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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Are some babies quite hard to look after?

12 replies

mogwai · 02/12/2005 19:22

just wondering.

My daughter is five months. She's going to a childminder after christmas. I've always found her a very "intense" baby (when compared to her peers). She doesn't like being held (prefers to sit in a chair) and needs something to do/look at all the time. She has three naps a day (roughly one hour, then two half hour ones) but she cries each time she goes into the cot (she does eventually settle). At the moment, she doesn't particularly like strangers either, which I thought was a stage of development that came later.

She's not a baby who cries all the time; she just grumbles a lot when she gets bored and, unlike her peers, she doesn't sit smiling and gurgling.

I keep worrying that the childminder will phone me and ask me to come and pick her up because she's such hard work. She also looks after a couple of toddlers, so she can't give my daughter the level of attention she's used to (obviously) and I'm concerned that her crying will disrupt the toddlers' nap times (cots are in the same room).

Probably typical worries of a first time mum, but how on earth do you childminders cope with babies like mine?

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HappyMumof2TurtleDoves · 02/12/2005 19:30

I think a lot of the time babies adapt to their environment. So your dd will probably get used to not having un divided attention from the childminder (which can be a good thing) and she will also have the toddlers to look at and play with as she gets older.

Often with sleep times, I find babies behave quite differently with a childminder to how they are with their mum, well, ime anyway!

I'm sure she will be fine. Most childminders are used to having to adjust things so that all children's needs are met, and we are used to different babies with different personalities!

I wouldn't worry about her disrupting the toddlers. It's only to be expected really, if cots are in the same room, sometimes it can be the other way round and the toddlers can be the one's disrupting the babies!

She will be ok

mogwai · 02/12/2005 20:17

thanks for replying. I'm sure you are right. It would, as you said, be a good thing if she could get used to NOT having undivided attention...but I'll bet she will still play up when she's with me

I have dreamt about leaving her with the childminder every night for about a week. I have every confidence in the childminder, it's just such a big step for me and for my baby. I've had very little help from my family since she was born, so we haven't been able to get much time apart.

It will be good for both of us.

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NotHavingXmasInChicagomum · 02/12/2005 20:23

Frommy experience with dd (now almost 4) who was ata childminder from the age of 6 months, her behaviour there was totally different to at home. For instance from the age of 1 she refused to nap at home, but continued to do it at the cm until she left at the age of 3, and tbh was generallynicer, better behaved etc for her than for me. Also remeber this person is a cm for a living they choose to do it and enjoy it, so aren't likely to hand in the towel just because a child doesn't give them an easy ride of it. FWIW my cm helped me enormously as a first time mum tackling the milestone issues of weaning potty training etc. If you have a good one they are worth their weight in gold.

mogwai · 02/12/2005 20:43

she certainly seems to have lots of ideas and firm policies, which I can see would be helpful. My daughter has a routine at home but I'd be happy to change things around if the childminder had a better way of doing things. Hope it all works out well.

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ThePrisoner · 03/12/2005 00:01

I remember how hard I found things when I became a mum for the first time (you get to the end of the day, you haven't sat down for 5 minutes, but can't think of anything you've actually achieved!!) I remind myself of those feelings on a regular basis.

As a mum of 3 now-considered-adult children, and now working as a childminder, I usually have my full quota of under 5s, and have several children (aged 5 - 11 years) who attend before/after school and in the holidays. A "quiet" day will be no schoolchildren at all, a "busy" day may see ten children in my house! Even now, it sounds totally unmanageable and I baulk at ever saying this to a first-time mum looking for a minder for her small baby.

However, I ensure that I am very organised. Nearly all the children I mind have been here since they were babies - they know what they can and can't help themselves too, and the older ones are very caring towards the littlies. I can separate small children from big children with a low divide between two rooms if necessary, so no-one gets trampled. We have plenty of activities, games and toys to suit everyone and, on one of the "busy" afternoons, the older ones will just get on with things quite happily.

The needs of the younger children (feeding, nappy changing etc.) will be put first. If I have an unhappy baby who would prefer to be held, then that's what I would do. I can play Chinese Chequers with 5 schoolchildren and a baby on my lap quite easily!

Mogwai - your dd will have other children to watch, who will probably be excited to have a new playmate (however young!) She will have different toys, different activities and lots of positive attention. I bet your dd will have an absolute ball!

Sorry for the epic essay!!

mogwai · 03/12/2005 08:39

thanks prisoner

I suppose she will love the change of scene! I often think "god, you must be sick of seeing my face!", but then, when I go out with her, for example, if we go for lunch with friends, she starts getting unsettled if I pop to the loo or whatever.

I never thought about it before, but you childminders are bloody amazing. I simply can't imagine how you cope with it all. Your description of being a new mum is spot on - what do we achieve? every day looks almost the same as the rest and there's no longer any distinction between weekday/weekend . I know it will get better, but the first year is hard, then you have all these childcare/back to work issues to deal with.

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mogwai · 06/12/2005 19:50

just to update

She went to the childminder today. I had forgotten that the reason I chose her was because she's so utterly lovely.

Felt totally reassured, baby had a lovely time.

One happy mummy

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Tan1959 · 06/12/2005 19:56

Realy glad to hear that Mogwai

HappyMumof2TurtleDoves · 06/12/2005 20:04

Great news mogwai

ThePrisoner · 06/12/2005 23:10

More brownie points for lovely childminders!! (I bet it was still hard to leave her though!)

AUBINA · 13/12/2005 23:48

I am a childminder and a mother of two under tens. I find the children I mind much easier to care for because I am less emotionally involved. Therefore I can be consistent and the child feels secure. My own children of course can manipulate me!

ghosty · 14/12/2005 00:11

My DS was a 'high maintenance' baby ... and when I went back to work when he was 5 months I was convinced that on the first day the nursery would tell me not to bother bringing him back the next day and that I would have the youngest child ever to be expelled from an educational establishment!
He loved it ... and they loved him ... and after a while I relaxed about it ...
He is 6 now and has just won the end of year class prize so I guess my worries were unfounded

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