Should I stay or should I go?

[NJE]

Hi,

I moved to Belgium in April to work for a family over here. It's a live-in job and I look after a girl who is now nine years old 20 hours a week. It's a fully staffed household with two housekeepers and a chef. My duties are looking after the girl and doing the laundry, meaning washing it and hanging it out to dry. No ironing. Well, that was what we agreed at the beginning. At the moment I find myself doing a lot of light cleaning when the housekeepers are not here, as well as cooking when the chef isn't here. When the housekeepers are away on annual leave (It's a couple) I find myself cleaning the whole house myself and doing the ironing while the mother looks after the child. The same when the mother is here.

I'm the last person who says no to help occasionally with cleaning etc. but I am here to look after a child. At the moment I maybe look 25% of my time after the child, the rest I am the maid for the mother. They have often private concerts and other events here, where I have to help until late in the night. I also have to serve food to the families and clean up afterwards. It was agreed that I eat with the families (Something I don't want to do anyway because the family keeps commenting on my weight, I am not obese but I have a few lbs too much - I like to eat but otherwise I am very active person. This especially makes me feel very uncomfortable around the family.)

The other problem is the child. She is very aggressive and hits, kicks and scratches me when things don't go her way. I tried to be very strict with her but she would call her mothers and her mothers would say that she comes homes soon and she shall not worry. Then the mother comes home with presents for the daughter and doesn't even say a thing. One time the daughter kicked a sofa tables (hard to explain but it's only a few cm up the ground, so when she kicked it against me I hurt my food which was strained and I couldn't walk properly for a while. Not even a sorry from the mother or the daughter. The mother just said in a very nice voice: Don't do it again darling.

I'm sick and tired of families that say something else at the beginning of your employment and then it turns out to be so different. I only have another few months until I move to America and go to university in August but I can't see myself staying here for so long. I have the possibility to move to my parents for a while, but I don't want this. Now I think about looking for a temp job until August or a few jobs until then. Do you think i should go or is it worth talking to them again and stay here?

You are not doing the job you were employed to do. The child assaults you. Why would you consider staying?

At the beginning I said that I would stay at least one year, maybe even two until I go to university (there were very nice to me at the beginning.) I just don't know if it's giving up and a bad thing to do when I leave.

You have other options. Maybe talk to the mother and say it isn't working out and does she want to talk about it and try and resolve things. If not, leave.

Leave. The mother is taking the p*ss. I have had several au pairs and would never allow my ds to get away with that kind of behaviour. Disgusting. You're not giving up - you're not allowing them to treat you as doormat.

Hi NJE, sounds horrible!!! I would leave, not what you agreed too so you shouldn't have to do it. It very much sounds like these people do not live in the real world with housekeeper, chefs and a childcarer, which is probably why the child is able to get away with being so spoilt and horrible!
You would be much happier if you weren't there, its not like you can ever get away from them as you live there too... Life is too short to be unhappy(especially when working for up them selves types!!)
Good luck.

Hi,

thanks for all your replies. I have spoken to the previous girl who worked here and it was just the same. So at least I know it's not just me.

Are you a Nanny or prehaps an Au Pair?
Do you have contract?

Does it stipulate your hours, duties, etc in there?

anewyear I'm a nanny but have aupair conditions here. I do not have a proper contract, however I have a written agreement with the family which regulates hours, duties etc.

I'd leave. It's not 'giving up' when you are not doing what you were employed to do!! It sounds bloody awful!!

Leave. Leave now. I went to France to work, in theory it was a long-term nanny job, they wanted someone consistant for 5+ years. Things went really badly, I found I was treated more as furniture than a person and several other thangs made me so very miserable. I stayed because I thought, well I've agreed to doing something long-term, how can I go. I worried that they had paid for a specialist agency to get me there, that they would be dissapointed if I 'let them down'. I was miserable and lonely for over a year- I put on three stone! I was so alone.

When I quit they barely seemed to even notice! I told mb, she just said oh ok, I did my months notice and even offered to stay a little longer till they found someone. I left there 6 weeks after giving notice, a week before Christmas. They didn't even say goodbye, even a Christmas card or a simple 'have a good Christmas!' or 'thanks for looking after our son' or anything to show they thought anything of me at all would have been more than enough but no.

All I can say is, I was in a bad position abroad and felt I was doing the right thing in staying when really it was the worst one. I'm glad everyday that I'm no longer there! And I didn't have to deal with an aggressive child, my charge was a sweet little thing. I miss him, but certainly not the family or the situation!

That's awful, please leave, you won't get this time back before university. They sound horrible.

You seem to have two positive options

Tell your employer your concerns and ask to return to the original contract
And only stay if things improve

Tell them you are leaving and why

Had various nanny jobs and one bad one lasting 3 months still makes me have nightmares. It's not worth it

Thanks for all your replies. I have already applied for a few jobs over the weekend waiting to get some replies tomorrow. I only need to find a temp job, until the summer when I will be leaving for America anyway. This is why I was thinking, shall I go now or should I stay until the summer. But there is no way I can stay until the summer.