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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

giving a warning - do things ever work out after this?

41 replies

FootballFriendSays · 28/09/2011 21:52

I'm thinking of giving a first and final warning to our live in nanny. She's been with us for 6 weeks. Do things ever improve after a warning or is this just going through the motions for both parties and we should both start looking for someone new?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Original poster

FootballFriendSays · 29/09/2011 23:26

Breathe - a probation till Xmas and then definite till September if things go well. Just now I can't see us making it till Halloween. And thanks for giving me perspective - I would expect children to be engaged with or at least supervised and accidents to be notified. (Nursery staff phoned DH - she had fallen off v close to nursery so must have been quite shaken - DH phoned me, I was on a course 2.5 hours away. I phoned the nanny to ask what had happened and to assess whether to come home immediately.)

OP posts:

fraktious · 30/09/2011 10:12

Sorry but my gut is screaming nonono.

I would be livid at any of that and as for grabbing by the neck?! That's not on at all, there are plenty of other places to grab. The lack of supervision, communication and care means is I'd just give the notice in the contract and say it's not working. There are other much better nannies out there.

redglow · 30/09/2011 10:43

I think the neck grabbIng thing does not sound right. Like fraktoius my gut reaction is no. If she was working and they were watching tv why wasnT she not with them?

MGMidget · 30/09/2011 10:44

I agree with fraktious. Also if your nanny has only worked for you for 6 weeks the three step warning procedure is not important as she is not in a position to take you to a tribunal for unfair dismissal. You can just give her notice and say it isn't working - you don't need to justify the decision or go through all the warning stages. I wouldn't put up with that - most nannies would be on their best behaviour and eager to impress in the early stages of their job, even if they slack off later.

kelly2000 · 30/09/2011 15:58

I think the neck grabbing thing is dodgy. I know children can sometimes ignore people when it comes to that sort of thing, but it would be more normal to grab at their clothes.
I would have a good chat with DC to see what happened. I think it is important that you believe your children over the new nanny, as they always need to feel they can tell their parents things.
To be honest why take the risk, you know she leaves them on their own most days (why can't she just read a magazine or watch simpsons with them and have a cup of tea) you are worried about the neck thing, keeping her will just worry you.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/09/2011 21:50

watching tv in her room with door closed while MEANT to be looking after your dc is a big no no

red marks - hmmmmmmmmmmmm grabbing a neck dodgy - having arm yanked i can understand but no neck :(

plants - im crap at watering and all mine are dead - 'looks mournfully on window sill'

maybe she was dead heading - a term i use from my dh and bf, though have never done it

and you have only had her 6 weeks, if she said sorry about the tv etc then maybe give her another chance, but seems she isnt bothered/concerned about it - too many warning bells for me personally

breatheslowly · 30/09/2011 21:58

I think you know where this is going so you may as well get on with it. Have you contacted agencies to look for a replacement (or what ever you do to get a nanny)? Did you pay an agency fee for her and can you complain to the agency if you did?

banana87 · 30/09/2011 21:58

You don't grab a child by the neck--ever. It's basic. For that reason, and not looking after your DC as she should, I would let her go. No idea if you are actually legally allowed to, but given she is in her probationary period I can't see why you can't give her a week notice to vacate (and no notice in regards to her job, do not leave her with your DC alone again).

StillSquiffy · 30/09/2011 23:07

To be blunt... she's a lost cause. Get rid.

ArthurMcAffertyhastwocats · 04/10/2011 10:18

A friend had broadly similar concerns about her nanny, who she strongly suspected wasn't paying close enough attention to her three dcs when she was in charge. There were various good reasons to be concerned, but no real hard evidence. She had a serious chats, and decided to see how things went. And then two weeks later, the nanny did something so mind bogglingly stupid and dangerous in terms of the children that they were lucky to have come out of it alive. She was sacked on the spot. The moral, as we agreed afterwards, was to trust your gut instincts.

Clearly you can't go round sacking people on a whim, but when you have only employed someone for a short time (and six weeks is a short time) you can dismiss someone much more easily under the law than you can further down the line, and there's a good reason for that. Personally I wouldn't be happy, and if I thought that I could manage in the short term without help, I would sit her down and say that I didn't think it was working out, pay her notice and ask her to go.

Knackeredmother · 04/10/2011 22:05

Arthur, I'm very intrigued and nosy as to what the nanny did to get sacked?

Original poster

FootballFriendSays · 04/10/2011 22:27

Just a quick one to say thanks for all replies. We've just moved house this w/end so no internet connection. No substantial improvement, no energy or interest, despite being 'watched' and knowing she's on a warning. DH is at home this week and now he is not impressed either. I'll keep you posted, i have a bit of email etc catching up to do. Thanks for your thoughts, I know we can do better.

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sunshinenanny · 08/10/2011 22:40

This nanny doesn't sound as if she takes her job very seriously. Did you check her references, is she very experienced, A good nanny is always aware that she is responsible for the welfare of her/his charges and going in a locked room is not good practice.

Original poster

FootballFriendSays · 20/10/2011 23:00

Quick update - tonight I told the nanny it's not working and gave her notice, to leave in another month. I'm upset but things have really not improved in terms of rapport between her and the children or interest towards the job (my children!) or energy or keenness. No big ones, just small things that irk (like DD1 being late on her second day at new school due to bad planning by nanny, although we had done the route together by bus on the first day, twice). DH is supportive of my decision.

I think it will make for an awkward month but I should put my DC's interests of being stimulated and someone else taking an interest in their lives before my convenience of finding another nanny as quiet, clean, mature etc as this one.

Thanks all, it helped to have feedback. (And I never once mentioned the flowerpot.)

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starfishmummy · 20/10/2011 23:31

Personally i would pay her a months wages but tell her to go straight away, and get your mum to help you.
If she was not doing the job properly when it was potentially long term she isn't going to do it properly now...

fraktious · 21/10/2011 06:12

I would also PILON.

And whilst maturity, calmness and quietness are good things, initiative and enthusiasm are qualities which are just as important!

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