The hand that rocks the cradel (guardian weekend supplement)

[NannyL]

did anyone read this article about nannies / au pairs?
I thought it was very interesting!

link?

here

sorry forgot about the link! came back to add it but its already been done

It's totally true. My sis (then a Nanny, now a Nursery manager) had a terrible first job with a family who took her for a ride- things like sis's fiance would come back from Uni (about 150 miles) to see her, they'd just phone up from work (london but living in the South West) and say 'not coming home going to a social' and hang up on her, so she'd have to stay in (apparently it was OK as they allowed her Fiance to stay- according to them). They also hired her to work in a house in the sticks with a contractual promise of a car, failed to produce said car and forced her to hike 3 miles each day on an A Road with no path to the nearest bus stop, up a steep hill with their dd in her buggy.

Anyway, sis knew she should leave quite early on but was attached to her charge and couldn't just leave (the parents admitted they weren't fond of young children, Dad didnt touch her until after 1st birthday) as she was worried charge would be alone with no love. Charge had also grown close to us, when Sis was on leave whatever bosses would 'dump' child on my Mum (!!) so we were attached to her too.

When Sis did leave I cried for a week- let alone Sis who never Nanny'd again.

God I've got lots of hellish stories about being a nanny........good employers are thin on the ground!

God, some of the nannies' stories were awful. I've always been very, very glad when I've found childcarers who were plainly fond of my ds - wouldn't dream of trying to stop ds forming a relationship with them. Actually managed to 'keep' his old keyworker from nursery when she left by engaging her as a nanny, thank heavens.

My old childminder is still a dear family friend, and I'm in my mid-30s.

Reminds me to tell ds's nanny more how much I appreciate her, though, instead of telling everyone else!

I know, Panto (being currently pantless myself, of course)I read it and thought 'thank heavens the Inferiorettes have been at the same childminder since they were babies'. And if anyone tries to mess around our childminder, they're out

what are you doing with no kecks on, you shameless hussy?

am babysitting my 8mo neice tonight so tentatively exploring what it's like to have two...

it made me realise yet again that my childminders have all been such lovley people to my ds1
He has been part of all of their families and they love him (who wouldn't?)
They have all taken such special care of him.
When the first one he had left London, she cried to leave him behind, and her dh was visibly upset. I'd not realised how big a part of her family he was.

I had chosen a childminder/nanny route so thatr ds could get a second mummy whilst i couldn't take care of him. I got what I wanted and found it hard sometimes when he was pleased to see his carers, just a quick wave for mummy.
Having read this article, I feel that I had such a lovely relationship with all of them (3 so far-for complicated reasons)

you can get great nursery care though. my dd will be 7 monthts when she starts the nursery that ds is already at in feb. they already know her, as the nursery is very much part of the community & we're always popping in. the 'baby' room goes up to 2.5 at least, & they have very low staff turnover. the deputy head seems particularly fond of dd & i reckon will be in & out all day cuddling her which i'm really happy about. and she's going to go 2 days a week for 6 hours (don't ask how this will actually let me work, but never mind...).

My dh finds is amusing when my long-term mindees (aged up to 11 years, have been here since they were babies) arrive here. They waltz in as if they own the place, chuck their coats and schoolbags wherever, doss on the settees, and inititate fights with each other. Then he realised that they probably think that they do own the place, and that my family are just "extended family" for them. They have spent a good chunk of their lives with me.

I have close friendships with the parents now, and certainly don't feel like the "hired help".

Do other parents who have had successful nannies/au pairs/childminders etc. stay in contact with them once they have moved on?

We are still in contact with DD1's first nanny, who looked after her from when she was a few weeks old until she was 3. She married a lovely man and moved to Italy, and we still phone, send photos of the children etc. We all cried when we moved and she went to Italy and she still thinks of DD1 as the little girl she never had!
We are also still in contact (but more sporadic) with our last nanny who looked after both girls for a year, and fully expect to stay in touch wtih current one when she leaves us next year.

The only one we have NOT maintained contact with (though bizarrely she has tried to keep contact with us) is the one we sacked for being cruel to the girls.

My first charge (now 20 years old, looked after him from 11 months) texts me at least 3 times a week, and calls me every 2 months (I call him in between). His mum hates the relationship we have, always has, but she doesn't have a relationship with him at all, never has, she showers him with gifts and money but doesn't show him any love, this said, he loves her a great deal. He went through an awful stage when he was 13/14 where he wanted to "divorce" his mum and live with me!! He wanted to shock her I think.

I have been a nanny for 19 years and am still in touch with most of my old charges and I love them to pieces, I know how hard it must be for a mother when her darling child shows someone else love, but it is the road they chose. Apart from my first boss, all my bosses have had no (or at least not shown any!) problem with me being close to their children, most of them saying that I am their second mum! Which is nice to hear.

Mind you, my earlier post was very negative.

I still exchange cards at Christmas with the family I nannied for in Canada in 1985!! They were lovely.

We employed a nanny for the first time in September this year. We have 3 Ds 6, 3 and 7 months when she started. We deliberately employed a nanny who I felt would LOVE the boys and care for them when I couldn't. My youngest son loves her very much ( they all do but him especially) and I am so grateful for that, I cannot understand how people could be so cruel as to deny their children a relationship with someone they love and trust

I think this article is rather out of touch. They seem to have found extreme examples to get a rise out of the readers rather than a true sample of nanny employers.

I don't know anyone who treats their nanny in this fashion, and if they did, the nanny would surely have enough sense to leave.

I met a trout at a party who said that her daughter had recently let her nanny go because the nanny 'kept kissing the grandchildren... it seemed very inappropriate'

it must be miserable beyond belief to resent your nanny.

Perhaps it was excessive kissing? And perhaps the daughter is overly jealous? Don't really know, but it hardly supports portraying the extreme stories in this article as the norm.