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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

How to talk to nanny about this...

16 replies

lamandler · 03/10/2011 18:15

Our nanny - who seems great - has been with us since July. She is our first nanny and looks after DC (DS almost 4 and DD 1) three days a week.

She has always seemed kind, gentle, lovely. But today DS - who has a speech delay so only tends to tell us when something bad has happened to him - told me he banged into her foot with his scooter and she shouted and made him cry. He said he wanted mummy to come home (cue massive guilt). He seems really upset by it and it seems to be dwelling on his mind.

I have no idea how to bring this up with our nanny, it seems so out of character, but of course my mind is working overtime and I wonder if I am seeing the real her, etc etc.

DC normally seem happy with her - first time this has come up.

Any advice would be great

OP posts:

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MaryPoppinsMagic · 03/10/2011 18:53

Hiya, we all react all of a sudden when something hurts us, maybe she was hurt from the scooter and shouted but not at him?

You could maybe say something like 'DS said he hurt you yesterday and was ever so worried he upset you' see how she reacts and go from there with the reaction

Greensleeves · 03/10/2011 18:59

he probably hurt her and she cried out

anyone who works with young children will have done thins - I once had a bus-bike with three children on it run over my broken toe - I shouted

Talk to her about it, as she may not realise how upset he was - but I don't think you can legislate for how a person will react in the split second something rams into her foot

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/10/2011 19:15

agree with greensleeves - many a time ive had my foot run over/stepped on/something dropped on it and i shrieked out 'ouch'

let alone if woofa 10.5stone steps on me - thats a serious owwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

though havnt made a child cry yet .............

thebody · 03/10/2011 19:27

yes agree in a moment of pain one can let a huge cry out, had a child shut my fingers in the door, cue a massive 'f uuuifffliiipin ekkk'.

i think its because this is so unusual that he mentioned it, surely that reassures you.. it can be frighteneing for children to see adults upset or in pain but she isnt a robot so it will happen, surely its happened to you??

nannynick · 03/10/2011 20:48

What happened after he cried - did he go on to say anything about that?

Ask the nanny about the incident, it's often good to get both sides of the story. She may well have shouted... may even have shouted at him. If it's not happening on a regular basis (and I get the impression it isn't as you say it's out of character and it's the first time he's mentioned nanny shouting) then I am not sure it's anything to worry about at this stage. What might be more worrying is if nanny had not reacted at all to being run over by the scooter.

Original poster

lamandler · 03/10/2011 23:09

Thanks, will mention it tomorrow

OP posts:

MilkNoSugarPlease · 04/10/2011 08:25

Last week my charge went into me on her balance torture device bike, wasn't hard at all but hit the back of my heel and, my god it HURT! I said "be more careful because that HURT!" I didn't shout but was firm as this was the 57865378963rd time I'd asked her to stop... whilst hopping around like a loon.......she burst into tears (very unlike her)....I think it was the mix of being hot and tired and knowing she'd hurt me that made her cry (we had a cuddle and all was fine!) She later told DBoss I'd "shouted 'coz it hurt me"

Kids see things differently, your nanny may well have said it firmly but not shouted at all

fraktious · 04/10/2011 10:37

I have in the past cried out when a child has hurt me which they may have interpreted as shouting at them. Admittedly DS is 5mo but I made him cry the other day because he grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked and I shrieked because it really flippin hurt! So I agree it might be shouting out rather than shouting at or it might just be the shock of change in tone if she's normally gentle.

pinkpeony · 04/10/2011 11:09

As a parent, I would definitely question the nanny. And slip into the conversation somewhere that you don't believe in shouting at children, that you never do so yourself and would hope that no childcarer would ever shout at your children. IMO you can't be too careful with anything to do with your children.

PandaNot · 04/10/2011 11:49

pinkpeony you seriously never, ever shout whilst your children are around? They're in for a big shock in the real world then!

As the other posters have said I think she probably shouted because someone running into you with a scooter really hurts and if she doesn't usually raise her voice then it was just a shock for the OP child.

An0therName · 04/10/2011 11:59

pickpeony - how old are your kids - I don't believe as such in shouting at kids -ie I don't think its ideal but it does happen with your own - I apologise and move on - teaches them the world isn't perfect too..
that said with the OP it seems was just because it really hurt!

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/10/2011 14:18

A loud shouted firm no works wonders

I have raised my voice/shouted at my dc - esp if about to wallop another child/pull their hair etc

Shouting once in a blue moon is acceptable where as smacking isn't IMO

Original poster

lamandler · 05/10/2011 23:22

She was surprised when I raised it, didn't think she had shouted - said maybe she yelped as it had hurt. I could tell she was a bit mortified!

I had to say something as it would have been on my mind otherwise - I didn;t make a big deal though.

OP posts:

nickschick · 05/10/2011 23:25

Oh this reminds me of having the bridge of my nose wacked with brutal force from a 3 year old - it bloody hurt!!! I yelped,my nose bled,I cried and poor poor Natalie cried more than me......

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/10/2011 02:30

guess if she is a quiet nanny, a yelp prob sounds loud to your dc

taacrmachine · 12/10/2011 13:34

I think it is unhealthy for dc's to not hear shouting once it a while. Especially if they have been purposefully violent or disobedient to the point of danger. i very rarely shout at my charges unless it is for something serious.

iamandler well done for not making a big deal. by the sound of things it isn't in her nature and was probably just genuinely calling out in pain, maybe your dc cried because they realised they shouldn't have done something/caused her pain. sounds like a possible empathy response?

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