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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Staying in touch with former nanny/ former charges

14 replies

lobsters · 16/10/2011 20:46

How much do you stay in touch with your former nanny or former charges? DD is starting nursery and our nanny has a new job, it has all ended very amicably. I'm just wondering what is normal for staying in touch? We've had Sunday lunch once and DD ended up staying with her for the afternoon which they both loved. DD and the nanny are missing each other a bit. We will use her for baby sitting, but I'm not sure what else is appropriate. I don't want to look like I'm taking advantage of her for free childcare, but at the same time don't want to look like I'm stopping them staying in touch. The nanny was clearly very pleased when she and DD had sometime together without us, so all meeting up together might not be the best.

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callaird · 17/10/2011 16:54

I try to see my ex-charges (nearly 4, left in June) at least once every 4 to 6 weeks. If I arrange to see them then I don't get paid but if they ask me to babysit/have them for the weekend/cover for their nanny (day off/doctor/dentist) they will pay me. In the last month I have seen them 3 times, I arranged one and they asked me to cover twice.

BUT......I am not working full time at the moment so I have free time to see them, if I was working full time (50-60+ hours a week) I wouldn't see them as much (as much as I love them dearly, I love my lie-ins too!) Their parents call/text me a few times a month to let me know how they are or if the children ask them to ask me something and I text occasionally to see how they all are.

I miss them lots but also try to be mindful that they have a new nanny and that I don't want to confuse them too much. But I don't want them to forget about me (had them Friday lunch time until Saturday night as parents were in London and the eldest spent most of the time calling me by the new nanny name! Feel slightly better that new nanny text me this morning moaning that he called her by my name all morning! Was very light hearted moaning and she is lovely)

mogs0 · 17/10/2011 17:14

I've been thinking about this recently.

I was a nanny for a family for 4 years and left to have my ds. My youngest charge was 5 months when I started then they had another baby 2 years later. I was extremely close to my charges and their parents but it's now more than 9 years since I left.

I rarely see or hear from them anymore and had decided to stop sending birthday/Christmas cards this year which felt a bit sad.

Then, out of the blue, I got a phone call from mb on the weekend and it was so lovely to hear from her and to hear how the girls are getting on. Now I feel awful that I didn't get in touch on their birthdays but will make an effort to write to them at Christmas.

There are other families who I have childminded for, since ds was born, who we still see regularly but that it largely down to my ds. All my mindees adore him (much more than they like me ) and one ex-mindee put my ds on his family tree as his brother at school and left off his 2 sisters! He has now accepted that my ds isn't actually his brother but has asked that he could be his real cousin.

There are quite a few who I saw a couple of times after finishing with them but contact stopped fairly quickly.

I think a combination of both seeing your dd on her own and seeing you all as a family would be great. I often had my girls over (and their sister who was born just after my ds) to stay when I was still living near them and sometimes worked for them at weekends. It was also really nice being invited over for lunch occasionally.

Sorry for rambling but I have lots to say on this subject!

eurycantha · 17/10/2011 20:30

I have kept in touch with all my previous charges whether bsitting or simply going out to dinner and to see films.I see all of them at Christmas and they actually all get me a present .Ive recently went to Sandhurst for the passing out of one of them.We do get very close to the children we look after which seems only right when we may have them from 7 til 7 five days a week.If you feel that your nanny wants to keep in touch with you and you dont mind that seems fine to me I`ve looked after children who have a new nanny and are still happy to see me as one of their friends. I am Godmother to the sister of one of my ex charges and to the daughter of another charge.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/10/2011 22:28

its nice to stay in touch and just spoken to my 1st charge on fb who was a mere 4mths and now just had her 21st 'gulps'

as with callaird, its nice to stay in touch, and if they want me to bs then they pay me, but if i want to pop in then dont iyswim

singinggirl · 17/10/2011 22:38

My Grannie was a nanny in the thirties - she kept in touch with the mother of her last charges til she died. Tales of them were the same as tales of our family for me and my brothers, and photos of her charges are still in the photo albums I have inherited,

nannyl · 18/10/2011 17:03

im in touch with all my long term jobs

my oldest charge is now 19 and at uni.... i got a lovely text from him the other day with him telling me he'd been flicking through old photos of the good old days when i was his nanny and we were all on holiday nearly made me

i have moved a long way away now, but will be visiting them and ex mb / db when im back home next weel

NannyNat · 19/10/2011 20:46

I think its really important to stay in touch with you're ex-charges. although i am only on my first nannying job and therefore haven't had this situation with a charge, i am still really close to MY nanny from when i was little, she looked after me from when i was 2 weeks old and both of my sisters.
It has been really important for me to keep in touch with her as she is now a huge part of my life :) she is my 'other-mummy' and is constantly giving me advice on how to be a good nanny.

I think to lose touch with the kids that you have helped to bring up is sad as they can become a huge part of your life without you even realising :)

NannyTreeChelsea · 21/10/2011 07:26

In many cases it's a sad time for the nanny and the charges when they go off to nursery or school. I personally talk to a few of my former charges once a month(ish) and send them birthday/xmas cards etc. In return they send me cards, postcards and pictures they've made me. It's nice to know they still think of me (and that the parents take the time to organise sending them).

I think it would be a good idea to chat to your ex-nanny... say "I don't want to take advantage of you for free childcare, but at the same time i want to make it easy for you to stay in touch if that's what you want?"

If you get things out in the open, maybe the nanny can take the steps to see your DD at times that fit in around her new job - play dates in half term (with her new charges), saturday trips to the park, the occasional sunday lunch, etc?

HTH x

TheOriginalFAB · 21/10/2011 07:47

I am only still in touch with 2 families that I nannied for and left them (actually I was made redundant) 14 and 11 years ago. I can't believe it is that long ago. I looked up 2 children I au paired/nannied for on facebook and they are lovely young women.

I miss having regular contact with the famillies but I have 3 children of my own now and time moves on and gets busy.

StillSquiffy · 21/10/2011 17:32

I find facebook a godsend for this - I'm in touch with most of our old au pairs - the first AP we had is expecting her first child in March. They usually come and visit at least once a year and the kids love it. When my nanny left she started a part time job locally, so we kept her on for one morning a week - just a few hours a week so that the link wasn't completely broken.

Why not set up a regular 'babysit' evening with an early start, maybe once a fortnight or once a month? That way she can keep in touch with your DD and you have a 'proper' reason to pay her.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 21/10/2011 17:34

I keep in touch with one mum. One of her charges is my god daughter (what a fab nanny I was!) but haven't seen the girl since DD's christening 3 years ago. Haven't seen her brothers and sister for about 8 years.

CurrySpice · 21/10/2011 17:35

I am still very close friends with my ex nanny and she sees the kids at least once a week (in fact she looked after DD2 today on an inset day - bit pointless as I stayed an hour chatting when I dropped her off!)

I am very close to her kids too. Taking her DD1 swimming as a birthday treat in a few weeks.

I count her as one of my dearest and closest friends and my DDs adore her and I'm so glad I found her :)

If you're reading this BRB, we all love you! :o

ChitChattingWithKids · 22/10/2011 00:48

I think it also depends on how well YOU know the nanny as well. Our nanny was only with us for 1 year, but most of that was live in. DS2 was only a few months old, but she had known him from newborn as she had done a bit of occasional care before hand. So we see her occasionally, and keep in contact by txt to see how things are going.

Original poster

lobsters · 23/10/2011 19:24

Thanks for all the advice. The former nanny has asked if she can have DD for lunch one day in November. She's no longer a nanny so no scope for playdates, but it looks like staying in touch should work

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