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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

please advise me what to do - mindees mum leaves her 18 month home alone

46 replies

woahthere · 10/07/2011 16:29

I have suspected for a long time that she does. She walks past my house to drop her older child off at the bus stop. She is a lives alone most of the time but sometimes her partner is there. I childmind her youngest daughter who is 18 months old. I start work officially for her at 8am, at 8.15 she either arrives with the baby and then carries on, or, I see her walk past without the baby. For some time I had suspected the baby was on her own but then one day when I thought it was the case I then later saw her partner there so thought I should stop jumping to conclusions. However, the other week she dropped the child off late and so I asked if she had left her alone. She told me that yes she had and she said she was fine. I said was she asleep and she said no she was watching telly. I said are you not worried she might hurt herself, she replied in a very relaxed and unashamed manner, no, i shut the gate, she doesnt move. I felt fuming and all I could bring myself to say at the time was 'well, i vertainly would never leave a child alone, it would worry the life out of me'. Since then she has continued to leave her on her own. She has even waved at me through the window as she walks past. I am worrying myself stupid over it. I know I have an obligation to do something about it but i'm not entirely sure the right way to do it. In other ways she seems a good Mother. On the other hand, I saw her last week and she came to the door as I walked past and we had a pleasant conversation. I asked where the baby was and she said she was in the bath. I screamed at her, stop talking to me then and go and sit with her!! She'd left her alone in the bath to talk to me!! I am worried that something is going to happen to her, I ma also concerned as I know I have an obligation to do something about it. Im worried that I already should ahve done something and that I will get into trouble for not doing so. I am also worried aboutthe Mums rection when it all kicks off. Please tell me where to start. What would you do.

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Original poster

woahthere · 10/07/2011 17:34

the most annoying thing about it is that I am being paid to have her, and rather than pick the young girl up and bring her she chooses to leave her. She then drops her daughter off at the bus stop, goes home and comes back 30 minutes later with her...it is so unecessary!

OP posts:

Hebrewlass · 10/07/2011 17:36

It doesn't matter who you ring first- police or ss , because one will let the other know anyway .

thebody · 10/07/2011 18:03

i seriously dont understand the dilemma.. to say its a cultural thing is an insult to the culture.. its neglect in this country anyway and shes here, so subject to U.K laws..

if something happens to this child, and it will, then you are as much to blame as her as you didnt report it... and as a cm in a position of definatly knowing the neglect then thats unforgivable.

i am a cm and would report this at once..

Hebrewlass · 10/07/2011 18:54

Thebody - I entirely agree.

BertieBotts · 10/07/2011 19:07

But it might be a cultural thing. 60 years ago in this country leaving a child alone for 30 minutes while they were safely occupied would have been considered a choice for the parents to make, not serious neglect. I've left an 18 month old playing or watching TV in another room for 30 minutes before. In other countries young children are allowed to play unsupervised near big drops or bodies of water. Possibly not at 18 months, but it might be that she literally doesn't realise anything could be seen as wrong with leaving her DD.

I do think SS or HV need to be informed but possibly all that she needs is someone to just say in no uncertain terms that she must not leave her DD alone like this. Hopefully SS would do this but I don't know what the rules are.

missymoo2411 · 12/07/2011 16:59

i had the same problems with a family of african origin she left her youngest i had serious words with her and told her i had to report it she said she didnt relise she could get into trouble for doing it please dont be worried about reporting it just do it .good luck

Firawla · 12/07/2011 17:07

im sure it is illegal to leave them when they are that young. dont understand how on earth she can think it is okay really. its very different from being in another room of the house when they are watching tv, ie when you can hear them and run back in the room within a few seconds if needed..

ChildrenAtHeart · 12/07/2011 17:32

This is from the Direct Gov website & is consistent with all the safeguarding training that I have attended over the past 10 years, including earlier this year:

Leaving children at home alone

There is no legal age limit for leaving a child on their own, but it is an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk. Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ?in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health? (Children and Young Person?s Act).

The key thing is whether or not you believe the child is at risk of harm. If you do then you should (& must) contact your local social services/safeguarding board duty desk & report it immediately.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 12/07/2011 17:40

There are many, many, many cultures in the continent of Africa, but I have to say, in my limited experience as the wife of a kenyan man, with many friends and relatives in kenya and many friends throughout east africa, it most certainly isn't 'cultural' in that part of Africa to leave your baby alone, in the house or in water and I think if I told any of them that it was even put forward as a possible explanation, they'd keel over in shock.

Contact social services and report your observations. They are there to help.

ChildrenAtHeart · 13/07/2011 08:22

Meant to also say that in my own opinion I would be reporting, and would have done so already, though I understand why you havent

NearlySpring · 13/07/2011 08:44

I cannot see where the dilemma is?!? You are a childcare profession, she is leaving a baby (toddler) at home alone regularly and leaving the house.

Therefore you have witnessed neglect. Stuff "culture" or other inexcuseable excuses, she is putting that child at risk and you must contact child services. Not a sure start centre or a Hv you need to report it direct.

catsareevil · 13/07/2011 23:52

You have no real choice here. IMO you have a duty to the 18 month old to report this. Would you rather deal with the drowning/death of this child or face up to the mums reaction (thats if she even knows it was you - it could be a neighbour, someone in a local shop, someone going past on the bus).

hollyberrychildcare · 14/07/2011 12:33

As I understand it, it's not optional - if we suspect abuse/neglect we HAVE TO call the number our development officer gave you to fulfil the terms of your registration with Ofsted - which should have been given to you at pre-reg.

dmo · 14/07/2011 15:37

i used to look after a afican family of 3 girls 5yrs old, 3yrs old and 10mth old

often i see mum at school on her own picking up 5yr old and i ask where the other 2 are and she says sleeping at home but i do think they are at home on their own!!

cory · 15/07/2011 09:09

I am all for leaving older children alone but even I would find leaving an 18mo seriously neglectful. In so many ways, that strikes me as the worst age. Plenty of mobility and no sense. I'd report it.

VivaLeBeaver · 15/07/2011 09:16

Kids die from neglect just as much as from abuse. This needs reporting.

maiT · 15/07/2011 09:51

its not cultural. . . im frm africa and wld never dream of leaving a child alone at home much worse an 18month old they dont stay still unless sleeping, i used to go everywhere (when awake) with my ds even if i need to be in another room id take him bwtn age 0 - 24months. now he is a bit older he might go off on his own to watch tv while i have a quick shower but most times i actually do it while he is sleeping or wait until another adult is home and can keep him company. this lady is just careless (for lack of a better word). you have to report it regardless of her 'ignorance' perhaps when ss come they will educate her on whats acceptable and whats not.
have you informed someone?

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 15/07/2011 15:27

Sorry havent read all replies only initial post but its no brainer for me refer to social services - no questions needed

Gonzo33 · 16/07/2011 16:20

Blimey, I have a 17mth old and I would never leave her home alone, even if she is sleeping and I am doing a 5 minute journey to the shop I would take her with me.

surfandturf · 16/07/2011 20:04

I agree. I know it's a really unpleasant situation to be in but as I CM I would speak to mum first and explain that I have a professional duty to report to SS. (It's more than likely she would know it was you if you don't speak to her first anyway). Aside from that - could you live with yourself if something happened to this child and you knew you could've done something to stop it? I couldn't.

Ripeberry · 16/07/2011 20:26

Sounds like she is messing with your head! Seriously, would any sane person say that they have left their child in the bath alone?
She is winding you up on purpose or she is plainly....mad

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