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really fed up

31 replies

blondehelen · 13/11/2005 20:49

My cm had major surgery 5 weeks ago which she gave me a weeks notice about. She did find me an alternative cm which was great and she was lovely and ds really liked her. Anyway, spoke to her once in the 5 weeks cos she ended up having more time off than she had planned but other than that didn't speak to her. Ds is due back to her tomorrow so I phoned her tonight cos I am off to a conference tomorrow and not back til Wednesday. So dh has taken 3 days off and the plan is for dh to take ds to playgroup and then cm to pick up so dh can decorate while I am away. When I spoke to her she was a little offish that I hadn't been round to see her while she was ill, telling me that all the other mums had been round. Well I bearly get enough time phone my own parents let alone phone or visit my cm. Then she asks what time dh will be picking ds up and I said probably usual time but I would get him to ring her. She said well all the other mindees will be gone by 4.30 or 5pm so that would be good for her. FFS I pay her from 7.30 til 5.30 and she isn't picking ds up til 12pm then wants him picked up early!! Also her dp has taken 3 weeks off to help her because she still is not able to lift and I'm not sure if she is able to drive, but he is not registered. So surely she shouldn't be taking mindees again until she is fully fit? Or am I overreacting??

Phew.... feel better now!!

OP posts:
goosey · 13/11/2005 20:52

Yes you are totally overreacting.

HappyMumof2 · 13/11/2005 20:57

Message withdrawn

blondehelen · 13/11/2005 20:58

So is her dp insured to drive my ds and look after him as she is not fit

OP posts:
katymac · 13/11/2005 20:58

As long as she is there (and awake) there is no problem with her DH being around (he will have been police checked)

Whether or not she is ready to return to work is a decision she will (probably) have struggled to make.

However when I returned to my job after (reasonably minor) surgery, I was allowed to ease in gently with shorter hours.

Obviously as a self employed person this may not be necessarily practical, however you may feel a little leaway may be necessary.

Good luck - if it's a major problem for you, you may have to find alternative childcare as if you aren't happy.

blodwen · 13/11/2005 20:59

I think I would be rather hurt and disappointed if I only had one phone call in 5 weeks from a parent I minded for if I'd had major surgery. Did you ds make her a get well card? One weeks notice doesn't seem much, but maybe that's all she had too. It was good that she found an alternative childminder for you where your ds has been happy. If her husband is able to take 3 weeks off work to help, he doesn't need to be registered in his own right. He will have been police checked anyway, and if his wife is always there with him, it shouldn't be a problem. She probably can't afford to have any more time off!

katymac · 13/11/2005 20:59

Her car insurance should be business use and I would have thought her DH would be insured for the car - the insurance is for the car rather than the person driving (iyswim)

blondehelen · 13/11/2005 21:20

Thank you. Feel bit better now. Think practicalities were worrying me. BTW operation was private and cosmetic so money not huge issue.

OP posts:
ChicPea · 13/11/2005 21:25

I don't think you are over reacting. And the relationship is an employee / employer one so why would you visit unless very close. I hope she doesn't expect you to pay her the same rate for 12 - 5 that you paid for 7.30 - 5.30. And also, the fact that it was a cosmetic procedure and she gave you a week's notice is I think unprofessional. How much notice are you expected to give her if you are not leaving your child with her and not expecting to pay? The good thing is that she found you a suitable alternative cm.

HappyMumof2 · 13/11/2005 21:31

Message withdrawn

blondehelen · 13/11/2005 21:31

thanks chicpea. Yes I have to pay her day rate all the time unless she is having time off.

OP posts:
blondehelen · 13/11/2005 21:34

I phoned her once and dh saw her once. But she has always told me she goes to bed about 9 - 9.30pm and that is the time that I make my calls, after kids settled and we are all cleared up.

OP posts:
ChicPea · 13/11/2005 21:48

Don't feel bad about being busy with your own family. Why pay her the same rate. Cosmetic surgery is elective not essential.

ChicPea · 13/11/2005 21:57

HappyMumof2, I take your point but re-reading the orginal post, the cm gave one week's notice for cosmetic surgery to a busy working mum. Not only that, she took off more time than orginally anticipated. I can imagine that if the recovery period was initially 3 weeks and BlondeHelen called her once thinking she would see her soon and then the leave was extended, that's not BlondeHelen's fault. I cannot believe that cm's are to be paid if they are sick when they are self-employed!!

BlondeHelen, are you going to stay with the cm? (PS What procedure did she have done?)

soapbox · 13/11/2005 22:02

I think she is taking the pee TBH!

As you say the surgery is elective - your DS's care has been mucked around for weeks now at very short notice and now she expects to be working shorter hours!

What a blimmin cheek!!

Tell her you either expect her to work the hours that she is contracted to work or that you will pay her on a pro-rata basis until she is able to return to work properly!

Frankly, I would be looking at alternative care - she sounds unreliable and unprofessional! Why in Gods name would she expect you to call her while she is off ill?????? Sounds a bit barmy to me!

Anyway, what was the standin CM like - could she take DS permanently?

ChicPea · 13/11/2005 22:03

I am pleased there is another MumsNetter who agrees with me SoapBox!

blondehelen · 13/11/2005 22:06

I am going to stay with her cos ds starts school next year and he has been there since he was a baby and he is happy. She told me she was having a hernia repair and then dropped it into the conversation after the op that she had a tummy tuck and I would see "her nice flat tummy" The original plan was 2 weeks off and it was at the end of these 2 weeks that I phoned her.

OP posts:
edam · 13/11/2005 22:08

I don't understand why she's expecting to be paid for a full day when she's only taking your ds for reduced hours which she has enforced. OK, if you decided for a week you were only going to send ds for half the time, when your contract is full-time, I can see why she'd still charge you full whack. But if she's imposing a reduction in hours, why should you have to pay?

blondehelen · 13/11/2005 22:08

Soapbox, she could but she is my cm friend so would be very awkward. She is lovely though.

OP posts:
katymac · 13/11/2005 22:09

Hang on when we were defending her - we had no idea she had elective surgery - I assumed (as I'm sure the others did) that the surgery was both important (major surgery) and necessary (one weeks notice)

As a self employed person I can not justify taking time off for a non-necessary procedure (as I'm sure neither would any othe S/E person - whether a C/Mer or not)

Alibubbles has (I believe) arranged necessary surgery outside of termtime - so that arrangements would be easier for her mindees families.

The comments we c/mers made were totally justifiable with the information we had - to find out after we had defended this woman that her surgery was's beyond belief

This is the sort of person that makes people think C/Mers are unprofessional and unreliable

blondehelen · 13/11/2005 22:10

the morning is through my choice as dh is off, but the early pick up is her, but it wasn't formal, just 'it would be nice' Will have to see what happens next week when me and dh are back ft.

OP posts:
katymac · 13/11/2005 22:12

If it was a hernia op then it would be necessary - however the Dr discussed me having a similar op (for a stretch mark that has split) he said that they would do a tummy tuck at the same time (and that was NHS) but he diecided not to refer might she have had both?

soapbox · 13/11/2005 22:13

Well, I think you have to take the decision that is right for you as a family.

I'm not entirely sure legally, but as things stand she has probably breeched the contract with you. As such you could terminate with immediate effect and move straight to the new provider without giving her notice.

As you say though, it would be akward as the other CM is her friend.

At the end of the day you need to do what you think is right for your DS and if that is gritting your teeth for the next few weeks until this resolves itself then sobeit

blondehelen · 13/11/2005 22:13

sorry if I didn't make myself clear. I was just fed up as I have pms, psyching myself for being away from home for 2 nights and dd cut 3 inches off one side of her hair today while cutting out her christmas list!!

OP posts:
blondehelen · 13/11/2005 22:16

I am a nurse and my way of thinking is that if the op was essential then it would have been done on the NHS like your 'nearly' op Katymac. thanks for your advice. Sorry your Dr didn't refer you.

OP posts:
katymac · 13/11/2005 22:17

So am I

However now they are discussing a Hysterectomy....I said - now when exactly can I fit in 3 months of non activity..........

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