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Offering to have friends baby...

14 replies

Donbean · 12/11/2005 14:35

Just wondered what you all think to this.
She isnt due till next April and wont go back to work till Sept/oct time by which time my ds will be in playschool 3 mornings.
I am not planning on increasing my hours of work as we are planning to start trying for number 2 in the months after that.
I was thinking of offering to have the child for 1 day a week as she is going back 3 days, i think that she could manage to get care for the other 2.(MIL)
I wont want paying, think i would enjoy it and know it would be very handy to our frinds.
Can you think of any reason why this would not be a good idea?
I need to think of every thing before i offer.

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BadHair · 12/11/2005 14:53

Phew, thought you were talking surrogacy. Was about to get my tin hat on!
My only concern would be that your relationship with your friend might change slightly. Either that you will be doing her a favour and she will be indebted to you, or that she will be going out to paid work and you will be at home with her child - is the sort of person who values paid workers over SAHMs?
As long as you are both happy with the arrangement I don't see that there should be a problem.


goosey · 12/11/2005 15:02

You could start to feel resentful very quickly if the child was too demanding. Ditto your partner.
If you do get pregnant you could find that caring for your friend's child is too tiring especially if you suffer from sickness.
It might be tricky to get out of if it doesn't work out for you.
You may not be insured for public liability should an accident occur whilst the baby is in your care.


Donbean · 12/11/2005 15:03

Im not sure if she has an opinion about SAHM/working mothers, ive never discussed this with her.
I dont think that she will value me any less because i too work (part time)
She isnt able to give up work for financial reasons.
I take your point about her feeling indebted to me and im not sure how to get over this because obviously i dont want her to feel like that.
I had also considered the implications on our frienship but cant foresee this bieng a problem...but you never know.

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Donbean · 12/11/2005 15:05

How about if i suggest a months trial and be open an honest about all eventualities.
I hadnt thought about insurance as i often have friends kids for them to help them out, didnt think it had to be so formal and official IYSWIM.
Granted i havent done it on a regular basis.

See i knew you could come up with thought provoking stuff, thanks, keep them coming.

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Donbean · 12/11/2005 15:23


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Rhubarb · 12/11/2005 15:41

I thought surrogacy when I saw the title of this thread too! Phew!

I think it would be a nice thing to do and very appreciated too I should think!


Donbean · 12/11/2005 15:42

Yes thanks. Surrogacy lol!

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doormat · 12/11/2005 15:46

donbean I would look at the situation in not the short term but in the long term

can you do this once a week (without fail) until your friends baby is in nursery

what if there is an illness or an accident in your household and you cannot mind the baby
would your friend have to run around looking for alternative childcare at last minute and get it.

what about when you want to have holidays, appts etc

not trying to put you off or nothing like that but sometimes life throws things at us and if I was in your position I would offer to mind the baby when she is stuck or every now and again for childcare rather than it being written in stone iykwim.
but if you are both happy go for it


Donbean · 12/11/2005 15:56

Hm, yes.
She has a MIL and a good neighbour. She is also pretty much available to leave work for emergencies i think.
Sickness etc is innevitable and it may be best to air on the side of caution and offer to be her stand by in case of emergencies. I would just love to make it a regular thing.

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albosmum · 12/11/2005 16:12

I would be very reluctant to offer this - any business type relationship can easily turn sour. You may be better off saying i am available in an emergency as any friend would be. If you turn it into a permanent relationshio you could end up losing a friend. Sorry to be pessimistic


HappyMumof2 · 12/11/2005 16:30

Message withdrawn


Donbean · 12/11/2005 17:57

Seems like allot of messing around TBH, i think i will keep it to if she is stuck then im available.
It was a nice thought though but i am glad i asked you all becauase as i thought there would be much more to it.
Again, big thanks.

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anothernamechanger · 12/11/2005 18:01

Regular, but not wanting to share my name

I found it uncomfortable when my friend did this for me - it was so so so kind of her to offer, and at such a good price, but I always felt that I couldn't say when she was doing things with my DSs that I would have wanted done a different way etc, because a) I didn't want her to feel I was criticising her parenting, and b) she was being so knid to do it in the first place that it seemed rude to criticise.


Donbean · 12/11/2005 18:08

I see your point namechanger, and it is very valid.
I think probably the best reason so far not to go ahead with this. Thanks x

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