nanny keeps house very clean, but is she playing with the kids??

[driedapricots]

i have a niggling doubt about my nanny. everytime i come home to an absolutely spotless house, she often empties the dishwasher, hangs washing out, tidies all the toys to an inch of their lives etc etc...i am grateful for this and must admit it is nice to come home to a tidy house but i worry if it's at the expense of my children.
they are 3.5yrs and 10months and i know on the days i am at home with them i struggle to keep the place shipshape or do many chores as they do require a lot of interaction..and i like to play with them as much as i can ;-)
i did say to the girl when she started that i didn't expect her to do any household duties beyond the usual clearing up after meals etc
the children do always seem happy enough when i come home but i don't get much out of the 3.5yr old when i ask her what she played today with * and my fear is the baby is just left in his pen or bouncer etc
how can i broach this without being negative/accusatory to her? i also have a little issue with the fact that she seems quite detached from the children - e.g when she arrives / leaves doesn't make a fuss of them or seem particularly warm. but perhaps that's me expecting everyone to be as besotted with them as i am!!

hi all, thanks for your posts. sorry i only come on intermittinetly when at work! 1st, i wouldn't dream of putting a camera up!! 2nd, i should clarify why the alarm bells really started. last fri i left the house at 9am and returned at 11.30 - when she had gone out to take DD to pre-school. in that time countless jobs had been done, and even all the knickers in my daughters drawers had been neatly folded...it really was a little unnerving!!! anyhow, i will just give her a list of things i would like her to do with the children this week & thank her for all the housework but re-stress that i don't expect it to be done and just want her to have fun with the kids.

god i think your nanny sounds wonmderful.. sorry dont mean to be rude but thank GOD i am a cm and work in my own home.. I occasionally have minded children whose parents feel the need to stimulate them 24/7 and they are a nightmare, wont settle by themselves, cant play, have no imagination, and cant interact or share with other children...

i am sure you arnt this intense with them.. but your house is clean, the kids are happy... what is actually the problem here..

your nanny isnt going to adore your dcs like you do, am sure she cares for them but she is a professional..

if you install a camera without the nannys permission i think you are breaking the law

It's not the tidying you should worry about but the warm thing. My kids are the same age as yours (almost exactly) - can you speak to your 3.5 year old about how things are going?

I've only ever had two nannies but I wish I'd got rid of my last one sooner. She wasn't too warm either. It's only with this one that I have realised how fab nannies can be... I'd investigate a bit if i were you

i also dont see anything wrong with nanny hanging out the washing and handing over a tidy house. i personally dont think a nanny should make a fuss of the children when leaving either, i wouldnt think that is appropriate. i understand there might be other issues with this nanny but nothing wrong with these two per se.

caterpilarr - and why exactly shouldn't a nanny make a fuss of the children when she leaves? What exactly isn't appropriate about loving the children you look after - all day, every day?

I don't particularly make a fuss of the children when I leave - I always say goodbye and would give a kiss goodbye if the child instigated it. But in my experience the children are usually excited to see mummy/daddy at the end of the day and aren't too fussed about wanting to say goodbye to me. Equally, they are very often not too fussed about saying goodbye to the parents in the morning as they are excited to see me

So my answer to catepillar's 'is it appropriate' would be, only if the child wanted a fuss making.

i suppose it depends on what exactly 'making a fuss' means but i would say that hello or bye bye with a smile and perhaps a wave from me unless the child initiated more. i dont think saying goodbye in a 'see you in a month' is necessary.

also agree with others a nanny might not be comfortable doing hugs and kisses in front of parents.
on the othere hand, when writing this, i remember in my last family every time a family of relatives /who lived very close, so we saw each other often/ came, the father hugged me every time on arrival and departure and when i mentioned that to my mb, she said he does it to everyone and its just how his family he grew up in behaves.
so i guess its a matter of how you have been brought up and how you personally fell about things?

all valid points. actually it's more the 'hello' that bothers me. it's her start to the day with the children.. if they had their way they'd stay with me, so someone who comes in, animated and happy to see them is better IMO than someone who slinks in and just sits down on the sofa...i guess it's about how you want the relationship to be between your children and their secondary carer, and i would like it to be warm and genuine...yes it's a job but that's the difference between good teachers/nurses/police - anyone in the 'caring' profession should genuinely 'care'

i have made a decision anyway, i'm going with my gut and will make a change after the summer hols to a childminder.

i would think that you are right to expect the nanny to come in a reasonably good mood and be able to do things and not just plomping herself on the sofa. not easy for us night owels but def doable with a bit of effort!

When I arrive in the morning, the children can still be in bed, or they may have woken up a few minutes beforehand and thus not in the best of mood.
I'm not a touchy feely, huggy kissy sort of person, so I may well come in quietly (well it is sometimes still dark at 7am) and perhaps hold baby and sit on the sofa, or I may prep some things that will be needed later in the day.

anyone in the 'caring' profession should genuinely 'care' - but what does that mean in terms of how they say 'hello'? What are you expecting them to do... would a childminder do any different (though would say hello at the door I suspect as they have to open it to let you in, whereas your nanny I suspect lets themselves into your house).

Well I dont go in kissing and hugging the children I would always let them hug me first, which does not usually come in the first few weeks.

I never kiss goodbye. I know another nanny who says that she loves them with all her heart which i do not thik is right.

generally babs nearly 3 will come and great me when i come in with a huge smile and 'blondes' and a hug - other 2 if finished breakie will be watching tv and therefore i am unimportant

evening, again generally get a hug/kiss from them all - but not every day

I agree with Lily that I like the children to help me tidy up at the end of the day just putting toys and books away and dirty clothes in the laundry basket,they know that as soon as the living room is tidy they can watch TV.
In the morning I usually give them a hug if they want one ,Generally when I leave I say goodbye and maybe blow them a kiss,but they are often more interested in the TV and their parents being home.If I am not going to see them for a while maybe before Christmas or summer holidays they will get a big hug and kiss when I leave.They all get ahug and a kiss when I drop them at school and during the day when they are home there are lots of hugs ,tickling, turning upside down and blowing raspberries on tummies etc.

Waves to Blondes.

I think that most childcarers would give appropriate hugs and kisses-I certainly know that I adored all 'my' children and still do (the oldest are in their 20s now which makes me feel v old but they still hug me and deliver cards to my home at Xmas)I dont think its wrong as cinpin suggests to love the children you care for but it needs to be appropriate .....a fellow childcarer used to often come and find a certain child cos 'she needed a jack hug' now thats a bit any fuss should be for the childs benefot not for the ego of the carer.

I did not say it was wrong to love the children you care for.

I love the children I care for like my neices and nephews, I only love my own children with all my heart. I just think its a bit strong comming from a nanny.