Extra duties for nanny, what is reasonable?

[Knackeredmother]

My ds is sick with many, many hospital admissions. We aren't coping at all, not eating properly, house a state etc.
Thread here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1322320-To-want-our-family-and-friends-to-help-us
This is primary reason we have a nanny. We are very happy with how she cares for the children however we are at the point where unless we get extra help around the house one of us will need to give up work (and thus she will be jobless).
So is it reasonable to ask.....,
She does children's ironing when dd at school and son asleep
Tidy kids rooms
Hang out washing
Empty and fill dishwasher (including any dishes made by us that are there)
Hoover living room floor (this needs doing daily and I find myself doing it at midnight if they have been in all day)
Pick up medications/post letters etc
Cook extra meals to freeze for when we are in hospital

The first 2 are actually already in her contract but don't get done.
As I said we are at the point of one of us leaving work as our life is unmanageable at the moment. The above requests would prevent this.
She is on nearly £10 p.h gross in the midlands. We are never, ever late home and flexible employers (I hope).
So is this reasonable or am I likely to offend?

she forgot to reply to you? [shock[

suppose part of me thinks although your nanny is lazy/not doing her usual 'nanny/nursery' duties what you are actually wanting at the moment is more someone who can look after the house

you prob need a nanny/hk - someone happy to clean/iron/cook extra meals/shop etc

yes some nannies happy to do the above, but many are not

can your cleaner do more hours if she is happy to iron

I posted about her on your other thread.

Considering the situation you are in, I am actually disgusted that she is not doing all of this off her own back. She isn't even doing what's in her contract let alone the things any decent human being would be doing to make your life easier right now.

As for not replying or asking how DS is doing when he's in hospital - someone that cared that little for my children would be out on her ear. End of.

There is nothing on that list that I wouldn't either do if I was a nanny or expect a nanny to do if I employed a nanny - let alone when you are in this situation. I am actually disgusted by her attitude.

I agree with nbee84 I also work three days for one family and manage to do the same as nbee84,as well as the family ironing sorting out deliveries and workmen and organising the childrens social lives and activities.[which apart from the ironing I think most nannies do.

Will scoot off and read other thread in a minute, but I imagine that it isn't the tasks in themselves that upset you, but the fact that the nanny doesn't actually seem to care. Any normal nanny would probably do all of this without waiting to be asked if your child is ill; anyone normal would be waiting at the door to see how your child is.

My nanny does all the things you describe (without waiting to be asked and without us having sick children), and then she does other stuff on top - eg the day before she left for christmas break she cleaned the house top to bottom as a treat for me so that I wouldn't have to do it myself - that's the kind of thing that lovely caring nannies do.

I had one of your type once and it was awful. She was efficient, engaged, and pretty switched on in terms of the kids, but she never empathised, and never cared. It got under my skin and the air felt lighter when she'd gone.

I'd give her the list, tell her you need her to rally round and work her socks off when she is on duty, and that she will need to let you know if she is unwilling to do any of the things on your list.

But TBH you probably need a different nanny to help support you.

I'd second the suggestion on the other thread to think about getting an au pair in. I once hired one to do everything but regular helping out with the kids. they worked 30 hours a week doing the weekly Tesco shop, preparing meals, ironing, dog-walking and so on. That kind of stuff only takes around 15 hours a week, but I had such a 'backlog' (whole 'bedrooms' that had become storage for stuff I didn't have time to deal with) that it took them about 6 weeks for things to get on an even keel' after that the AP used to do spring cleans and similar, and we also got them scheduled in to help out at weekends so that DH and I could every once in a while do random stuff like choose a carpet without having bored children wrapped round our legs. It was a huge extravagance for us, but in your circs I think it could be what you need to help you out for a while.

Update: I've had the chat. I explained how tough things are and said surely she must have noticed. Have given her the list of things that would help and she seemed ok with it. I came home from work to a hovered floor!
She had left a list of shopping she needed (basic provisions) but has gone and bought them herself now.
So a great improvement. However, like everyone said she ought to have been doing these things anyway.
I still find it hard to get past the fact she doesn't reply to messages that ds is in hospital. It seems to signify she just doesn't care, or will only care in work hours!!!
Squiffy, your experience sounds similar and was really good hear, I feel as if I'm over reacting with how I feel. I also don't feel it is something I could bring up with her - makes me sound like a mad over emotional mother !!
There have been other issues which I have let go due to exhaustion but anyway I'll see how things go.

Must add she bought the provisions from the kitty money, obviously! Don't want anyone to think I'm making her pay for things!!

I still find it hard to get past the fact she doesn't reply to messages that ds is in hospital. It seems to signify she just doesn't care, or will only care in work hours!!!

i feel I have to stand up for t he part time nanny on this one

yes will only care in work hours
she has her own life
she is your employee not your friend her life when not working for you must come 1st.

How would you like to to be txt 24/7 about your part time job ....
stop doing it
if you want understand and hug post on here or on facebook. or ring your friends.

longjane

That comes across as very heartless

I'm part time and have my own life and family. I prefer not to go to events that are outside of my working hours (like school plays, ballet recitals etc)

BUT, if one of my charges was in and out of hospital I would be worried and wondering how they are I would feel grateful if my boss found the time to send me a text during a worrying and stressful time for her. How long does it take to read and reply to a text???

In fact my boss does occasionally text me on a weekend - might be because she can't find a shoe (happened this week, turned up in the toy oven ) or to say that charge has just been invited to a birthday tea this week so she's asking me if it's ok to go or if I have plans for that day. I sometimes text her if I've forgotten to add something to the shopping list. Doesn't bother me a bit and I still manage to live my life!

Just reread your post and feel I need to add a few more and a

nbee maybe you and kids and husband dont mind you txting work.
when you could be giving them your 100% attention and I hope you boss does not mind you txting them when you are at work( i know lots of work do mind you txting home and stuff)
but maybe OP nanny family does like her txting work
maybe she has other jobs she has to do that day

A nanny is not your friend or support person she is their employee paid to do x y and z.
Nobody has to do their job 24/7 if you chose to do then it up to you

I'm not choosing to do my job 24/7 - it takes a matter of minutes to read and reply to a text - what's a few minutes once or twice out of 4 days!

I care for the kids that I look after, I can't just switch that off when I am not there. I don't think there'd be many nannies that on hearing that their charge was in hospital would not think or worry about them until they were next at work.

Longjane
I text from hospital to let her know he is ill primarily so that she can plan her working week accordingly I.e with a sick child. Clearly she needs to know in advance so she can cancel things he would not be well enough to do. Or if he is still in hospital on her work days it is useful for her to know if she only then has my dd to look after.
I don't text her looking for sympathy but for the above reasons. However, I do find it odd she doesn't respond. Surely that is a natural compassionate reaction to at least reply 'I hope he's ok' to at least acknowledge the message has been received
I never ever contact her out of work for anything else.
I think you found a bit heartless tbh.

Knackeredmother - and there you have, in type, exactly what we are talking about A loving nanny who cares v a nanny solely in it for the money. You seem to have the latter, you need the former.

You are not over reacting. If I had a nanny I would want one like I was outlining above & more like Nbee and not one like longjane. I want a nanny that cares, I want a nanny that is also my friend, I want a nanny where things are give & take - I don't want a nanny that works to rule 8am to 5pm and doesn't give a flying outside those hours.

Thanks chipping :)

Hi, agree with the above posters really, our nanny does all of this for us, with 2 healthy children. She also texts at the weekend if a child was ill on the Friday.

I think your nanny sounds a bit more like someone from a nursery nurse or au pair background rather than a nanny training background - nothing wrong with that, obviously, but in those circumstances it's a learning curve to become a true nanny, I think, where they understand that it's not just about playing happily with the children but about safeguarding the children's fundamental wellbeing which includes the boring stuff like cleaning the floor so they don't get ill.

Glad you had a chat and things are improving but keep up the explanations and don't accept second best as there are plenty of good nannies out there.

My ex-boss calls me when her children are ill and I want to know.

I would want my boss to call me if my charge were ill a) so I know what to be prepared for the next working day b) give them some advice on how to treat illness (most of my employers are first time mothers and panic a little at bugs/virus etc) c) I care about my charges and want to know if they are not feeling well (and ex-charges, I have giving up days/weekends off to go visit ex-charges in hospital (for minor ops))

I also do alot of the things you would like your nanny to do as my basic duties, I wash, iron and put away all the children's clothing and bedding, I change the beds once a week (more if there is an accident/nose bleed/dirty socks incident!) I hoover and dust their bedrooms and playroom (will hoover the sitting room if that's where they play but don't tend to dust, too many knick knacks that I can break!)

I cook for the children and batch cook for the freezer (I know of a lot of nannies that get pissed off if bosses use the frozen meals at the weekend but I feel that they pay for the food and are paying for my time when I cook, why the hell shouldn't they?? One of my DB used to use some for himself if MB was away! I do get a little wound up if they use them all and don't mention it, not that that evers happens because there are always loads of meals in there!)

I do the food shopping, either just for the children or for the family, which ever they require, I take the children, I bring it home and put it away, or I add my ingredients to the families Ocado (NB other suppliers are available!) and when it is delivered, I will put it away. I will pick up odd bits if we are running out and I am passing the shop, I will do occasional errands for my bosses, dropping/collecting dry cleaning, collecting parcels from PO depot, posting letters, one boss always liked fresh flowers on a Friday and she had them delivered at the cost of £15, we went swimning near the flower shop and so we would pick them up on our way home.

I empty the bin if it is full, take the recycling if it is full, empty/load the dishwasher, sweep and mop the kitchen floor as and when needed. These things are not in my contract and if they don't get done by me by Friday (busy week or whatever) I would expect my bosses to do it over the weekend, I will not be taken advantage of and expect give and take, if they want me to work to contract then I will!!!

Being a nanny and working in a family home is all about being flexible and helping out when needed, hopefully if you (nanny) are flexible, then the family will respect, appreciate and be flexible in return!

Sorry it,s a bit of a novel!!

Longjane: you're not actually MY nanny are you?!!

so you txt your nanny to tell her your child is sick !
but then you moan that she is not doing the cleaning! which you are not doing cos your child is sick.
what do you want
and childcare
or cleaner
if the cleaning is more in important to you than childcare then you need to get your cleaner in more offen.
and why cant your dh clean is that important to you.
At the moment you nanny is coping with a sick child and unsick child (who might be worried about her brother) and unwalked dog and expect to do the cleaning as well.

Mmmm, well I don't expect her to do the cleaning, but the jobs I outlined in my op. My dh works full time. I don't expect her to walk the dog, he sleeps upstairs out of the way most of the day. If my son is very sick he is with me, she rarely looks after a sick child. However, she dies arrange play dates etc with other nannies therefore needs to cancel these herself as I do not know what her plans are.
I really feel we are very considerate employers.
I'm really not sure why I'm defending myself to you.

I've had a parent I babysit for on occasion (not even very regularly) text me to tell me their son was in hospital. I texted back when I got a free moment to ask how he was and if there was anything I could do to help.
It's just being friendly isn't it? Sure if your boss called you constantly on your days off then that would be different, but a text to say a child is in hospital is useful to know and could responded to at anytime in the next day or so (most of us would probably respond faster).

Knackeredmother - would I be right in thinking that your nanny knew that your son was having a fairly high hospital visit rate when they took the job? Or is that something that has occurred after your nanny started?

Nick, yes she knew when she took the job that was the reason we were employing a nanny. We rarely if ever ask her to look after him when he is sick (we take time off work between us) and wouldn't dream of asking her to have him when he is very sick. Our main aim was to keep him away from nursery and all the germs there.

right so does look after a sick child cos you are with him
so does you do while you are there
surely you can give a list of jobs you want her to do if you dont want her for childcare.

I still think you want a housekeeper/cleaner than a nanny

Knackered please don't waste anymore time defending yourself - there is absolutely no need. Re-read Callairds post, does it look like you are being unreasonable - NO, does it look like LJ is? YES.

There are nannies and there are nannies. You have one kind, when actually you (and pretty much) pretty much everyone else, need the other kind. I would be replacing your nanny without hesitation.