Child minder with own baby?

[kellieb7]

My neighbour and I both had babies very close together (10 days apart) and she has now decided to become a childminder instead of returning to work. Obviously the question has now being raised as to whether I would like her to look after my DD when I return to work. I like the idea that DD will already know this lady and her little boy but I am slightly concerned that my DD may be treated differently i.e if both babies were crying she would probably attend to her baby before mine. Has anyone had a similar situation because I am really struggling to make a decision :-(

I was a childminder with my own baby plus 2 others. I always went to the baby who needed me most regardless of whose it was. If anything, I erred on the side of caution and made sure the minded babies were safe.

A newly registered childminder won't normally be allowed to look after 2 babies under 1 year old.

Does this apply in your situation?

Thanks for the reply, DD is PFB so I think I am going to worry whatever we decide (unless I can win the lottery) but it's helpfull to hear from others so thanks again x

Firstly are both under one... because CM's are reg'd for one under 12 months only.

Anyway, as a cm with my own 3 inc a baby, i have to say my own are usually last in the pecking order. Unless she is in immediate need (bumped head etc) then i usually see to others first (bless her she's used to it so is very placid and chilled out anyway). It is also rare that two babies cry at exactly the same time. I care for 3 under 3's every day and things like feeding, nappies, playing etc are all done at the same time so no-one really 'waits'. Logistically i do some things first with my DD as she is the only non walker such as carry her up the stairs and put her in her cot whilst the other two walk up the stairs and wait for me to put them down.

I think it will be fine. You have to trust the CM implicitly and if you don't then this isn't the right arrangement for you.

Yes Jojay this would apply as they would both be 10 months when I go back to work so I need to check this out, thanks for the heads up!!

I know someone who looked after a child about the same age as her daughter - she took more care of the looked after children I would say - however had a (much) older child so was an experienced mum. Why don't you look into other options as well before deciding - eg nursery, other childminders etc.

I would be thinking about her motivation for becoming a CM tbh. My best childminder had four kids of her own, youngest the same age as my son, and she was really clear that being a CM was her job and she was very good at her job. She was organised, did lots of things with the kids and generally put a lot of thought into it. At one point I also considered a mum who had decided that she didn't really want to leave her only child and the only way she could think of staying at home was to be paid to look after other people's children too. It was quite clear from her attitude that she just wanted to be at home with her own child, I would never have left DS there as I would never have been sure she wouldn't prioritise her own whereas I trusted the other woman implicitly to do the right thing.

You definitely need to look around at other CMs before making a decision, remember if it doesn't work out the fact that you are neighbours could make things really difficult.

I agree, if her motivation to become a CM is only so that she can earn money whilst stay home then I would think twice.

I agree with the others who say you have to ask your friend's motivation for becoming a child minder.

That said all of the childcare I have ever used have had their own children (or in the case of my first childminder her grandson) with them. I've never had a problem with it. My children have always been really well cared for. Our second childminder had a ds 2 weeks older that my ds, and another ds a year and a half older and she was super lovely. She treated my ds like another son, she bought him presents, they went on lovely days out. She was perfect!

My current nanny has a dd 2 weeks older than dd (what is it with this two week thing? :o) and again she's brilliant. My dcs are never neglected, quite the opposite. As nicknacks said, I suspect she puts my two before her own dd quite a lot of the time. It's lovely for my dd to have someone the same age as her to play with, esp now ds is going to pre school 5 mornings a week.

Some good replies, but just wanted to mention that you should consider carefully that your relationship with your friend may have to change to a more business-like one. You might want to look for another CM option and keep your friend as a friend.

Agree with Maidbloke,
she may not have the same ideas as your self, as in how to 'bring' up your child, this can cause ill feeling, do you really want to lose that frieindship.
and to be honest, 1 baby can hard work, 2 that age, if youve not the experiance (does she have older DCs?) would be even harder in my opinion.

It seems to me there is a lot against choosing this childminder, so unless there are huge advantages, I would look elsewhere.

Firstly she is now a friend and neighbour, so this will be a great relationship to develop as your dc get older and play together. But it will change to an unbalanced one if it becomes a business arrangement. You won't pop into each other's houses for a chat as easily, as on your day off (and therefore hers) she will need a break from your dd.

If she is inexperienced, and you are too, the whole thing may become very nasty if there are differing views on holiday pay, healthy eating etc.. Whereas with an experience minder you will have the reassurance that she's done it all before, and is ready for all the pit-falls.

If you feel now that she is expecting you to leave dd in her care, and feel a bit pushed into it, imagine how much more pressured you will feel if you didn't want to continue with the arrangement, but couldn't tell her.

Lots of good advice here. I can't imagine how anyone could cope with two babies under one, tbh (although I know that lots of people do - parents of twins for example). I think a good way to judge whether someone else can do something is to think how you would cope yourself in the situation where two babies were crying.

Imo, it would be better to find someone with older children - whether their own or not - at least at first. Later on, when both babies are over 2 and your neighbour has gained some experience of childminding, you could move your DD, and as she already knows the neighbour, that wouldn't be as difficult for her as moving sometimes can be.

Have you thought of putting her in a nursery, btw? I did that with my youngest child and two of my grandchildren are in nurseries. I prefer them to child minders when the children are small because I think that looking after babies is such hard work it's better if the carers have the support of other adults - who would also ensure that they were caring properly for the children - and the established rules, routines, facilities etc of a nursery.

I have also put children with child minders in the past, and they have been, without exception, fantastic, warm, loving people and the children were very happy there - so no criticism at all of child minders. In fact I feel disloyal to the lovely people who have looked after my children over the years by writing that I prefer nurseries. And I agree that child minders often do put other people's children first. It's just that, imo, having more adults around is a better bet when they are babies, if you are unsure.

I think the problem you might have if you decide not to ask your neighbour, is how to tell her without causing offence. I would go with something along the lines of 'I'd like DD to be with older children so it's more like a normal family group/she could learn from them' or 'I'd like DD to be nearer my work than my home so I could get to her quickly if she was ill etc'.

You could show her you trust her by asking her to babysit (on a reciprocal basis) or sharing childcare at weekends, asking her advice, etc.

Good luck.