Complete beginner - I think I need an au pair - any advice greatly appreciated!

[starkadder]

Currently expecting (fingers crossed) 2nd DC in November. DS is 3 and at the moment goes to nursery 3 afternoons a week. DH and I both work part time and have done since he was born; it has worked really well.

The issue is - I have literally JUST started my own business (about a week before I realised I was pregnant). It'll be 6 months into the business by the time (fingers crossed again) this DC is born. I will try and take about 3 months off but, realistically, will kill my new business if I try to take any longer than that. I work mostly from home so will still be able to feed the baby and be around, but will definitely need some help with a pretty tiny baby and with a 3 yr old DS (although he'll be at nursery at least 15 hrs a week).

DH is a teacher who is, hopefully, going to be full time from September - he won't be able to take paternity leave as it's a new job for him so he won't qualify. Him quitting or asking for reduced hours will also be the death knell for his career as he's chopped and changed a lot in recent years, basically to support me in my job.

SO...I am thinking that...if all goes well and this DC comes safely into the world in November (have had several MCs so am not counting chickens too optimistically just yet), what I'm going to need is some kind of help every day at home. Don't need help with housework or weekends or anything like that. Hours would be 9-4 or 5 probably. Could offer live-in if that cut costs for us - we have a spare room with en suite which would be quite nice for someone.

What's the best thing to do?? Au-pair? What's the going rate?? I literally have no idea where to start...

sorry can't help with aupair advice but as a teacher i know if you change jobs within the same local authority the entitlement to maternity leave carries over to the new job, so might be worth checking?

good luck x

Ooh that is interesting fairimum - we will definitely check that out in that case! Thanks.

Try to think specifically about what help it is you would need, as you are saying not housework - why not that? If the role is more childcare, then a live-in nanny (qualified or unqualified, experienced or someone with little or no experience) may be better to consider, as someone looking for their first nanny job may have more interest in caring for children, than say someone looking for a position where they are mostly doing housework with occasional childcare.

Also consider how much supervision from you they would have. Whilst you are at home, would you be working?

Au pairs are not really suitable for pre schoolers and especially not babies. They are supposed to do limited hours in exchange for pocket money and board. It sounds like you need a nanny or a mother's help rather than an inexperienced and usually unqualified teen.

Thanks guys, for the replies.

I just said no housework because that's not something I'm really worried about - we don't have a cleaner or anything and our house, although not immaculate, is OK and I think will be OK - tidy house isn't top of list of priorities.

I'd be at home but I'd be working, yes, so it would be hard to supervise and also, I'd need someone I could trust to take the baby out without me occasionally! I think it would be a bit much for an au pair, you're right.

What's a "mother's help"?

A mothers help is effectively a nanny who will work shared charge and do extra around the house. They may be quite young and newly qualified, or they may be more of a granny figure with experience of their own family and maybe a bit professionally. A newly qualified nanny would probably jump at the chance to work with a newborn and preschooler - it's very good experience to have on a CV.

If you could compress your hours a bit it might suit a local mum with school-aged children too?

Live in cuts the cost of the salary but you do lose a lot of privacy and you have to feed them etc and cope with an increase in bills.

Just call them a live-in nanny - much easier in my view, as the job is mostly childcare related.

Think all these different names for the job just gets confusing.

nannynick - calling it a mother's help rather than a nanny helps applicants identify the fact that there are likely to be duties that aren't the standard nanny ones (like the fact that the mother will actually be around!). There is an overlap between the two types of jobs, granted, but there is still a difference.

Saves sifting through a lot of applicants who don't want that sort of a position.

Fair enough, though if adverts list the job spec, expected duties... then wouldn't that help to get applicants who are prepared to do the expected duties?

Well, you would think so, wouldn't you. Not always the case though, is it!!!

Thanks again guys, for the help and advice - much appreciated! I have a few months to worry about it so will go and do some thinking.

Hi I am starting to think that a solution to my early and late starts at work may be an au pair. Can anyone currently using an au pair give me a quick run down on the highs and lows/ dos and don'ts/ how to get started etc.

jeller you might want to start your own thread giving bit more info on your individual situation to get more responses. There's a lot to say about both the practical aspects of employing an au pair and ways to make the relationship run smoothly.

Alternatively do an advanced search in this section to see if you can find helpful threads.