Live out to live in

[Gangle]

I have a great nanny for DSs, 1 and 3, who lives out and is paid £500 net per week for working 8am to 6.30pm Monday to Friday. As I say, she is great apart from one problem - she is always late, sometimes by up to 45 minutes or an hour. She is supposed to start at 8 but usually turns up at 8.30 or 8.45. The other day she turned up at 9, only texting me 15 minutes before to say she was late. There was also a day in August when she went missing and didn't show up at work or get in touch to tell me what was happening until 3pm! I was in pieces. I am not, however, in a position to do much about it as 1) the children LOVE her and 2) in June I found out that DH had been having an affair and he has now left me/us for this woman so I'd in the midst of a pretty messy separation and just cannot face any more upheaval. The nanny has also been an amazing support through this difficult time. However, her lateness is making my life pretty difficult as I am late into work which makes me really stressed so, when she turned up an hour late the other day, I mentioned that I may need to get an au pair as, as a single mother working full time, I need to be able to leave the house on time and it would be great to have someone else around to help with getting them dressed etc, and for free babysitting. We then got onto the nanny possibly moving in instead and both agreed that that could work quite well. We then started talking about money and agreed that her net salary would be £400 per week net but I said that I wanted one night of babysitting included with that but she is refusing and wants £400 net with no babysitting! I've researched it and £350 net per week seems to be the average salary for an in-house nanny so I thought £400 net per week for a 5 day week and one evening of babysitting (including putting them to bed) was about right. Am I wrong on this or being unfair??

If you have researched local rates and feel that the rate you are offering for live-in is on the generous side, then stick with that rate. However, one evening of babysitting is worth what? £20-£30? Is it the money though, or is it that she does not want to do any babysitting at all? You could include putting children to bed within the normal duties, depending on their finish time.

I am wondering if being live-in would actually make much difference to the late arrival? Why are they turning up late... over sleeping perhaps? If so, they could oversleep at your house just as easily - though you might send the children up to their room to hammer on the door

Could you live with this person in your home all day, every day?

Is this the same nanny who back in January you were concerned was eating too much at your home? Is it the same nanny who you thought was a smoker?

If so did those issues get resolved? Could they become a problem if she was to move in to your home, live with you 24/7?

Hi NannyNick. From my research rates for FT live in nannies in London start at £350 per week so with no babysitting at all £400 is very generous! One evening babysitting is worth £40-50 but it's also very convenient and she's pretty much the only one who can get them to bed, I wouldn't ask or expect other sitters to do that. I think I could live with her (she has been on holiday with me and the kids twice before), especially at the moment when I am going through a very difficult time and it's just nice knowing that someone else is in the house. She is also very independent so I won't need to worry about entertaining her etc, I think we would both just keep ourselves to ourselves. It would only be for a short time anyway as she is leaving us next spring to get married. However, part of the appeal of a live in was getting a free babysitter but if she's unwilling on that front then I may be better keeping her as live out and getting an au pair if only just for babysitting twice a week. What do you think?

Yes, I found out that she is a smoker (social I think, she was seen!) Food isn't an issue at the moment although it could become one if I am responsible for supplying all meals. Mmmm.

Blimey. Sounds like your nanny needs a reality check. Live in for a qualified nanny in London starts at c.£300 net depending on experience and qualifications, and includes 1-2 nights babysitting a week. The average rate is £350 net and that includes 2 nights babysitting Mond-Thurs. Generally, live in nannies work up to 12 hours a day. Our ace nanny works 7.30am to 7.30pm - generally i'm home from work at 7.10pm and I don't leave until 7.50am but I need some flex. In your shoes, I'd say you should make her the offer and tell her to have a think about it and do her research. She'll find you're offering a great deal, especially if her hours don't change much. I'd personally go for 2 nights babysitting which you won't always use (we hardly ever do and when we do it is to work late...ho hum!) but better to under use than over use.

Thinking of you - bet it feels like you're in the eye of the storm at the moment with everything going on. Impress upon her that as a single mother, you need back-up and support and you absolutely cannot afford to lose your job by turning up late to work because of her.

In my experience, live-in works well if you both respect one another's space. We get on v well indeed with our nanny who is part of the family and we encourage her to use the house as her own home. That said, she often potters off to her room to watch TV/read etc. of an evening so we don't get in one another's way.

Good luck. Don't be held to ransom and remember there are lots of ace nannies out there if it doesn't work out who will jump at the chance and who, i'm sure, the children will learn to love.

Loopeylu - sorry to stalk you, but have asked you a question over on my other thread which you kindly responded to before... can you take a peek? It's the live in nannies in London one...

Sorry to hijack OP.