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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

babysitter asleep and screaming child on return home....

22 replies

keresley · 19/05/2011 20:18

I have had my babysitter for 2 years. She is a qualified nursery nurse and works at the nursery my daughter (aged 3) goes to. She babysits every other week. Usually there are no problems but when I returned home last Tuesday at the time agreed (10.15), my daughter was really upset in her room and the babysitter was in a deep sleep on the sofa. She didn't even wake when we came in the front door and turned on the lights where she was sleeping. My daughter was really poorly - had a really high temperature and was sobbing saying her head hurt. She kept saying 'no more babysitter- I waited 100 hours and nobody came to me'. Now I know that 3 year olds have their own version of events and she could have been crying for a matter of minutes but it is really troubling me. Should I continue having the babysitter ? WWYD? By the way, she wasn't ill when we left so must have developed her ilness whilst we were out.

OP posts:

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thisisyesterday · 19/05/2011 20:20

what did the babysitter say when she woke up??

i think, as she has always been fine before and this is the first time i'd let it go

belgo · 19/05/2011 20:21

It's worrying that she didn't wake up. Is she working a lot?

Original poster

keresley · 19/05/2011 20:23

She was just really embarassed and said that she had only just closed her eyes. The thing is, she was lying flat out on the sofa with all the lights turned off so it wasn't like she had just dropped off in a chair. She said she had worked a 12 hour day at nursery. I think it is just unfortunate that my little one was so poorly when we returned home.

OP posts:

bubaluchy · 19/05/2011 20:32

she is probably more exhausted thanshe realised and desperate for the money, but this is unprofessional, you need to put your child first I would only let her sit on the weekends from now on when she hasn't been with kids for 12 hours, the working conditions forNNs are crap.

naturalbaby · 19/05/2011 20:35

i once fell asleep on a night shift at work. i literally sat down to catch my breath as i'd saved all the active jobs till the end of the shift to keep me going, and next thing i knew a member of staff was talking to me. it had only been a few minutes. the other member of staff said i looked like i'd been there for ages due to the way i was on the chair but i had sat down to watch a story on the news for a couple of minutes, intending to get up and finish my paperwork so must have moved in my sleep. i have never been so embarrassed or ashamed in my whole life and found it very difficult to carry on working with the member of staff who found me, even after being cleared via investigation. so what i'm saying is it may not be exactly as it looked and i would go on your own gut feelings about whether you are happy to continue having your babysitter work for you.

frakyouveryverymuch · 19/05/2011 20:53

Sleeping is forgiveable. Not waking up for up for your DD crying or you coming home isn't.

She may have had good reasons for being tired but by sleeping that deeply she put your DD's safety at risk. It does sound like she's overstretching herself so I'm also in the wouldn't have her again on a work night camp.

Did she have/should she have been using a monitor of similar?

thisisyesterday · 19/05/2011 21:04

the way i see it though is that it could happen to anyone. you could fall asleep and not hear your own child.
she didn't do anything "wrong" per se and I bet in future she will be very, very careful and be downing coffee all evening if she feels tired.

changing nights might be a good idea though, that way she won't be completely knackered

SometimesIAmABirdbrain · 19/05/2011 21:05

I wouldn't use her again. While I can appreciate that she may have had a long and tiring day at work and that unfortunately it coincided with your DD being sick, it's not the kind of situation that would make me feel comfortable in using her again, especially if safety is involved.

I'm sure she's embarrassed and hopefully would be more on the ball in the future so you may think that because your DD is used to her, you would consider carrying on with the relationship. In that case, you would have to go with your gut feel.

CaptainBarnacles · 19/05/2011 21:10

naturalbaby that you had to go through an investigation

OP, I'd probably be inclined to let it go, although I appreciate how upset you must be. It's happened to me that I've been working downstairs and didn't hear DD crying her poor little eyes out. I felt awful.

And 'no more babysitter- I waited 100 hours and nobody came to me' is just so so sweet.

Samedi · 19/05/2011 21:55

I'd give her a second chance, knowing that she realised her mistake. Had she brushed it off I'd say get rid! But then I am speaking as a nanny and former NN so I know how tiring it all is!

When I worked in a hotel nursery, my assistant for the evening popped out to the loo and was gone for 45 mins. I couldn't go and get her as I had the children with me..... turns out she fell asleep and was mortified. I knew her as a cheerful, wonderful childcare assistant so I let it go and she never, ever made the mistake again!

nannynick · 19/05/2011 22:47

The fact that you have felt the need to post on here I think means that you have lost the trust you had in them and thus won't be using them again.
Your DD has also lost trust in their babysitter, so may not be happy to be left with them again.

I agree with Frak - it's not the taking a nap, it's the not waking up for your DD crying or you coming home.

nannyl · 20/05/2011 13:24

agree with Nick.

Im sure she has learnt from her mistake... but its not like you were really late or anything...

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/05/2011 16:50

agree with frakk that its not great that bs fell asleep but not the end of the world - the fact she didnt wake with a screaming child , means she was really in a deep sleep and therefore cant be trusted

harrietthespook · 20/05/2011 18:44

This would really freak me out. I don't think I could have the person back again - there was a breach of safety here, as Frak says. I would look for someone else.

maidbloke · 20/05/2011 18:46

Hmm, for me, this bit is the most worrying:
"she was lying flat out on the sofa with all the lights turned off so it wasn't like she had just dropped off in a chair."

You're paying a babysitter to ensure the safety of your child. She can't do this whilst in a deep sleep. She deliberately slept.

What if a smoke alarm had gone off upstairs?

I don't think I would have her back TBH.

lollipopmother · 21/05/2011 02:54

I Dont mean to play devils advocate but I'm slightly confused as to why your DD didn't cone out of her bedroom - if she was Ill and had been crying for ages would she not have cone downstairs?

sunshinenanny · 22/05/2011 00:22

It does seem strange that the crying of your daughter didn't wake the B,sitter up.

I have done overnights and had to get up in the middle of the night for a crying child and it automatically wakes you. also your coming in should have woken her.

Perhaps she felt unwell or was exhausted. Don't dismiss her out of hand but talk to her about it and consider only using her on nights when she hasn't had a long nursery shift

surpriseme · 22/05/2011 10:55

I dont think the sleeping is an issue-its the fact she slept so deeply that she didnt hear your daughter crying or you coming in.When ever I've had a child overnight(i'm a nanny) I have always seemed to automatically sleep lighter than normal so i wake if I hear anything.
Not sure what you should do as if everythings been ok for 2yrs and shes good with your daughter in nursery then it may be a shame to let her go.I would be weary though and maybe sit and chat and say if it happens again then she will be let go

ChippingIn · 22/05/2011 11:05

I think if she's been babysitting for your for 2 years and this is the only problem you have had, it's a bit harsh to 'let her go'. Maybe she had a headache and just thought she'd lie down in the dark for a few minutes ... we've all been there. I'm amazed that anyone can sleep through a 3 year old crying, but maybe she was just crying quietly in her bed until you came in ... frankly, I wake up if a butterfly changes position half way around the world so how she slept through you coming in I don't know - but people do :) I would just say to her that DD was upset that she didn't come to her and that you are a bit worried she's working too many hours if she needs to sleep before 10 and that if it happens again you will have to rethink the babysitting because you don't want DD to be worried no one will come to her if she cries.

cookielove · 22/05/2011 11:17

I agree with chippingin and lollipopmother!

SenoritaViva · 22/05/2011 11:26

Since you have had her a while and this is the first problem I would probably let it go. But I would also say that you think it is probably better that she doesn't baby sit when she's been on a 12 hour shift - no wonder she's exhausted! Perhaps ask her when would be better for her to sit, or do you go to something particular (salsa class or something)

eurycantha · 22/05/2011 19:53

I have baby sat for many years and have over the years fallen asleep,we all get tired after maybe starting work at 7am and then going on a baby sitting job afterwards.But i would never settle down as your sitter appears to have done and deliberately gone to sleep ,I think most nannies on here would say that they are tuned in to the sound of the children and the parents coming home 10.15 is not that late in my opinion.If you have had her for two years I am with Chipping in that perhaps you could give her another chance.Maybe asking her not to turn out the light?

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