I do get them don't I?

[Saltire]

. I think I'll give up and live in a cave.

Started before easter with a 20 month old. Then had a week off due to hols. Since the child has come back to me, he wants carried around all the time. If I try and put him down for on my terms then he screams till he's sick. he wasn't like this before hols.
What he does for example
If i take him away from soemthing I don't want him to ahve he scremas
If he does that bouncing bump that toddlers do he'll scream
They are, IMO anyway, temper screams, as it's always when he's not getting his own way. Like when i ask him not to push the buttons on dvd player, or when I ask him not to push buttons on computer. he will throw himself at me scremaing. If I don't pick him up within 1/2 mintue then he'll be sick. He will then scream if I try and put him down, but after 20-30 mintues he wants down again then it happens again.

He spent the first 20 motnhs of his life with his parents, well dad mostly and never went to groups or anything. My back is killing me, DSes are getting very fed up with it, I am getting very stressed by it etxc.

Any suggestions on how to deal with it?
As I said it's temper, and tantrums, sometimes he'll throw himself on the floor and scream, and I ignore those ones as he tends not to make himself sick.
Yesterday i had to leave toddler group as he screamed for a full 20 mintues, even though I was sitting on the floor with him on my lap - every time I moved my bum on the floor he would scream, if another adult spoke to me he'd scream, if a child passed within inches of us he'd scream.

I've always said I'd never give in to tantrums , I didn't with my 2, and with otehr mindees who've had them,but this really wearing me down. The HV was at toddler group yesterday and she said "Oh I think you're doing the right thing devoting all day every day to him he needs it, of course you should sit and hold him the little soul needs affection and I think it would be wrong of you to ignore it completely".

but devoting all day to him to tthe detriment of myself and others. I can't even make food or go to loo.

My friend is a CM and she had similar problems and she ignored completely, which is what I'd normally do but this child makes himself sick, full on vomiting, if he doens't get his own way.

DH (and before any one jumps in telling me how fucking dare I talk about mindees with DH, well it's his house and his life too that's affected) says I should pick him up but not in a "cuddly" way, just hold him so he's facing away from me sort of thing, so he's not being sick but still thinks he's getting hiw own way

What do his parents think you should do?

They have conflicting opinions. The mum is very much "oh my poorlittle baby " and gives him cuddles and carries him round the house. The dad says to ignore, especially the lying on the floor ones, he says he does them at home and he ignores, even if it's for 20 mintues, he says as long as he's lying on the floor and is safe, then fine, jsust ignore.

The mum though till pick him up from a tantrum, off the floor and cuddle and kiss, same with the carrying around all day, she does that too

If the parents (or at least one of them :) ) are happy for you to ignore then I'd try this. Or maybe a half-way strategy where you ignore the tantrum but every minute or so go over and offer him something he likes (but not what the tantrum is about) so that he doesn't feel abandoned and has a way out of the tantrum iykwim.

The dad said that he tries distraction at home but that the mother "overrules" him.

You do seem to pick your parents :)

Move him somewhere safe that you can clean up easily if he's going to be sick (garden or bathroom so you can mop the floor) and leave him to it. Get his parents to drop off lots of spare clothes so you can get him changed if he's got sick on him. Once he's calm then give him cuddles and reassurance as tantrums can be really scary for the child.

You might need to get them in together and chat to both about what to do - it's no good him getting one treatment from one and a different treatment from the other - you all need to agree on one course of action. I think you need to say that you'll have to terminate the contract if you can't sort it as you can't give their child the constant contact/cuddles without it being detrimental to the other children.

I have a toddler where parents have similar attitudes. Toddler has learnt not to tantrum for dad, but does it lots for mum so shows it is temper and expectations - mum bribes or gives attention, so its worth tantrumming for her. She does tantrum with me (with me 1.5 days pw), but I ignore it/put her in thinking time, depending on whats appropriate (and how much screaming is doing me in) and she does seem to be getting better.

Sympathies though as I find it exhausting and hate the looks I get when we're out and she is going apoplectic. :(

I am now thankful my 13 month old isn't as hard work as yours sounds! But since coming back from my 2 week Easter break, he is SOOOOO clingy. He cries when I leave the room and wants to be picked up all the time! He wasnt like this before (I had him for 3 months before the 2 week break).

My back is aching too! Such hard work!

Hope your situation improves!

If he hasn't learned that the vomiting gets him what he wants already he soon will. I would try to keep him away from carpets and soft furnishings and then completely ignore the vomiting.

I do tend to walk away from full blown tantrums but as soon as the child is calm again lavish attention on him or her. That way the child is still getting the attention and affection which the HV rightly said he needs but learns that tantruming doesn't draw attention.

Good luck with this little one. It sounds like his parents are not making this any easier for anyone.