homesick au pair

[clare21]

Our Spanish au pair is v homesick. She's been with us for 5 weeks, including a week back in Spain and boyfriend coming here for a visit. She has worked and lived away from home, but she's clearly finding the move that much further from home really difficult. We're at a bit of a loss as to what to suggest, she has a friend not that far away who she sees several times a week and she Skypes her family every day. She's 25, but I don't think age makes things any easier. She's our first au pair, and we'd like to make the 6 months she's with us fun. I've introduced her to a Spanish au pair, and a nanny at school. Any ideas?

It sounds like you're doing everything you can. Is there plenty to keep her busy when she's not doing au pair stuff? Is she hanging out with you as a family in a relaxed way?
Maybe she needs signing up for a course (of her choosing) - that's almost obligatory here in the US to keep them happy / busy / out of your hair, I suspect.

Where are you? I have got a very kind and friendly au pair who likes to travel and meet people (Devon).
We give ours full gym/swim/exercise class membership which helps with meeting local friends and there are also facebook groups for au pairs to get in touch with each other.
It's always tougher when there is a boyfriend back at home!

She'll find it harder to settle if she keeps going home and having boyf to stay. I would really encourage her to meet friends close by - other than that it sounds like you're supporting her well.

I was an au pair in France at the age of 18. I soon worked out that once I went back to France after a visit home it was much easier to only speak to friends/family via emails for a week or two, only then did I feel brave enough to call them. Is she spending much time out of the house?

I had the same problem with my first Spanish aupair and she ended up going back home within 2 months. It sounds like you are doing everything you can. Has she joined a course yet? That is really the best (and almost only) way to make friends and have fun. Are you in a well connected place? Can she move around easily by public transport? Is her English good enough to be confident to move around on her own? If the answer is NO, you might just as well speak to her about her true feeling and see whether you should be looking for a new aupair. Mine left from one day to the next and I was so stuck...

Thank you v much for all of your comments. We live in north London, 10 mins from tube. She's doing English at a local college, but finding it quite tough, and took a week out to go home and now college is off for 2 weeks. She has one friend of a friend she sees lots of but who goes back to Spain in June. She likes to walk everywhere, and gets lost, isn't keen on tube (we give her cash for Oyster so I don't think it's just the expense). I think you're right, going home and then boyf coming over really doesn't help. Now 4 of her mates are over in a hostel nearby for the royal wedding. She's due to be with us til mid October, with a big break over the summer. To be honest I'm cowardly scared of asking her if she's going to stick it out, but also wondering that she'll just go back in the summer and not return, and also about the amazing German au pair set up I keep hearing about that's run by the German ymca or something... It's pretty full on having an au pair isn't it, it's all those evening meals together when you just want to eat stuff but have to make a proper meal and be nice (rant over). On the very big plus side the kids are learning loads of french and DS has picked up a smashing accent.

I would discourage her from Skyping her family every day. I'm sure that's making her more homesick as she keeps thinking about them all the time. It doesn't sound to me like she's going to make it until October.

She sounds a bit scared and young. Perhaps you could show her how to get the tube? or tell her exactly what to do? Does she come from a small town and is a bit overwhelmed by London? Perhaps you could suggest places for her to go.

Would def try to limit time she spends in Skype - it only makes it harder! If she fancies a day exploring Cambridge anytime let me know!

Have you sat down with her recently and had a chat about how you are both getting on?

I would start looking for a new aupair now, and let her know you'd rather have someone from start of the academic year (or any other excuse). She's clearly not enjoying life here, so I wouldn't expect her to come back after the summer. I don't want to generalise, but Spanish people tend to be very attached to their country/families, etc and after spending the summer back home, she will not see the point in coming back. (I am Spanish and have seen this happening with so many of my friends...).
As for it being full on, I fully agree. Having had 3 aupairs in the recent years (2 Spanish and one German), I must say the most difficult thing was the evenings. When I wanted peace and quiet with a bowl of cereal, and they wanted to chat and a 3 course meal.

My homesick Swedish aupair limped along with us for 3 months and came back after her Christmas break to tell us she could no longer stay the rest of the year. I think you should go on the basis she won't last.

I personally prefer aupairs that don't have boyfriends in their home town, not only ever lived their family or stayed in one country and who have an outgoing personality. It is no guarantee against homesickness. When it strikes, you are unlikely to win against homesickness.

Hello we too are in North London (bordering E8) - we have a very lovely Hungarian au pair who has been with us nearly 2 years and whose English is excellent and she's very sociable. Ours goes to a north london kick boxing gym and has made friends there but also likes to go out dancing etc. occasionally - would it help to try to hook them up together?

Hi, I wouldnt limit her contact with her family. That's just unkind. When you get an aupair, these things can happen. It sucks, but that is just life. I was an aupair in US at 19 and after 3 month I forgot all about home. Spanish people love their families and their country and London is a very different place.

You do seem to do everything you possibly can. Give her time and be prepared.
I got my cusins daughter with me from spain who is 19. She is from Murcia and is super sweet. If you want them to meet, let me know. Victoria doesnt know anyone in London and it would be lovely if she could meet some girls to hang out. We live in Hampstead.

Good luck with everything!
Maria