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Original poster

Dilemma: verbally offered nanny position to one person; now met far more suitable candidate

52 replies

PacificDogwood · 04/10/2011 21:41

This is the first time we have interviewed for a nanny.

Met 8 candidates, our first choice then pulled out and position was offered to second choice first reserve.

I was no longer actively looking for further possible candidates, but have been unable to pull my Gumtree ad (don't ask; Gumtree will not talk to my computer apparently), so had a late reply who lives around the corner from us, well qualified for the job, nice, sounds reliable (I've not had time to check references yet).

The person I have offered the job to has been slow in providing references, seems oddly hesitant about the job and I just find myself not 'gelling' with her.

How big a complete cow would I be if I withdrew the joboffer from Nanny1 and offered it to Nanny2? Jobstart is the 1.11.2011.

Please be brutally honest.

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nannynick · 04/10/2011 23:09

She would be needing to give notice to the current mindees' - has she told you about giving notice to them?

I would suspect that making the decision to change from being a childminder (being their own boss) to being a nanny (being an employee) is quite hard for them to make. So maybe she is having doubts. With luck your phone call tomorrow will help clarify the current position.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/10/2011 00:03

sounds unreliable so i would go with new nanny and offer her the job AFTER you have checked out her ref

and no, not a cow - shit happens and tbh sounds like she has cold feet/doesnt want the job etc - i also think she would find it hard to be a nanny therefore employed and answerable to you after being a cm and her own boss as well

plus she has no current ref for 8 years - hmmmmmmmmmmm - avoid!!!!

sunnydelight · 05/10/2011 00:28

Of course you can't demand that her references come from the parents of her mindees, but you can ask for RECENT, relevant references. It is then up to her to work out how to provide these in order to take up the job - most job offers are "subject to reference".

I really wouldn't get too hung up on the legalities of the verbal offer, a contract in English law needs consideration to make it binding; offer and acceptance is not enough. Also, you can only recover actual loss - it would be very hard for her to prove actual loss if she is still childminding. She would have to prove that she had given notice to all her minded children as a direct result of your conversation (which would be difficult enough as nobody in their right mind would do that without having signed a proper contract) AND all of them left AND she advertised extensively for replacements AND couldn't get anyone......... you get the idea!

giraffesCantChaChaCha · 05/10/2011 00:44

As a nanny I would be upset but she doesn't sound particularly keen. What are her reasons for wanting to go from nannying to cming? Agree with above comments about it being a big change in terms of you being in charge. Phone her and speak to her. Then decide - or report back and we will help! You have a busy job and a busy family, you need someone reliable!

ElizabethDarcy · 05/10/2011 07:36

Surely, even when you offered her the job verbally, you said 'depending on references'? I'd base you and DH changing your mind on the fact you have had no refs.

I would go with the nanny you like... your gut feel. Nanny 1 doesn't seem that eager for the job.

(speaking as a cm).

StillSquiffy · 05/10/2011 08:10

I'd say to her that you really need more recent references and that if she is unhappy at asking her current mindees then could she please ask her previous mindees, as she must have had some turnover over the last few years. See what she says.

I'd definitely do all of this by telephone because you will learn a lot from her responses/hesitancy. I would tell her that you need some information before the end of the week or you will have to withdraw your offer.

Original poster
PacificDogwood · 05/10/2011 21:21

Just a quick update: I have phoned Nanny1 tonight @7pm as she had previously asked me not to phone her during the day while her mindees are present, no answer, left a message asking for her to call back after 8pm. So far, she hasn't.
I have just looked up her last e-mail to which I replied within 24 hrs of receiving it and have had not answer.

I am about to e-maill her again, will use the phrase 'mixed messages' and set a deadline of the end of the week to hear from her, otherwise we will 'reconsider our options'. Does that sound reasonable?

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 05/10/2011 21:29

It sounds like a threat tbh.

Original poster
PacificDogwood · 05/10/2011 21:34

It does, doesn't it?
Gah, I think I won't sent anything tonight, I am too drunk tired to think straight.

I've phoned.
I've left a message.
I'll just wait for her to get back to us.
Maybe she is away?

OP posts:
StillSquiffy · 05/10/2011 21:34

I'd put in a line that you are very concerned that you are not hearing from her in a timely manner and that you can only assume that she is having second thoughts on the role. If this is not the case can she telephone you immediately; otherwise if you don't hear from her by Friday you will have to assume that she is no longer interested in the role.

Original poster
PacificDogwood · 05/10/2011 21:35

Thanks, Squiffy, x-posted with you.

OP posts:
BranchingOut · 05/10/2011 21:36

I am a bit amazed that you offered her the job given that she didn't turn up for the interview.

She doesn't sound reluctant so much as horizontal. For what it's worth, I don't think all this chasing is setting the right tone for an employer-nanny relationship. I think that you should reconsider your offer anyway, regardless of nanny 2.

Original poster
PacificDogwood · 05/10/2011 21:38

She ticked lots of boxes, BranchingOut, but yes, I have been kicking myself a bit.

OP posts:
giraffesCantChaChaCha · 05/10/2011 22:43

hmm she doesn't sound that interested.

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 05/10/2011 22:48

Well if you took her on then it wasn't working out people would be telling you to get rid, and how within the first year you can do that without consequcne.
So this is the same, surely?

ChippingIn · 05/10/2011 22:50

I would send her an email saying that as you have not heard from her regarding her references etc you will not be requiring her services.

It is going to be a nightmare if you employ her - don't do it.

TheOriginalFAB · 06/10/2011 14:13

Just to say I was half an hour late for a nanny job interview as I got on the wrong train and didn't have a mobile. I arrived at the house as the next person should have been arriving. I was seen, she didn't show and I was offered the job there and then. I apologised and the mother could see I was genuine about getting on the wrong train and it turned out fine. To just not turn up and not phone/mention it, is just bad manners in any situation.

Dozer · 07/10/2011 21:04

Think would be best to withdraw the job offer, sounds like your second choice is not a good choice, for many reasons. Even if the other nanny doesn't work out, it doesn't sound good with the other one and you may be better off going back to the drawing board.

Siegfried · 07/10/2011 21:55

Yes, i think you are well within your rights to now withdraw the offer. After all, any offer of employment is made with the implicit proviso that the prospective employee acts in a professional manner! I agree that she will be a nightmare if you employ her.

annh · 07/10/2011 22:17

OP, come back and tell us how you got on? Which nanny is getting the job?

Original poster
PacificDogwood · 09/10/2011 20:51

Ok, here is the state of play:

Nanny1 phoned me back with tel nrs for parents of 2 recent mindees, one of which I spoke to and she had only nice things to say about Nanny1. The other nr was answered by a male voice who said something incromprehensible and hung up. No answer when I rang back.

Nanny2 came round again yesterday so that DH could meet her. He liked her too.

Nanny2 was contacted, offered the job and accepted with a convincing display of enthusiasm (which really is the main thing that I had been missing from Nanny1).

I phoned Nanny1 and told her that we had chosen to make alternative arrangements which I found easier to do as I knew she had not given anybody notice yet. To be fair, she was absolutely fine about it

So there you have it. Hopefully this will turn out to be a long and fruitful working relationship Smile.

Now, how to register as an employer, which nanny payroll company to use, what is to go into the contract exactly, how are we going to work around some holidays she has already booked etc etc - the real fun is only about to start, gah!

Thank you so much for everybody's opinions and experiences.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 09/10/2011 21:03

Oh I do love a good update Grin

Good Luck with the new Nanny!!

Everything will work out if you have the right nanny - fret not!

There are lots of threads on nanny tax companies etc - just do some advanced searches and you should get lots of the answers you are looking for!

nannynick · 09/10/2011 21:22

Great news, thanks for the update.

Start a new thread about anything specific you need to know with regard to contract. The only thing I would mention is that you should contract with a Gross salary and that I feel the Gross Misconduct section is better if it's made very clear by giving specific examples of things you consider would be grounds for immediate dismissal.

Original poster
PacificDogwood · 09/10/2011 21:30

I might well pester ask you all for advice on some of this again Grin.

See, I didn't even know there would be/should be a 'Gross Misconduct' clause in the contract.

Nanny2 will speak to her boss tomorrow, then let me have her contact details for a reference + a family she used to nanny for and let me know what exact amount of notice she will have to give. And then we will have to hammer out the details.
A gross weekly wage has been agreed which interestingly will be more for 35 hours/wk than she is currently getting for 45 hrs/wk working as a qualified nursery nurse Shock! And I don't think I am overpaying her btw.

OP posts:
mranchovy · 09/10/2011 22:04

Get a decent payroll company (don't pay more than £115 a year) and use they will provide a draft contract.

DON'T do as Nick suggests and provide 'examples' of gross misconduct (because this may make it difficult to dismiss without notice for things you don't include on the list), but DO state specifically anything that you would sack for that others may not - we always include 'disclosure of any personal information relating to the employer or the family'.

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