Opinions on whether I am making an unreasonable demand on nanny please!

[tonybasil]

I have decided after some encouragement from my nanny to start toilet training dd at night. She has been dry during the day for a year and my nanny thinks she is being lazy at night and is ready to go without nappies. I admit I have put this off because I haven't wanted the hassle but there is never a good time, so this week we have gone for it. Basically she has wet the bed for the last 2 nights and I have asked the nanny to strip the bed and wash the sheets. I feel that it is not unreasonable and within her duties as she already does the children's laundry. She feels that it is unreasonable as the wetting happens when she is not 'on duty'. I feel I don't have time in the morning before work to do this. What do you all think? Be as harsh as you like!

my charges are 3 and are dry at night now with the odd occasional accident, they have some kind of mat I think its pampers brand where the wee doesnt go through to the sheet and the wee doesnt normally go on their duvet covers so you dont even need to change the bedding normally just the mat protector thing that goes on top of the sheet, Its not like those plastic sheets tho it does actually absorb fluid so child isnt in a puddle iyswim.

unfortunally those mats dont seen to work on my dc as he is a fidget in bed so mat gets crumpled and moves

Your nanny has a cheek tbh. Telling you your child is lazy and needs to be dry at night. Refuses to change the bed.

My advice would be to go back to pull ups now and be prepared next time your nanny wants to make an issue out of duties. I used to be a nanny did far more things than nannies now a days would even consider. They seem to think wanting to be seen as a professional means being very rigid in what they will do.

FWIW ds1 was 7.6 before he was able to go all night without a wee.
DD was 7 and at 7.9 still has the odd wet bed.
DS2 is almost 6 and still in pull ups.

I agree with poster's who say child is not ready and think you should leave it a while.

your nanny sounds a bit unreasonable and should not be pushing you to take nappies/pullups off such a young child if child not ready most children are naturally dry by the age of five but some are earlier and some a bit later. I don't think a reward chart would be helpful.

For some older children {5-7} the issue is caused by a tendency to sleep very deeply and in this case 'lifting' which involves carrying the sleeping child to the loo and sitting them on it so they empty their bladder whilst still asleep and then carrying them back to bed works. they eventually sleep through the night or wake if they need the loo. This is slightly old fashioned now but does work without causing distress to the child. Might do your back in if your older child is solid in build

I don't know blondes personally but I know her from here, and if she says this is weird, then it is. She (seems to be from her posts) a highly professional nanny. Your nanny (seems from your posts to be) unprofessional, controlling and a bit precious about her duties. She needs a good reality check. You don't need to "compromise" with an attitude like that. You are very nice, but she is out of order.

thank you havepatience for your kind comments :)

if we were in the olden days and had to wash in a cold stream and scrub with a wooden brush, then maybe your nanny would have a point

but takes 30secs to strip a bed, and another 30secs to load a washing machine

i can strip and re make my kingsize bed with 4 pillows and huge duvet in 3mins, so cant take the nanny that long to change a single bed with one pillow

sunshinenanny lifting isn't recommended when trying to achieve night time dryness in an older child. Whilst it can avert a wet bed it doesn't actually promote continence as it can promote the 'wee whilst asleep' message to the brain.

Unless you fully wake the child and walk them to the toilet lifting should be avoided.

One of the first 'rules' at Enuresis Clinic is no more pull ups, no more lifting. (But of course this is in older children and not one as young as the OPs child).

As you said though, achieving night time dryness is largely a developmental stage and in most cases is achieved with minimal intervention from a parent anywhere between 3 and 5.

Lifting didn't work for our very heavy sleeping son and we didn't even bother with our other two, nor did we do it more than 2-3 times with ds1 as it was obvious it was the wrong thing to do.

blondes Have you tried the Hippychick bedmats? They are much less 'moveable' than the huggies bedmat things. Also, i put mine under the sheet, so although we have to wash the mat and the sheet it is less than a whole mattress cover

cant say that i have but tbh its not that much hassle to strip dc bed and shove into washing machine and tumble dryer and make up with fresh bedding - we have 3 sets

though there was a time last year in septwhen dc was 5 and just started school and was tired and kept wetting the bed every night as such a sound sleeper and i was a bit ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh as happened every night/second night for a while

we did try lifting but hes a heavy solid boy and again lifting doesnt make the child aware of the need to wee and wake up, so pointless imho

Sidge I fully agree that no more pull ups is right I'm sure it can cause bladder infections in an older child. I do know of children who became naturally dry very quickly with lifting. The child is sometimes half woken and needs to be gently reasured. my niece became dry very quickly this way as did my friends child and was quickly able to sleep through the night. Most of the children I have cared for have just started waking with a dry nappy at around 2/4 years old. I know childcare 'fashions' change and I keep ahead of it but for some children lifting worked.

I did say it was slightly old fashioned but putting an older child in pull ups, unless; for a sleepover, to avoid embarrasment is not a good idea. I am sure I read doctors are seeing a lot more bladder infections because of this.

There is a genetic component to bedwetting so if you dh was a bed wetter I don't think it is considered surprising that your dd is not dry yet.

My dc1 was in pull ups to 4 1/2. Overnight she became dry and after a week we took the pull ups off. She has only wet the bed once or twice since then.

i am also a nanny and that is totally reasonable to ask the nanny to do that, that what i would do if my boss asked me to as it's part of the childs laundry anyway, not pleasant but life goes on.... as for potty training at night i would say when your child has woken up with a dry nappy for like 10 days or so then try with out a nappy at night .... if they not ready then it'll just upset them if they keep on having accidents... that is what my boss has done with her little one..... also get pampers bed mats as that avoids the wee going on the matteres... it'll happen when they are ready.. try taking them to the loo before bed and when they get up in the morning first thing....

for the pampers bed mats , if you put them under the sheet the work better but then need to change the sheet but that's not to bad. at least the matteress is safe...

Well I tried lifting on Friday and Saturday night but missed her wee at 11.15pm on the Friday and at 9.15pm on the Saturday. So after reading all your posts and giving it a go for a few nights she is back in a nappy tonight. I think I was worried that I was being the lazy one for not trying to get her out of nappies so I feel reassured that I am not now! We are moving house soon and am expecting DC no 3 so I think with 2 big life changes coming up for her it will be best to leave it a while. Thanks everyone.

sounds like the best plan for you all.

and am shocked that a nanny who (I presume) knows you are moving house and having a baby in the near future, thinks its a good idea to even try to "train" at this point (unless child initiated)

Poor you!

Leave her in nappies untill she is dry at night for a considerable length of time (two weeks minimum, and don't worry if this deosn't happen in the next couple of year.

Your nanny should, indeed be changing the children's sheets if neccessary. I can't believe she even questioned it.