Nanny bringing baby to work - pros/cons

[mellymell]

My nanny is pregnant which is wonderful but we are starting to have the conversation about what happens after the arrival of her babe. What are people's views about nannies bringing their babies to work - pros/cons.

I never had a nanny with her own child, but I would be concerned that she would be more focused on her own baby than on mine (which as a mother would be normal), whereas I am paying her to be 100% focused on my children. Also, what would happen if her baby is sick - surely you wouldn't want her coming to work with the sick baby, but then if she stays home to look after hers, what do you do about childcare? Or does she have a partner/relatives who could look after her child so she can still come to work? Also, how many children do you have? It could possibly work if you only have one, but if you have 2 or more the workload for the nanny would be very difficult. On the plus side, I understand some nannies will take a salary cut to bring their own child to work, as then it's like a nanny-share arrangement, between your child and theirs - so can work if you are looking to save on childcare costs.

In response to pinkpeony, I'd just say that as a CM with my own young children, I actually find I put my children last!

The sickness thing is definitely something to discuss but needn't be a deal breaker.

Pinkpeony would echo what you said- you wil have someone on here who will say thy didn't take a pay cut but IMHO that is a big pro to arrangement as you are not paying for same service as nanny without kids.

The thing about cm is that they have taken decision to welcome kids into their own home and as I understand it follow guidelines to make sure all kids looked after (whether their own or others) so I think cm an arrangement that is preferable in some ways as you go knowing that other children are there and that will be arrangements to cover that.

I'm going to feel mean saying this, but I wouldn't have another nanny with her own child after our last experience. Nothing really awful, just lots of niggles that made life pretty stressful periodically. Her DD was ill from time to time - nothing major, just normal childhood snuffles and viruses. Nanny refused to come to work on a number of occasions because of this, despite us being happy for her to bring her DD with her (because it was never anything serious) and just have quiet days - so I ended up either taking time off or running around dropping my DC at her house (quite far away) and then picking them up etc. When my DC are ill, I am happy to take time off work, as I generally want to be with them - I wasn't at all happy at taking time off because someone else's DC was ill. And she was only part-time, but the sickness always seemed to fall on work days - sod's law, I suppose.

Also, it niggled that she had no contingency in place for her DD being ill - I would have expected her DP to take time off, or her MIL who was willing to help out. But nanny wasn't willing to leave her DD with anyone else - and this is not when DD was tiny, she was over 1yo when nanny started with us. She also claimed that her DP couldn't take time off work for that sort of thing - but she clearly expected me or my DH to do so. She also claimed that her DP couldn't look after their DD, as she was only used to being looked after by her. This used to drive me insane - he's her dad, perfectly capable of looking after her well! or would be if hadn't been totally emasculated.

The care she gave my DC was v good, but there was always an awful lot in the nanny diary about her DD - natural from a proud mother, but I was, inevitably, more interested in what my DC had been doing and would have preferred to hear more about them.

Am sure I sound like a cow, but it was really quite difficult at times, and as there are so many quality nannies out there who don't have their own DC, I would choose one of those in future.

This sounds horrible, but I think this should lead to a pay cut, since the care will be shared. Tiny babies can be massively demanding and the nanny will be sleep-deprived.

I had a part-time nanny job when ds was 12 months old until he was about 3 1/2.

The mother thought me bringing my ds was an advantage as it gave her ds a playmate and reduced the rate she had to pay for childcare.

Luckily, my ds is as fit and healthy as I am and I never had to take a day off work due to either of us being ill.

An employee needing to take time off to care for their sick child will be an issue whether they bring the child to work usually or not.

I disagree that a nanny will always put her child first - often her child will be last! Most of the time the child with the greatest need will come first.

What will you do when she is on ML?

Does she want to come back?

Does she want to bring the baby?

Would it be every day or will her partner/parent/mil/whatever have the baby for any of the time?

Is she prepared to come back for the hours you need?

You'll need to agree on what happens when any of the children are ill.

You don't have to let her bring the baby back with her - if you do, it will be a new contract when she comes back & you can have a trial period and even if you don't the 1 year thing will still apply anyway.

How many kids do you have?

How old are they?

You need to consider things like baby/toddler groups, swimming, etc What would she want to take her baby to - would yours get anything out of it or would they be bored? Are there things that yours & hers would both be able to go to?

A friend of mine has a 9yo and a 6yo - their nanny has been with them since the eldest was a baby. The nanny has a 3 year old boy - he's like their little brother. They are all really sad as now the nanny is pregnant again they have decided it's not going to work anymore :( but until now it has been brilliant.

Another friend has a 4yo girl and a 10 month old baby, the nanny has a 2 year old girl and it's all been good so far, but the nanny is pregnant again and they have decided that wont work anymore either, which they are all a bit sad about, but this has also worked really well for 3 years.

It's a minefield but if she's a great nanny it's one worth walking through.

I have to say if I were in a job I wouldn't take a paycut but I'd forego pay rises IYSWIM. If I were looking for a new job I'd undercut myself.

Depends on the situation and parents views. Perhaps some advantages might be that a toddler parent may think it great that they can get used to having little one around and learning to share time if they are planning another. Older ones can get loads of personal development e.g. empathy, responsbility by sometimes helping look after and care for a vulnerable baby. Parents of babies may like that they can learn to share, have regular social contact with peers earlier with one consistent carer mangaing the interactions and routine. Some love the 'sibling' feel to the relationship. Depends if full or part time etc.
If in same job I and you want nanny back then I wouldn't suggest reducing salary. Maybe hold off on payrise for a while though. If hiring someone new though (with child) negotiating a slightly lower salary seems fair.

our nanny returned to work with her dc after mat leave. we didnt really want her to but she wasnt prepared to leave him and we love her and didnt want to lose her. it isnt perfect, there are some compromises all round. ideally i'd not want her to bring him but we would def rather still have her and the continuity it provides for our dd s than lose her. it depends how long you have had her for, how flexible you are both prepared to be, i'd say.

Thanks for all your comments - very useful.

Nanny has been with us approx. 3 years and my kids are 4 and 2. We love her to bits, but am concerned about the illness thing and also, if you remember yourselves, the 'crying time' of day between 4 and 6, which is when I'd be trying to calm things down towards the end of the day.

My DH is suggesting that we might consider the possibility once the child is approx 1 yrs but am not sure she'd wait that long before coming back. Trouble is, her DH works full time and don't believe she has any further back-up, so if her baby is ill, then she's going to be the one going absent.

Agh - don't want to lose her, but at the same time, must do what's right for the kids.

OP, in your case you will also want to think about the practicalities. Your nanny will have three under-fives, how does she get around at the moment? If she is driving, will her/your car take three car seats? Do you still have stairgates, high chair etc? Are you prepared for all that to be in your house for a couple of extra years when you don't need it yourself?

Some interesting opinions here, just thought I'd post to point out that if you take your nanny back after ML with or without her baby, it is not a new contract, any trial period cannot reduce her notice period below the statutory minimum and the '1 year clock' for employment rights is not reset, so if things were not working out you would have to tread very carefully to ensure that any dismissal is not unfair.

I took Ds to work with me when he was 11mths old. My charges were 13mths and 4. It worked well in regards to the 2 younger children being similar ages so were in the same routine and enjoyed the same activties, food etc. I borrowed the families travel cot for DS and provided a double buggy that fitted in my car. The family had a spare highchair and also provided a big double buggy that was all terrain as they lived in the country. ( Borrowed from a relative. ) It worked well for us and we still see the family regularly. When it came down to illness we agreed I would bring Ds to work if he was poorly ie. coughs/colds/minor illness and my Dp would take care of him if he had D&V or something majorly contagious. I would look after their children if they were ill but in reality my MB would often take the day off if the kids were really sick. I only took two sick days which was when I ended up in hospital after a MC so not Ds related. My DS has had far more illness now he's in nursery than when I was working.

Has your nanny said how long she is planning on taking off for maternity leave? I left my full time job when I was 36wks with Ds as travelled a lot in the job, worked weekends etc which wouldn't have worked with my own. I was very honest with MB from the beginning which gave her plenty of time to find my replacement. I'm glad I had planned/budgeted for a good amount of time off as Ds was hellishly clingy a little time consuming as a young baby and didn't sleep well til he was about 9mths. I would either have struggled taking him to work earlier or it would have slapped me into shape, made me sort out his routine and actually made things easier. I was a fab baby nanny but a pretty crap Mother!

As for pay, I probably wouldn't have taken a pay cut in my old job but wouldn't have expected an annual pay rise. In my new job they were offering X-Y and offered me Y due to my experience but I wouldn't have looked at the job had I not had children due to it only being 30hrs a week.

Imo, you need to have a good, frank chat with your nanny before you agree to anything and make sure you're happy with any compromising that you might have to do. A good nanny should be able to keep everyone happy, still do all her duties and give plenty of love and attention to all the children.

I went back to one of my part time jobs when dd was 6 weeks old. should have been 8 but she was 2 weeks late. I had 4 year old twins and a 6 year old to look after. It was only 2 days a week. I had been in the job since the twins were 10mths they only need a nanny for 1 more year until they were in school full time. It worked really well. I worked 8.15- 5.15 which included a 15min handover at each end of the day. As my dd got bigger I got to work early to give her solids before the school/nursery run. In the evening I never fed there children never had but I used to feed dd so she wasn't screaming while I was talking to my boss. They enjoyed having a girl around she enjoyed the boy putting on a show for her.
My boss still sits for me sometimes dd is now 10

Well i think there are a lot of unfair people out there! I am an x nanny I haven't worked since i had my two dd's as i haven't needed to, but i worked with two different familys prior to having dd no 1. One for 2 days a week and one for 3 days a week. Both my family's would have welcomed me back with baby, and i have to say i obviously worked for lovely people. Both families went on to have nannys step in my shoes and it was awful, the children didn't like having a new nanny and didn't take to her well at all. I think the change was horrible for them, and to have me back plus a baby they would have given anything for. (i ended up filling in with both families for a while)You say you have to think of your own childrens needs, but what would they rather? I bet they would love having a baby around. And lets face it babies up to 18months are easy. Even if your child had to wait for something for 5 mins longer than normal is that such an awful thing? I think it would teach them alot. In my experience as a mummy whenever i have had to look after anyone elses child i always put them before my children anyway. Maybe you think its such a bad thing as you don't have the same mindset as someone who has always looked after children. As a mummy i would be more than happy to have a nanny with child. They know how to look after your child as any parent does, and they know what they are doing. Ubove all they get how precious your child is to you, and no one can understand this until they are a parent. If my children took a back seat for 5 mins a day then i think thats a good thing. It shows them that somethings have to come first and it can't always be them. I don't for one min think it would be for more than 5 mins a day either. As for all these issues of equiptment like highchairs etc, its a bit extreme to think you would have to have all these things perminately in your house, I'm sure she could come with a travel cot and a booster seat and take it away with her. As for sickness, quiet rightly so someone pointed out unless its something like d & v i think you could still come to work, and how often does that happen? My dd is 6 and had it twice in her life. I think if you want it to be a problem you can nit pick and make it so, most "nice" people wouldn't find it a problem, its just a bit different but as long as your children are well looked after what does it matter?

Evening,
I would say that if your nanny is keen to return after having her baby, you should certainly give it a go. Presumably she has a bond with your DC's, knows your home and their routine; a baby could be an added bonus.

We have had two nannies who've brought their babies to work with them - we love it! the first 'nanny plus 1' just happened; the second, we actively looked for!

First nanny had a 5 month old when she started, 3 years old when she left (to have second DC).. Our second nanny's DC was around 10 months when she started with us.

Both nannies were/are part time - before and after school, around 25 hours a week. It works superbly - possibly because my DC's are junior school aged, but I don't know.

Pros (as I see them) :

• my DCs love having a little one around and are much calmer
• nanny appreciates position where she can bring her DC
• i think having a DC of nanny's own gives an extra perspective (my own opinion of course)

Cons (as I see them):

• Now have a stairgate and a high chair again!
• would possibly have to consider if nanny's DC was sick but made this question very clear at interview and nanny has own family support if needed - plus we are quite laid back on what consistutes 'sick' and only really a vomiting bug would be a prob
• possibly will reach a natural conclusion when/if nanny has DC number 2, and when nanny's DC1 is old enough to go to infants - but that's 3yrs + off and anything could change by then.

All in all, we love have a little one to say hi and bye to; our DCs love having a little visitor, and we all appreciate the added dimension. I can't say it would work with Nanny + 2, but + 1 is certainly the best option for us.

Good luck - I'd be interested to know how you get on.

Didn't see your post Sassybo - I quite agree with all you've said!
My two DCs really learn from 'having' to be gentle / calm / wait for a smaller child. I love it and it works for them.