How do you leave your child in another's care?

[Sarochenka]

My baby is eight months old. I would like to go back to work in a few months and yet the idea of a stranger- or anyone else but my husband, really- looking after her or even holding her makes my eye start twitching. How do you mentally start to accept the idea that other people probably aren't going to harm your little one?

I'd love her to go to kindy and school and play on bikes in the park with her little mates later on but now know it'll be terrifying. I didn't expect to feel this way before she was born. But afterwards, it took me weeks to go out with her in the pram, as I was terrified others were going to try to steal her, she was so beautiful. Yes, total nutjob, I know.

Also, would you let your child go to a nursery where there was a male careworker? You hear so many horror stories.

Thanks Ophicleide as you can tell it is a sore point right now! I was making the minor point that turn-taking and being gentle around other children can only happen if there are other children to take turns with and treat gently and one way to achieve this is to spend the day with other kids. But obviously this doesn't only happen at childminders, the other children could be siblings, neighbours, children at playgroups, softplay etc.

I think you have raised two issues in your OP. firstly not wanting to leave your child with a stranger. Secondly the issue of male carers.

On the first issue I am presuming you are a first time mum so this is a completely normal feeling for you or any other mum I would think. I had a mum choose to leave her son with me at 7 months. She was wary as not only was it her first child but she is also Polish so has no support network as all friends and family are in Poland. My normal process is to have a settling in session of an hour with mum and one where child is left for an hour. (more for the parents benefit than the child's). For this mum I had longer settling in sessions of a couple of hours and child started a month before mum went to back to work for one full day a week so Mum could get used to leaving him. But I have also had a mum who I knew and had been friends with for many years who was also nervous of leaving her child even though she knew me well.

On the second issue this is sadly a common fear and as has been said completely not justified.I come at this from a purely personal reason as until recently my husband was a registered childminder with me and in our area there are at least two or three other childminders who are male and a number of nursery workers also. Sadly your comment isn't unusual but the reason there are not many male childcare workers is because they face this sort of attitude. Ironically the male childminders in our area are all brilliant and in the case of one better than his wife. I also know of two male childminders who work on their own and are always full (not local to me).

As an aside I think as a parent you will always feel wary of who you leave your child with and how they will be after all your child is the most precious thing in your world.I have been in childcare 30 years next year and have worked as nanny/nursery worker/childminder but have no children of my own.I have had CM's ask me why I do the job with none of my own and even had a perspective parent ask me why I was a childminder when I didn't have children.

My DH is in the process of registering as a CM and attitudes like this regarding males in the childcare industry are what he fears sadly. He is a SAHD and will make a brilliant CM. It is also what has stopped him registering over the last few years, I cant begin to describe how angry this makes me feel.