Nanny dilemma - Which should I choose..

[nannychoice]

I'm really agonising over this problem. I'm starting work in a couple of weeks. Only 2/3 days a week but DC2 will only be 2.5 months old. DP will be working from home the days I am out but I will need a nanny - mostly to look after the baby.

I saw about 5 people and of all of them only one seemed suitable and I offered her the role - as she had sole charge experience with a young baby. However, when I took references although she had young baby experience it was shared care until the babies were about 5/6 months. Her referee said that she would have been happy to leave her babies with the nanny if she had gone back to work sooner but she didn't seem massively convincing when she said it. The nanny has also done a couple of things since then which seem a bit odd to me. Obviously, as DC2 is so young I'm very nervous about who I leave her with.

I have also seen another lovely nanny who has worked for two families before for a very long time - in each case with the children from birth - although her experience with new borns is from quite a long time ago. She is a bit more expensive than the other nanny - and couldn't do extra days if needed. Against that, I'm probably more on her "wavelength"

Both nannies have great written references - and lots of experience - but I just can't help feeling a bit unsettled about the first one. Obviously as DC2 is so little I'm particularly nervous about leaving her - but wonder if that is just clouding my judgement. I am feeling bad though about letting the first nanny down in the current market.

Any advice for me?

Hi Nannychoice,

Have you had her in for a trial yet? If not, would it be possible to ask her to come in ASAP and work alongside you for a couple of days so you can see how you get on? Also, could it be worth speaking to more of her referees and/ or calling the same referee back again?

If you reneg on the offer the nanny will have to start looking for another role- she may be very upset if she's turned down other offers in order to take your position.

How long ago was the offer made? If you do decide not to go ahead with her perhaps you could compensate her a few weeks worth of salary to give her time to find an alternative role.

Rachel
@ KiwiOz Nannies
@ My Nanny Toolkit

What did nanny 1 do that concerned you? also is this your first child as that can make it a lot more daunting leaving them with a nanny (rightly so) .

I would re interview /re check references but your post does seem to indicate nanny 2 (despite limits on her time and cost) may be better. If you still feel this about them after re check then I would offer to nanny 2.

Although I agree with kiwis point about nanny 1 suffering potentially , I don't think you are under any obligation to offer cash - that seems excessive (assuming not at point where she is actually starting employment).

I think it depends how the offer was made- was it an offer subject to suitable references? In which case i think you are ok to take the offer back (altho she may well be upset).

However if it was a written offer, you may well be tied into iving her notice, and pay, but it will depend what is in your contract.

It was a verbal offer, subject to references. I'll follow up the other referees before I make a decision and if I decide to go ahead i'll give her a trial for a day first. What has bothered me is that I am pretty sure that in her initial interview she had said that she'd had sole charge pretty much from birth in her last job - or at least from when the babies were a few weeks old - which turned out not to be the case.

Also, when she came to meet my DP - and to discuss start dates etc - she turned up with a teenager she was (I assume) babysitting for the day. She'd sent me a text earlier saying she was bringing her but I hadn't received it so got a bit of surprise and tbh was a bit put out by it. I suspect lots of people wouldn't have minded but I thought that was a bit odd.

In the end, I am not sure that we are really going to be "on the same page' - in which case it's probably better to tell her now that it's not going to work.

But obviously I don't like letting people down - especially in the current job market - so not a decision to be taken lightly.

Well her references don't check out- sole baby charge key to job and sounds like she hasn't got it. Turning up to an interview (which I assume is effectively what it was as your dp was seeing what he thought) is very odd.

Hi Nannychoice, it really can be an agonising decision to find someone you are comfortable leaving your baby with, especially when they are so young. I agree it may be a good idea to have each of them come in for a trial day - or even just a few hours - to see how you get along and observe them with your baby. Also, speak to the rest of the references - did you ask the referee why nanny 1 left her employment before she went back to work?
I found that sometimes nannies write "sole and shared care" in their CV for jobs where the mum doesn't work and was home but would occasionally leave them alone with the baby/children for a few hours while mum was out. They considered that "sole charge" for a few hours. Not in my book, as I agree with you that it's a different situation when you are out of the house all day and the nanny needs to implement the whole daytime routine on her own. Can you ask nanny 1 for some clarification? Also, if you gave her an offer subject to references, and the references make you uncomfortable about hiring her, then you don't need to pay her anything. An experienced nanny should know to only stop interviewing once the offer is unconditional anyway.

First and foremost i think it's important to follow your mummy instinct. If feel that you connected better with the second nanny, i would definitely choose her.

We had a similar situation with one of our clients earlier this year. They had made a verbal offer to a nanny they had found through childcare.co.uk but weren't happy that they 'connected' with her following a trial day. Its an awkward situation to be in but the offer of employment was subject to you being happy with the references (i.e. that the information she provided was backed up by the references) and it doesn't sound like you are. I also agree that it is questionable that she turned up with another child to meet your dh!!

Hope this helps,
Chelsea :)