If you find it hard to know what to do with nanny there at the same time as you, then one of you goes out. Your daughter will be fine left for a couple of hours, or even longer. She may go on hunger strike but you can just top up upon your arrival home. How about going xmas shopping without taking any children with you? If nanny really does have a problem, they can always call you and ask you come back again.

excellent advice from nannynick - i'd second everything he said.

Yes thank you! The problem with expressing is finding time between feeds, not the expressing itself,- and I just need to prioritise it...